Team diving is an exercise in discipline. Any team, regardless of the level of training, the experience of each team member, or the relationships involved present challenges. A husband and wife team is no better and no worse than any other team. However, attention needs to be paid to certain nuances of such a team.
The first, is that one partner might be significantly more motivated to dive than another. Those with more motivation tend to develop knowledge and skills more quickly during training. This could lead to an imbalance of knowledge, skill, performance and comfort. The partner who is more confident and zealous needs to remember that a team is only as strong as its weakest link and dives should be planned and conducted based upon the comfort and ability of the weakest team member. Problems associated with this are pressure from the stronger partner to make dives beyond the comfort zone of the weaker partner. When the strongest partner is a woman, this can have an adverse effect on the male partner as gender roles often place the male in a hero position. A weaker male may find ways to belittle his partner to equalize power, or he may not speak up if uncomfortable with a dive plan, thereby endangering his partner. The more common scenario is a dominant male pushing a female significant other and becoming frustrated when her skills or comfort level reduce his quest for fun and adventure. To combat this in training, partners may be split up to allow them to progress at their own paces away from the constant scrutiny of one another. When diving, good training and a high degree of discipline may be required for safety. Remember the first rule of technical diving, "Any diver can call (terminate/end/thumb) a dive at any time for any reason." This may be on the dock or on the boat as well as any time in or under the water.
The second issue facing couples is that diving needs to be separated from daily life issues. By definition of the philosophy of sport and play, play is free and unreal, meaning that it is considered separate from the routine demands, conflicts, and issues of daily life. It is an escape and is done for fun and enjoyment. Sport is a form of play with certain rules governing the activity. Scuba Diving is considered to be a sport of vertigo. As such, it has rules. Some of diving's rules are in place to protect divers from harm due to physics and physiology such as, "Never hold your breath," or "Come up slowly." Other rules, such as the technical diver's cardinal rule are to increase safety. During dive planning, I teach all of my students to publicly assess their psychological states honestly prior to a dive. The underwater world is no place to take personal baggage. No team is immune from this. Couples just face it more often by nature of their relationship. Do not dive until all emotional issues are resolved. Just like make up sex can be a time of bonding after a dispute, diving can be a time to enjoy the sensuality of the sport. It is wise to remove all goal-oriented dive plans in the wake of an argument or relationship tension and make a dive that is easy, fun, and playful.
A third issue facing a husband and wife team may be reacting to an emergency or a dangerous situation involving one's partner. This is by no means limited to a marital or sexual relationship between life partners. I've been involved in rescues in which a professional firefighting dive team was unable to function because two of their own were in trouble. I've seen the inability for a doctor to keep his head as his daughter fought for her life after they both came up too fast near a class I was taking. Yet, I've known lovers who have had the discipline to let the other perish and return home or who have saved their lovers or spouses. I've also known cave instructors who will not cave dive together, while other couples are excellent partners. This takes discipline. I, myself, had made the mistake of not doing a lost buddy search by the numbers when an equipment issue distracted me from good team protocols as my girlfriend's light failed.
While some couples cannot develop or do not have the ability to become a cohesive buddy team, the same sort of work and discipline that allows two people to share their lives out of the water, comes into play to share their lives under the water. In fact, sometimes, when an argument occurs topside, imagining how you would handle connected emotions underwater and talking about a situation that is in dispute as if it were a dive can help paint a better picture for the problem's significance in the grand scheme of things and how to handle it.
In the relationships that I've had in which my girlfriend either was or became a diver, things tended to work underwater far better than topside. Of the few very meaningful relationships, I've had. Diving with the women I've loved most, was as special and unique as the women themselves and when I look back on the best of what we shared, underwater rivaled the bedroom in all ways.
Best friends, instructors diving with instructors, instructors diving with students, dive buddies teamed up on a boat for the first time, new divers with experienced divers, new divers buddied with new divers, and experienced divers buddied with experienced divers all have different pro's and con's that must be addressed in planning and in the water. For a couple, the problems and benefits are no greater or worse from the standpoint of safety and training. Diving may enhance a relationship or drive a wedge into a relationship out of the water. For couples who want to understand team diving at its finest, taking a GUE, UTD or other class such as those I and other DIR-trained instructors teach is often a great idea. Also, for the majority of couple divers, learning from an instructor couple may help you discover how they balance working together, playing together, and living together as divers and lovers.
