Sibling Rivalries?

[art.chick]

Because I often work with young people, I have encountered several cases of sibling rivalries in classes. You know how it goes, the golden-boy brother teases the artsy younger brother who has a hard time keeping up, or the thin & pretty sister can't handle it that her chubby sister has skills in the water that surpass hers.

I disagree with competition in diving; it can make someone feel compelled to take risks they are not up to. Has anyone had success with teens/pre-teens in nicely telling one sibling not to push the other without embarrassing the kid in the one-down position?

 

[Walter]

There's always someone who is not a quick as others. Usually, folks are too polite to mention it. I remember when I learned to dive, I aced the classroom, but in the pool, everthing was more difficult for me. I felt some pressure because of this, but I was mature enough (27) to put it from my mind (most of the time) to concentrate on the task at hand.

My instructor still uses me as an example in his class as the worst student he ever taught. Determination and a willingness to work can enable you to overcome your shortcomings.

I try to start off the class by telling everyone that we all progress at different rates. For some, everything will be easier than for others. Some will find parts more easy than others while other portions might be more difficult. The better divers are often the ones who have to work harder to master the skills.

When they've heard from me that those having problems are often the better divers, they have less to be smug about. If I see one person giving another a hard time, I'll take the offending party aside and explain there is no reason for their attitude. They are far from perfect and far from the best student I've ever taught. They need to concentrate on improving their own skills and use the mistake of others as an opportunity to learn. I would not allow it to continue in my class.

 

[kwesler]

I am male and three years older than my sister. I disliked her as long as I can remember, and no longer have any contact with her. We have a 12 year old son and a 9 year old girl. They have been inseperable since she was born. While they periodically fight, there is so much genuine affection that it never affects their relationship, and when the issue is real (like learning to dive), they are always supportive of each other. It is also clear when you listen to them-it is the difference between arguing over and issue and bickering out of crankiness.

My point is that to some degree, it is an unavoidable situation. I always resented being told that because it was my sister, I was expected to get along with her.

My suggestion is to try to seperate them as best as possible if there is conflict. I would suggest you not hesitate to intervene the same way you would if two unrelated students had the same situation. If a 15 year old in your class picked on a 12 year old in your class, and they were not related, wouldn't you say something? Ditto for siblings.

I realize how intensely uncomfortable that may be, especially with the parents there. But my parents were blind to the real issues my sister and I had with each other, and could not believe it was anything but superficial sibling rivalry. An outsider could have saved us a lot of grief when we did things like SCUBA together.

The more I read what Iwrote, the more I think you are in an almost impossible position. Other than general rules announced to the class "There will be no negative comments made by anyone regarding anything anyone does-whether they are about your own abilities or someone elses-we are only positive thinkers here" I don't know that you can do.

 

[sheck33]

Read 'The last dive' by Bernie Chowdhury, that will tell you how dangerous rivalry can potentially be. There is no competing in scuba diving. It was one of the major contributing factors that killed the father and the son. A buddy that is in any way competetive deepest/fastest etc etc i would not want to dive with.

funny enough scuba diving really isnt a 'sport' since 'sport' implies some level of competition and wanting to be better than the other person or group.

Dont ever let yourself be pushed into doing any dive you dont feel comfortable doing. I'd rather be an alive wussie than a
dead stud :mean:

 

[art.chick]

Walter, you have some terrific concepts on relating the idea that every student will shine at times & fall short at others & that the focus for each needs to be how to bring up his own short end, not how to appear superior when something comes easily. It is also inspiring to think that a consciencious instructor like yourself once struggled. So often, the instructors I work with are the ones who breezed thru; it's us AI's who often have the exerience of rising from the bottom of the class!

Kwesler, the depth of your experience touched me. Often when youths are in classes I help with, the parents are hanging out by the pool or directly involved in the class. NO, I would never let un-related kids pick on each other (perhpas you read my post about the kids fighting in the water who I had to swim between to pull apart.) As the oldest of 5, I should know that kids relationships in a family are not always what parents imagine them to be, and that the kids don't always get the input from parents that it would take to create real respect. Perhaps a less-involved party is the only person that can break thru behavior patterns that perpetuate rotten attitudes.

Scheck33,
I plan to read that book. Perhaps emphasizing the non-competitive nature of the activity up-front would help adults, too. I also would rather be a live wuss than a dead stud!

 

[wch]

I envy the joy you must have in showing younger people (anyone for that matter) the wonders of the underwater world. I don't envy the responsibility.
As a teacher (school not scuba) I have found it is best to respond immediately to irresponsible/disrespectful behavior. Pull any student who is giving another grief aside and let them know that you expect responsible behavior from them. When possible I believe it is best to praise in public and reprimand in private.
I agree about scuba not being competitive. younger students should be taught that not all recreational activities are "play". If a younger student can not show the maturity to be respectful to others, sibling or not, I don't think they should be certified. (They should at least be smart enough not to do it in front of you!)
Bill

 

[kwesler]

That is an excellent point...perhaps the way the issue is addressed is by couching it along the lines of "if you do not have the maturity to always help a fellow diver, in whatever way they need, you do not have the maturity to be certified"

Who knows, maybe we can build better future buddies!

Ken