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Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

Discussion in 'Humor, Games, Clips, Yarns & Tales' started by sandshaker, Nov 1, 2006.

  1. santafejoe

    santafejoe Divemaster Candidate

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Hoffman Estates IL / San Diego Calif
    8,970
    57
    LMFAO:rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :rofl3: :popcorn:
     
  2. santafejoe

    santafejoe Divemaster Candidate

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Hoffman Estates IL / San Diego Calif
    8,970
    57
    >1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
    >Unique Up On It.
    >
    >2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
    >Tame Way.
    >
    >3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
    >They Take The Psycho Path
    >
    >4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
    >You Boil The Hell Out Of It
    >
    >5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
    >Dam!
    >
    >6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
    >Polaroid's
    >
    >7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
    >A Stick
    >
    >8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
    >Nacho Cheese.
    >
    >9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
    >Subordinate Clauses.
    >
    >10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
    >Quattro Sinko.
    >
    >11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
    >Spoiled Milk.
    >
    >12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
    >Frostbite.
    >
    >13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
    >
    >14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
    >Anyone Can Roast Beef.
    >
    >15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
    >Right Where You Left Him.
    >
    >16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
    >Because They Have Big Fingers .
    >
    >17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
    >Because It Scares The Dog.
    >
    >18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
    >Sanka.
    >
    >19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?! The Location Of
    >The Dirt Bag.
    >
    >20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
    >Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
    >
    >21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
    >A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
    >A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack .
    >
    >22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
    >Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
    >
    >Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile
     
  3. sandshaker

    sandshaker Contributor

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Panama City Beach, FL.
    3,706
    22
    >1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
    >Unique Up On It.
    >
    >2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
    >Tame Way.

    HAAAA...Luv it :D
     
  4. santafejoe

    santafejoe Divemaster Candidate

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Hoffman Estates IL / San Diego Calif
    8,970
    57
    Italian Conversation

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
    The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

    "Emma come first.
    Den I come.
    Den two asses come together.
    I come once-a-more.
    Two asses, they come together again.
    I come again and pee twice.
    Then I come one lasta time."
    "You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. :no "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

    "Hey,:eyebrow: coola down lady," said the man.
    "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi
     
  5. sandshaker

    sandshaker Contributor

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Panama City Beach, FL.
    3,706
    22
  6. ScubaTexan

    ScubaTexan ScubaBoard Supporter ScubaBoard Supporter

    9,260
    3
    A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest.
    After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, your duck, Cuddles has passed away."
    The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure?
    "Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," he replied.
    "How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
    The vet turned around and left the room, and returned a few moments later with a black Labrador Retriever.
    As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
    The vet patted the dog and took it out, and returned a few moments later with a cat.
    The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed delicately at the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on it's haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
    The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.² There is nothing that can be done for Cuddles.
    Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
    The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!!"
    "The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150.00
     
  7. ThatsSomeBadHatHarry

    ThatsSomeBadHatHarry Contributor

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Oahu, Hawaii
    1,175
    0
  8. sandshaker

    sandshaker Contributor

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Panama City Beach, FL.
    3,706
    22
  9. santafejoe

    santafejoe Divemaster Candidate

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Hoffman Estates IL / San Diego Calif
    8,970
    57
    Worlds Shortest Psychiatric Joke


    A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made
    of
    Saran Wrap.


    The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts.":D :D
     
    skippy311 likes this.
  10. sandshaker

    sandshaker Contributor

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Panama City Beach, FL.
    3,706
    22

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