The SCUBA Police and the Vintage Diver

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Paladin

Contributor
Messages
2,342
Reaction score
520
Location
West Virginia
# of dives
500 - 999
I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. I ran into the SCUBA Police this morning. My wife, my two sons and I went over to Grayson Lake in Kentucky. I took my 72, my Aquamaster, fins, (classic oval) mask, snorkel, capillary depth gauge and weight belt and we rented a pontoon boat for the day. We cruised around the lake for a while, then anchored in a little cove. After sticking up my dive flag, I put on my gear and dropped over the side with a can of Cheez-Whiz in my fist. The water was only about 20 feet deep and I settled to the bottom on my knees. I squirted a bit of cheez-Whiz and, in a few seconds, a crappie came along to gobble it up. In no time, I was surrounded by a cloud of fish of all species and sizes. My sons snorkeled on the surface and occasionally dropped down to say "Hi."

I heard another boat pull into the cove but I paid it no mind.

I stayed down until my J valve started honking at me. I reached back to pull the rod down and headed back to the boat. At the surface, I found another pontoon boat anchored next to mine. There was a dive flag flying from the awning and there were about a half dozen young people on board dressed in wet suits and just about every diving gadget and googaw you can imagine. One of them turned to look at me as I tread water wearing only tank, Aquamaster, weight belt, depth gauge, watch and snorkel gear. He looked as if he'd just seen the Loch Ness Monster itself. I popped my mask onto my forehead and shot him a cheerful "Hi!" I then climbed out of the water and onto my boat.

"Where is the rest of your gear?" he asked.

I shrugged and said "This is it. It's all I need."

He looked at he water and asked me where my dive buddy was. I patted the mouthpiece of my trusty Aquamaster and said "Right here." At this, he began to lecture me on my unsafe dive practices and told me I was in violation of safe diving rules. Unsafe antique regulator, no BC, no SPG, no computer, blah blah blah... I just shrugged again and waved him off. My son helped me out of my harness, then I took off the rest of my stuff.

Mister SCUBA Police then demanded that I hand over my C-card. I said "What?" He again demanded that I hand over my C-card.

"What for?" I asked.

"I'm yanking your certification. I'll send your card in to have it canceled for safety violations."

I just stared at him. "By whose authority?"

"Mine," he shot back. "I'm the instructor at #$*&^# Dive Shop."

I was starting to get a mite testy by this time. "That doesn't mean **** to me. You don't have the authority to pull anybody's card."

He leaned over the rail of his boat and glared at me. "Give me your ******* card!"

I laughed and said "I don't have one!"

He turned three shades of purple and gasped for air. "But...but... that's illegal! You can't dive like that!?

I smiled. "I just did."

"I'm gonna call the cops!"

I kept smiling at him. "Go right ahead. They could probably use a good laugh!" My son hauled in the anchor while I started the motor. We cruised slowly away, waving cheerfully at our new friends. We spent a couple of hours fishing at another cove before heading back to the dock.

I could have probably handled the situation with a bit more tact, but the kid got under my skin.
 
Last edited:
Could I help ... please?
 
I think I would have encouraged him to call the police. I think there is something wrong with impersonation of someone of authority? Did you have enough lead to keep him from floating?
 
I wouldn't have needed to use any of my weight. They were all wearing enough lead to sink a battleship.
 
That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time.
The one thing that I find questionable is why this person would pull up next to your boat while your dive flag was flying!

I would have loved to have been there so you and I could have talked about vintage gear and you could share more stories.
 
:rofl3:

After I strapped on the second tanks and showed him and his students what a real divers look like underwater I would have returned to the boat and called his dive shop....and a letter to his agency would be in order as well. He is setting a bad example for his students, reguardless of his opinions he has no right to act that way as an instructor...

So far the worst thing I have had happen was for an instructor to tell me I could not dive like that....not that it was not allowed, rather it was not possible to dive and maintain bouyancy with no BC....lets say he has a lot more respect for me now after the dive. :)
 
I suggest you call the shop and let them know some fool is using their name. And if their response is not much better than their instructor's, you might as well fill in their name in the first post.
 
You need to post this in basic scuba so we can get more entertainment.
 
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