Proposal critique?

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northernone

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Hi from James bay,

I'm working to get the town hall educated to inspire support to introduce youth to diving.

I've drafted a cover letter trying to outline the benefits and potential of such a program.

I have air fill level cash as a token of appreciation if someone would be willing to make some edits and fix my pitch from a more experienced perspective.

Otherwise, general forum style critique is entirely welcome!

In way of background, around here everyone knows my diving but no one has heard of PADI.

Thanks!
Cameron
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I don't know about anyone else, but my virus programs did not like that website, and they also blocked the file from being downloaded reporting it infected.

I just thought I should warn anyone else until Cameron is able to look into this. I was willing to look at the doc and try to help out.
 
yeah mine too .............
 
How about just posting the text as a forum post? No risks of downloading anything, not everybody has to bother downloading it and we can all see it.
 
Even better. I'll censor off my personal info and put it into the public records.
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For your approval,



In response to the youth's interest in scuba diving, I propose a certification program "***" that would encompass classroom, still water training, and dive sessions to discover the underwater world. Targeting youth 16-35 to get them exploring, this program would increase enjoyment and open career potential. There are great pleasures and benefits from being surrounded by water. The youth will experience nature connection, physical wellbeing, and increased mental health.



I need the supporting resolution that will allow me to look for funding to run this certification program. The main focus will be to provide an entertaining and educational program to support health, inspire further learning and exploration in the future. We will provide a strong emphasis on safe operations while leading a fun experience.



Participants will be given the opportunities to discover and explore employment potential. The basic skills gained over the training would serve as preparation for unique career paths. These include: tourism, environmental monitoring, emergency response, public safety search and recovery diving, ecology, archaeology, hard hat diving, hydro dam inspection, oceanography, underwater videography, aquatic therapy and recreation as well as many others.



The prerequisites to this course are a love for the water and a completed medical form. Combining calm water (lake) and classroom sessions in accordance with international regulations, we can emphasize fun and safety as skills are gained before heading to the open waters of the bay. As a professionally certified and insured scuba diving instructor and emergency first response instructor and rescue dive trainer, I will assure the course will be conducted to globally proven standards for both ease and safety. Proven the world over, this training is not difficult.



Studies have shown that individuals who learn to scuba dive experience relief from post traumatic stress disorder symptoms, improved body function and lowered anxiety. Research by Johns Hopkins in 2011 found veterans showed signs of "significant improvement" during their 4-day scuba diving certification course. With this potential for wellbeing and healing we feel youth deserve this opportunity to experience it for themselves.



The internationally recognized curriculum will be in harmony with traditional knowledge. We would like to invite elders to help suggest and guide dive sites from the surface. Connecting with the stories of the waters, the youth will interact with this wisdom in a practical, hands-on way. Under the elders' guidance, and using the latest technology, participants will also gain a better understanding of underwater terrain.



Additionally, maintaining the health of our rivers and ocean will be emphasized. The youth will gain a better understanding of the conservation and restoration needed to preserve our land for future generations to enjoy and nurture. The youth will gain first-hand knowledge of the habitat and fish population through surveying and discover diving. This can be inspirational and in the future lead to endeavors of further research and preservation of the ****.



Contingent on continued interest, this program can lead to an open water diver certification with the PADI (Professional Association of Diving Instructors who has issued 24 million certifications) in addition to discover scuba day experiences. Subsequent ongoing training can be lead youth to dive vacations, local wreck mapping, filming, salvage projects, global cultural exchange, search and recovery, ecology and conservation studies, tourism and professional development. The project will thus serve as an introduction to develop resources to meet the youth's interest and provide training in basic scuba diving. Search and recovery divers are also needed to support public safety. Let's allow the youth the opportunity to take part in this extensive field.



Connecting with the knowledge of the elders, we will create the opportunity for our youth to learn hands-on, seeing the underwater portions of the land and the local ecology, gaining confidence and valuable skills. As a land-based activity, underwater diving promotes health, education, and culture, helping to rise up a thriving nation as an ongoing Cree youth capacity development project.



If you have questions or require additional information, please contact me at *****. Thank you very much for your serious consideration of this request for a supporting resolution.



Please support the youth,

Sincerely,
 
Northernone, sounds like an interesting plan. Good idea to get the Elders on board, and to emphasize job creation and future careers. Given the current climate and awareness of stress and PTSD in Northern communities, covering how scuba can help to decrease these symptoms is a good idea.
I sincerely hope your project gets funding.
 
Thank you for the encouragement and taking the time to read and think through it. Been years in the process and finally getting close perhaps.

Regards!
Cameron
 
Northernone.

In reading the proposal it has the tone of it is approved and you are bidding for the job. The first line says that to me.

I know it is picky but I am accustom to seeing a sentence or two stating the history of the (in this case) The interest in scuba by youths followed by your proposal in answer to that interest. IE...... At the last town meeting discussions regarding future youth programs for the area was opened for initial discussion and recommendation. Then your first line In response to the youths intrest in scuba diving....... I would have at that point commenced covering the high level benefits social and personal both short term and long term of a program such as what you are offering. ....SELL THE PROGRAM AND NOT YOUR SELF. They want to know a real issue exists and what they can get in return for their support or your program.. PAYBACK FOR THE BUCK

Requirements as far as participants and local government for such a program. CAN PEOPLE QUALIFY FOR THE PROGRAM

Benefits derived from such a program, relationship to local area and then the more global area. THE PAYBACK immediate and long term stuff you can put your hands on.. Provides skills and background to support more global issues like ................

Fiscal obiligations and ability of government and participants ability to fulfill. THE BUCK INVESTED

Credentials offered upon completion to participants. DOCUMENTED BENEFIT FOR ADIN AUDIT ECT AND CANDY FOR THE PARTICIPANTS

Agencies want to know what the issue is, how it can be dealt with, the cost and liability of doing the project, odds of success. After that,, anticipate that they are border line on some aspects and follow up with the "research indicates well being"........... type of items (the warm fuzzy stuff) Keep the warm fuzzy separate from the political hard core benefits.

Once you get them hooked then proceed to how you can be personally involved in delivery of a successful program with your qualifications.

I would then "add an attachment what wound be a generic step by step of the program implementation which includes participants involvement from start to finish.

Paint the rest with the stroking the approver stuff.
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/teric/

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