When my husband and I met, I had been certified for awhile, but hadn't really ever been able to afford to pursue it like I wanted. Once I was finally to a point where I could more easily afford it I was living in a place with limited diving that didn't require travel. I ended up talking him into getting certified so that I'd have a built-in buddy. He's definitely not into it as much as I am, but he's a good sport about being dragged to the quarry every month or so.
"My wife won't let me ..."
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Nick Steele
Contributor
Been with my girlfriend (future wife) for 2 years now. When we first started dating I would solo freedive quite often off the beachs. She was never quite found of this and I would call once I got out of the water. But she wouldn't tell me no because she knew it relaxes me and after she tagged along to snorkel she realized my enjoyment of it all. Now while I still freedive I don't do it quite as often not because of her not liking it but because I find myself wanting to spend time with her more and more.
Also she has recently pushed me to get scuba certified even though she can't (ear problems). I've always wanted to get certified but I found freediving a good alternative to save me money while getting life started after college.
So now my wonderful girlfriend has quite a few hobbies of mine to put up with that she doesn't partake in. I go fishing 3-4 times a week, freedive 5+ times a month and will be diving a couple times a month once certified.
Me and my girlfriend would never use the "my SO won't let me" because we are to striaght forward and if you can't respect our decisions you probably won't be in our lives for any significant amount of time.
Also she has recently pushed me to get scuba certified even though she can't (ear problems). I've always wanted to get certified but I found freediving a good alternative to save me money while getting life started after college.
So now my wonderful girlfriend has quite a few hobbies of mine to put up with that she doesn't partake in. I go fishing 3-4 times a week, freedive 5+ times a month and will be diving a couple times a month once certified.
Me and my girlfriend would never use the "my SO won't let me" because we are to striaght forward and if you can't respect our decisions you probably won't be in our lives for any significant amount of time.
Without reading 12 pages, I think some men use this as an excuse because they don't have what it takes to just say no.
For some people, saying no is really difficult, so they make excuses like this. It's easier to blame a wife that isn't there.
For some people, saying no is really difficult, so they make excuses like this. It's easier to blame a wife that isn't there.
lunula
Contributor
I actually read through the first few pages and came to the last post to write almost this exactly.
Personally, I've been married for 20 years and we have no kids, no debt and are both gainfully employed. We are both divers, in fact, certification class and gear was my 15-year anniversary gift to him. I am very uncomfortable with overhead environment dives and will never do them; however, I've told my husband that he is welcome to if he can find another buddy who wants to do it. He doesn't want to, either.
I can't ever recall him saying, "My wife won't let me" unless it was a joke. We consult on big purchases since we equally contribute financially, but if wanted to do something/buy something, I can't imagine I'd say no to anything. That said, he's not a daredevil and he's a lot more frugal than me, haha. I think the only case for him saying "My wife won't let me" is when he is the designated driver and I'm drinking (I have a strict 1-drink policy for designated drivers).
I think James R is right on, some men are just too scared to say, "No" or to admit they don't want to do something, so they blame their wives.
My wife (should I ever meet her) will be a diver and we'll share the time together. After 55 years of solo diving, I'm ready for a buddy! If the woman I'm with is not a diver, we're just dating. My son is already well on his own and I do enjoy diving with him. He can afford the toys better than his old man.
Bubblesong
Contributor
No, but his wife understands his need for good father/son experiences and is supportive
admikar
Contributor
Flutter
Contributor
Wow. Lots of interesting comments. My husband & I had been married 10 yrs with 3 preschoolers when he said to me one day, "I'm thinking of learning to fly & making a kit plane". I remember thinking, "Wow! Where did this come from?", (although the fact that when I met him, he was jumping off cliffs with a hang glider maybe should have tipped me off that something like this might come up someday). 
We discussed fatalities in small, private aircraft & all the ramifications for our family. My only stipulation was that he pick up an insurance plan that would include coverage should he be killed while flying, thereby immediately making me a widow with 3 children. He began building a kit plane in our garage, & as I observed the fiberglass construction, (lol) added another stipulation - that neither the kiddos nor I would be flying in THAT particular plane, but HE was free to do so whenever he wanted - if he dared. (We also would need to increase our insurance coverage, as the likelihood of me becoming a widow had just increased). Then I suggested that he look into buying a REAL plane (with rivets) & we would all happily fly with him. He then admitted to me that he had also begun to wonder just how safe that kit plane would be upon completion. He sold the kit "as is" and we purchased a small (real) plane that would accommodate our young family (shuffling $$ in our budget, making do with less in other areas). Flying became our family "thing" & he increased his pilot training & flight time experience. Fast forward 15 yrs and one day I mention to him out of the blue, "I would like to get scuba certified - Would you like to be certified too - then we could fly places & go diving when we get there?" (The flying was the lure). He could see the possibilities & so rather promptly agreed. (I actually first suggested that we either try scuba OR take extended "couple" dance lessons - because I'm not stupid). 
Ten yrs later the kids are mostly gone. As a family, we have had some amazing adventures together, pretty much ever since we got rid of the "kit plane" in the garage. And the last 10 yrs, flying & diving together has been fantastic. My husband would like me to get better trained as his co-pilot/navigator, so I guess that is the next step in our journey. It has definitely been win-win so far.
I like to think I maybe prevented him from killing himself in the early days (encouraging him to consider buying a plane rather than build one) without limiting his desire for adventure.. And I am truly thankful we shared our private dreams, discussed, compromised, & shuffled the budget to make it all work. (My husband's best friend got his pilot license just before he did. His wife would not fly with him, nor allow their small kids to fly. I watched the husband's dream fizzle & always thought it was a shame. She could not get passed her own neurotic fear of flying. I am afraid of heights myself, & sometimes experience more than a fair amount of trepidation during unusual turbulence, but have decided that we will do what we can to make it as safe as possible & then after that, well sometimes s**t happens - even crossing the road in front of the house. . . I think perhaps some spouses are unable to deal with that lack of control of the situation).
Somewhat recently, my husband suggested we think about flying over open water (a big deal in our 1952 Bonanza v-tail) to Cayman Brac for a diving trip (my lure). So we again talked about the risks, gave it the go-ahead & 3 yrs ago took the leap. It was a looong haul, but again a very big win-win. We have returned twice since then. My husband sometimes goes out west "skiing with the guys" or I do something with my sisters, but our most memorable trips (at least mine) are the ones we do together.
Piloting a small air craft is considered a fairly high risk & a somewhat costly sport/hobby, very similar to diving.
So "My wife won't let me" - is possibly truth (really too bad); also a possible excuse (and ok, I get that). Cheers!
(A rather long response. Sorry. But one of the few woman's perspectives posted).
We discussed fatalities in small, private aircraft & all the ramifications for our family. My only stipulation was that he pick up an insurance plan that would include coverage should he be killed while flying, thereby immediately making me a widow with 3 children. He began building a kit plane in our garage, & as I observed the fiberglass construction, (lol) added another stipulation - that neither the kiddos nor I would be flying in THAT particular plane, but HE was free to do so whenever he wanted - if he dared. (We also would need to increase our insurance coverage, as the likelihood of me becoming a widow had just increased). Then I suggested that he look into buying a REAL plane (with rivets) & we would all happily fly with him. He then admitted to me that he had also begun to wonder just how safe that kit plane would be upon completion. He sold the kit "as is" and we purchased a small (real) plane that would accommodate our young family (shuffling $$ in our budget, making do with less in other areas). Flying became our family "thing" & he increased his pilot training & flight time experience. Fast forward 15 yrs and one day I mention to him out of the blue, "I would like to get scuba certified - Would you like to be certified too - then we could fly places & go diving when we get there?" (The flying was the lure). He could see the possibilities & so rather promptly agreed. (I actually first suggested that we either try scuba OR take extended "couple" dance lessons - because I'm not stupid). Ten yrs later the kids are mostly gone. As a family, we have had some amazing adventures together, pretty much ever since we got rid of the "kit plane" in the garage. And the last 10 yrs, flying & diving together has been fantastic. My husband would like me to get better trained as his co-pilot/navigator, so I guess that is the next step in our journey. It has definitely been win-win so far.I like to think I maybe prevented him from killing himself in the early days (encouraging him to consider buying a plane rather than build one) without limiting his desire for adventure.
. And I am truly thankful we shared our private dreams, discussed, compromised, & shuffled the budget to make it all work. (My husband's best friend got his pilot license just before he did. His wife would not fly with him, nor allow their small kids to fly. I watched the husband's dream fizzle & always thought it was a shame. She could not get passed her own neurotic fear of flying. I am afraid of heights myself, & sometimes experience more than a fair amount of trepidation during unusual turbulence, but have decided that we will do what we can to make it as safe as possible & then after that, well sometimes s**t happens - even crossing the road in front of the house. . . I think perhaps some spouses are unable to deal with that lack of control of the situation).Somewhat recently, my husband suggested we think about flying over open water (a big deal in our 1952 Bonanza v-tail) to Cayman Brac for a diving trip (my lure). So we again talked about the risks, gave it the go-ahead & 3 yrs ago took the leap. It was a looong haul, but again a very big win-win. We have returned twice since then. My husband sometimes goes out west "skiing with the guys" or I do something with my sisters, but our most memorable trips (at least mine) are the ones we do together.
Piloting a small air craft is considered a fairly high risk & a somewhat costly sport/hobby, very similar to diving.
So "My wife won't let me" - is possibly truth (really too bad); also a possible excuse (and ok, I get that). Cheers!
(A rather long response. Sorry. But one of the few woman's perspectives posted).
Last edited:
Bubblesong
Contributor
I use the "asking for dancing couples class" as a warm up to other less horrific suggestions, like dive trip to Roatan, but if my husband agreed I would be so happy! Swirly skirts and tango lessons would come in handy on vacations to Latin America!
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