How can one apply gentle sympathetic persuasion to a non-diver

[CindyMac]

From the perspective of the reluctant spouse/significant others:

My husband certified in 2005 after a resort Discover Scuba class. I was content to be a beach bum. No interest whatsoever. Over the years, we took vacations during which he dove, I did something else. Usually that meant being with my youngest daughter (who would love to dive, but her congenital heart defect and many stents prevent).

We went on cruise this March and all the ports were dive destinations. He did drop hints over he years about how nice it would be if I learned. He usually got a very dirt look. Not this time. I figured I could give it a shot, since the Discover Scuba was in Grand Cayman. Silly guy did not book his excursion early (as I did) and wasn't able to dive on Grand Cayman.

I LOVED IT!!! There was that awful moment, though, that I took a breath through my nose! The instructor/guide that was near me got me through it, using hand signals and lots of patience! Felt like a doofus later, but, hey it was okay. Could not wait to get home and get certified!

I must warn all you guys - there is one thing my husband forgot about - with a new addiction there is a price. And boy, am I pricey!!!! He had totally overlooked the fact that I'd need equipment, which meant spending some money (makes him sweat more than a school of sharks LOL). He has decided that my little bitty spree on Roatan (buying jewelry) was less expensive, but he is thrilled that I do enjoy diving. We are bound for Bonaire in November (leaving the day of the biggest game in college football - my beloved AU Tigers take on those tacky Tuscaloosa Elephants)! Our first dive vacation!!!!!

Now, I am much more comfortable in the water. Was with my family in Alabama and played in my brother's pool. My nephew thinks I'm awesome with all the underwater stuff and my youngest thinks I've lost my mind.

Best advice is don't be pushy. If she/he doesn't want to dive, drop it. They may come to it in their own time.

 

[Kitty_Kat]

If you can, wait and let her bring it up on her own. If you're talking about diving in the context of your vacation, she's definitely thinking about it and probably knows that you would really like her to join in! It would definitely be worth asking in a non-pressuring way what it was that made her uncomfortable 30 years ago. Knowing that would definitely help to figure out if it's an issue that can be resolved. A lot with SCUBA has changed in 30 years so depending on the problem it might not even be an issue anymore (gear, etc...). It might be worth explaining to her how something like a discover scuba would work and what she could expect (pool, then ocean if comfortable but only very shallow). Have you ever gone through and showed her how your gear works (safety aspects of it!) and maybe let her try breathing off of it on land? You could also show her pictures of the areas you're thinking about going that highlight how nice the conditions are.

I'm going to throw in a word of caution though since we see a lot of people in our OW classes that are obviously only there because of pressure from a significant other... If she does decide to go through with an OW class or even a discover scuba I would really suggest that you sit down and talk about whether it would be beneficial for you to be there. Most of the time I've only ever seen the already certified significant other get in the way and introduce more stress. Find a good instructor that she seems to connect with fairly well (possibly female?) and get out of the way. If she wants you there to watch from a distance that's fine, but you shouldn't be very involved. If possible, find a good friend of hers that would be willing to get certified (again) and have him/her do the class with her!

 

[nelsonrl]

I agree with what others have said - do not pus and if she decides to move forward, find a patient instructor.

One additional thing you can try is to point out that sharks prefer to noble on snorklers and surfers over divers!

 

[nimoh]

I had a discover scuba student last weekend that had some reservations about the weight of scuba gear weighing her down.

So, when she was in the bathroom, I drained my AL80 down to 1000lbs, and then after the session while disassembling gear, I demonstrated how the tank floats, and seemed to put her at ease (a bit...there were other issues).

Before anyone comments, I did explain that a full tank is a little negative to prevent her from trying it for herself

 

[Pedroinspain]

My most sincere thanks to all of those who have offered advice regarding MY 'problem'. I take a number of good ideas from the discussion:

# Obviously don't push. After 30 years of 'not pushing' I have a lot of practice
# Get to know (in advance?) a super-sympathetic dive instructor in Egypt (November 2012). Anyone know one in Marsa Alam?
# Do not broach the issue again; leave it up to the D.I. to find a suitable avenue
# Let the D.I. quiz her as to what made her nervous all those years ago (I seem to remember there were at least half a dozen of us in the pool at the same time, and just one instructor)
# We have a mutual friend who only did a few dives and has not dived for a long time. We will in all likelihood be visiting Indonesia together with her (May 2013). She is also a bit nervous but wants to restart. Maybe that is a good entry if there are no 'bites' in Egypt
# If there is a nibble, I will stay well away unless asked specifically by my wife to stick around (unlikely)
# I will try to involve her in fish/critter ID during our snorkelling trips and hopefully extend this to my U/W videos. We are both keen birdwatchers
# I will suppress any urge to donning dive gear and then offering her my octopus when we are both on the surface (snorkelling) or thinking up other "softly-softly" approaches

 

[AfterDark]

Pedroinspain, I wish for you the same results my wife had today. As posted eariler her only attempt at scuba ended in panic at the surface after a 4ffw 30 second dive. Today went…..well……swimmingly!
She didn’t want to warm up with some snorkeling first. She just put the reg in her mouth deflated her BCD and descended into 4fsw and with pretty good control began finning away! I had to hurry up after her as I was expecting her to check to make sure I was with her! She is so comfortable now after all thesnorkeling she’s done that it was off to the races! I toted a pony bottle w/o a BCD and used my lungs for buoyancy control, hadn’t done that in a long time. So now she wants to go some more before the summer is over! I’m really happyJ I’m hoping next spring she can do an OW course then I can make a diver out of her

 

[freewillie]

Everyone is different. I started scuba when my wife signed both of us up for intro to scuba while vacationing. I loved it, she hated it. Now, she has two requirements of me when it comes to scuba. The first is to come home safe after every dive, the other is never to as her to try scuba again.

Since she is not a good option for a dive buddy I did put my daughter in an intro to scuba class. She begged and pleaded to get certified after that. She is now my new dive buddy.

Since your wife snorkels you can always explore the dive operations that allow snorkelers to accompany divers on the same trip. You would at least share each others company on the boat to and from the site, and during the surface intervals. And who knows, with more exposure to diving and other divers she may become little more serious about trying it again.

 

[WebmasterJ]

My biggest suggestion is find a good instructor and stay out of it. If you are there she may feel pressured etc and will most likely do better on her own in a class.

 

[Pedroinspain]

Many thanks to all.

I now have my new Intova Sport Pro to help with the U/W identifications. As I wrote, I am sure that she will become involved in that because some 50% of the 'stuff' can usually be seen by snorkellers. My son agrees with you guys ... the "Old Fart" must stay away from the issue at all costs.

I like the idea of her getting involved by going out on the boat as a snorkeller ... thanks Freewillie. Now I just keep my fingers crossed that we encounter a sympathetic guest or DM along the way. If you guys are in Marsa Alam in November this year and see a snorkeller on board with a curly-haired husband wearing a cheap Oceanic computer and carrying an Intova, step up to the plate please

 

[farsidefan1]

Go to the red sea (geographical forum) and you will find some instructors and those that know instructors who can help you. Several very helpful folks hang around there.