JUST FOR GIRLS: Do you feel creeped out when...?

[Bubblesong]

Anyone who thinks I am "mansplaining" because I don't blindly support the Op's original premise should know that I am looking at this as a Mom of TWO kids: a daughter that I don't want pestered by Repeatedly Refused Rakish Requests, and I also have a son, who is sweet and shy and does not deserve to get publicly humiliated if he ever does get the courage up to invite a girl out. (Like ever, seriously) So, no, posting a guy's name as a "Dead Date Trophy" has no place here on SCUBABOARD.

 

[Dan G]

No pictures with that statement? Yeah, right!


And.......my post in this thread ScubaBoard's greatest gift excludes you. Sorry.

OP chose to go public, why shouldn't we do the same?

Her post was an attack on all men? Hence, "we?"

 

[Diver0001]

When a man's (singular) opinion is an attempt to explain away a woman's fears/concerns, then I certainly take it at less value. Few wanted to even acknowledge that she had a legitimate reason for concern and went as far to say that perhaps her avatar invited unwanted advances.

Yeah, I would like to hope that nobody believes that women "have it coming to them" or "asked for it" when men come onto them unexpectedly. The thought is ludicrous but I suspect to varying degrees in different countries/cultures that it is still a belief held by some men in every corner of the world.

Turned around, I don't think most men can relate to this at all. We spend most of our adult lives trying to get the attention of women and failing most of the time. Men and women also have very different qualifiers for attraction and there seems to me to be a sort of constant miscommunication where clumsy come-ons based on a bid to get attention are seen as being unwanted sexual advances (and obviously they can be). I think most men would find even a clumsy come-on from a woman as being something very unusual and extraordinarily pleasing, so for these men putting themselves in the position of someone who gets too much of this and doesn't find it pleasing must be hard to grasp.... at any rate, that is my 2cents worth of arm-chair psychology for today.

I think it's very telling that the OP in this thread has chosen to wipe all personal information from her profile. I think her motivation for doing this must be based on the reactions she got on this thread and it says a lot when someone doesn't feel free to be themselves.

If they really felt compelled, then how about a PM with something to the effect, "Hey I'm sorry this happened. Please know that you can report creepy dudes to mods and block them too." Pretty simple.

Yes. Use Ignore and if it's getting out of hand report it.

R..

 

[diver0008]

When a man's (singular) opinion is an attempt to explain away a woman's fears/concerns, then I certainly take it at less value. Few wanted to even acknowledge that she had a legitimate reason for concern and went as far to say that perhaps her avatar invited unwanted advances.

One doesn't need to look too hard at the thread to see a woman's concerns devalued by several people. (and yes, women can do this to other women too) What makes it 'mansplaining' is that multiple men saw fit to reply immediately with "advice." They did not even allow for the possibility that perhaps they'd learn something from a few women had they simply watched and read for a while. Rather it was, "Here, let me fix this for you. And let me tell you what you did wrong." Pretty textbook stuff.

If they really felt compelled, then how about a PM with something to the effect, "Hey I'm sorry this happened. Please know that you can report creepy dudes to mods and block them too." Pretty simple.

You said a lot there, and lit up a few avenues, but seeing as this thread may have reached critical mass, I will say only 2 quick personal things:

1. I'm a 50+ year old man. I've been around the block a few times. There was no mystery with what started this thread. None. But in this wacky world of safe spaces, micro-aggressions, and nuclear triggers, I feel it is the duty of men like me to bring things back down to earth.

2. I would NEVER personal message a young girl unsolicited.That, in this case, would be doubling down on the innapropriate.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

Seriously people! I don't see that we have enough info to jump to the conclusion that the guy was trying to Hit on her or be creepy. We need to be respectful of the OP who may or may not have misinterpreted but is entitled to her feelings. In all fairness we can't possibly determine either is right or wrong so please be respectful to both. In the past SB's terminology was like fb ..you asked someone to be on your friends list.. now you Follow them IMHO the terminology can be a bit offputting and is certainly open to misinterpretation.

Both genders can learn from this thread if they are open minded enough to try to see if from both sides. The OP may or may not have left SB, may or may not come back to read this. At this point I think that is irrelevant. Other posters, male and female will read this thread. What they see here may influence how they continue or discontinue their activities here. Can we please keep it serious and respectful because this is a serious issue that should be handled respectfully!

IMHO the last number of posts DO belong in the Pub. I suggest you take it there. I have participated in this thread too much to be comfortable moderating it. We try to be clear which HAT we are wearing when we participate in threads. I will Report so the staff can discuss the best action. In the mean time please go start a thread in the Pub where a number of the posts on the last page or so should have been postedIMHO

 

[uncfnp]

Seriously people!

When one can not appreciate a little lighthearted humor in the midst of a serious conversation, one is taking oneself a little too seriously.

 

[MMM]

---

---

A ScubaBoard Staff Message...

I've deleted a pile of off-topic posts. I don't know what to say or where to begin. Except be respectful of the special rules for this forum. Marg, SB Senior Moderator

---

 

[w3dge]

When a man's (singular) opinion is an attempt to explain away a woman's fears/concerns, then I certainly take it at less value. Few wanted to even acknowledge that she had a legitimate reason for concern and went as far to say that perhaps her avatar invited unwanted advances.

One doesn't need to look too hard at the thread to see a woman's concerns devalued by several people. (and yes, women can do this to other women too) What makes it 'mansplaining' is that multiple men saw fit to reply immediately with "advice." They did not even allow for the possibility that perhaps they'd learn something from a few women had they simply watched and read for a while. Rather it was, "Here, let me fix this for you. And let me tell you what you did wrong." Pretty textbook stuff.

If they really felt compelled, then how about a PM with something to the effect, "Hey I'm sorry this happened. Please know that you can report creepy dudes to mods and block them too." Pretty simple.

So is it 'womansplaining' when my wife comes and tells me everything I'm doing wrong when I'm fixing the car, even though she hasn't a clue? I mean, I know many women who can fix a car better than me, but because this one person happens to be a woman, I can refer to her cluelessness and 'womansplaining'?

I'll give you a clue; No. Its nothing to do with gender (hell YOU even mentioned that women do what you're complaining about too!), its just bad advice.

Quit with the gender polarisation, it does no one any favours.

 

[admikar]

Her post was an attack on all men? Hence, "we?"

Yes, we. Not "we" as men, but "we" as members of SB. If I recall correctly, both men and women posted in this thread.
For the record, I have no problem with OP for standing up for herself. I admire her for that. What I have problem with is "GIRLS ONLY", which is outright sexist. What I have problem with is saying "this guy is a creep because I say so, do you agree with me?", with no further evidence provided. Brian Banks (American football) - Wikipedia, does this ring a bell?

 

[Dan G]

You said a lot there, and lit up a few avenues, but seeing as this thread may have reached critical mass, I will say only 2 quick personal things:

1. I'm a 50+ year old man. I've been around the block a few times. There was no mystery with what started this thread. None. But in this wacky world of safe spaces, micro-aggressions, and nuclear triggers, I feel it is the duty of men like me to bring things back down to earth.*

2. I would NEVER personal message a young girl unsolicited.That, in this case, would be doubling down on the innapropriate.**

*I don't think I could invent a better example of the phenomenon than you have illustrated here. And for that, I thank you.

**This is the behavior the OP was asking about. We both seem toi agree it was legitamite to at least ask others for advice.

So is it 'womansplaining' when my wife comes and tells me everything I'm doing wrong when I'm fixing the car, even though she hasn't a clue? I mean, I know many women who can fix a car better than me, but because this one person happens to be a woman, I can refer to her cluelessness and 'womansplaining'?

I'll give you a clue; No. Its nothing to do with gender (hell YOU even mentioned that women do what you're complaining about too!), its just bad advice.

Quit with the gender polarisation, it does no one any favours.

The difference is that both men and women have the capability to understand how to fix cars. It is not unique to the experience of either gender. On the other hand, there are experiences that are unique to both genders and when one gender attempts to minimize or explain away the other's experience, it is a problem.

So, fixing cars? No. But, you telling your wife about a dynamic on a 'guys trip' that you did not like, for example? Yeah sure, she should just listen rather than immediately claim expertise. And if something like that happens, go ahead tell her she's womansplaining.

BTW- pointing out 'polarization' as you call it is not creating it. The polarization was there, so don't blame the messenger. I'm just pointing at it and calling it what it is rather than being politically correct about it so people aren't upset.