Nosy co-worker keeps asking me how much money I make-what's a good response?

[Northeastwrecks]

I love some of the suggestions, particularly the one in which you simply keep asking "why".

If you want to shut it off quickly and relatively politely, try "I beg your pardon. I don't care to discuss the matter." Keep repeating this as often as it takes.

Alternatively, simply change the subject by asking a totally unrelated question.

Final option (less polite) would be to ask her the reason she is asking such inappropriate question is because she is not busy enough around the office and needs some more work. Suggest that this can easily be remedied.

 

[DennisW]

Walter stole my reply.

 

[Jersey]

Inform her unless she is paying your bills, that information is on a need to know basis. And she doesn't need to know. Or smile slyly & tell her 'if I tell you, I'll have to kill you.'

 

[Royal Frog]

I used to work with a girl who constantly asked how much I earned. She was very peristant and wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. I waited until the company OWNER was in the office along with the managers, divisional managers and senior managers and then said in a very loud 'addressing the whole room' voice "my salary is absolutley none of your business, so will you please stop asking me how much I earn. It's nothing to do with you whatsoever." It worked.

 

[TCDiver1]

In my experience, nothing good comes from comparing wages in the office because someone will inevitably think they work harder than so and so who is making more due to seniority or some other reason.

It is extremely difficult to achieve perceived equity in cases like this. I hear what artchick and Spectre are saying but IME people can be really petty about such things.

Here is a real life example:
We used to pay out performance based bonus's to our hourly union lead people. It was very clear cut and based on how well each did in their job in very definable performance areas. Not everyone is alike, some did better and got more, some got less due to performing at a lower level.

Anyway, our employees handled it pretty well actually but their significant others were a different story. The merde storm that developed when the spouses started comparing bonus's was epic in proportion. My husband works twice as hard as so and so. My wife deserves more than him because of blah, blah, blah.

As owners we spent hours on the phone trying to appease people operating on shear emotion and no logic. Explaining our, very definable, and fair in our opinion, criteria, fell on deaf ears the majority of the time. Any good spouse is going to defend their significant other as the best thing since sliced bread. However it does not work that way in practice. Just because you love your spouse does not mean they are the most effective employee.

Sad thing is, and i do mean sad because we as a company do believe in rewarding excellence, we no longer pay bonus's to this group because their spouses could not handle it. Years later, i still have some spouses who won't talk to me because their husband got 500 dollars less than so and so's wife.

 

[TropiGal]

Same here on being raised to not discuss the three above in a setting as you describe. But, Victoriawtx, if you've been "discussing" your husband at work as much as you have on this board....then I'd presume that you've already discussed at least one of these three in the workplace....SO - it seems you'll have to ask YOURSELF why she is asking you these personal questions.

Just a thought - of which there are many...Maybe she's checking out backyards to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Because, obviously, as others have eluded to on here in regard to your dilemma with your non-diving (thus far) spouse, you seem to be seeing it from inside the box rather than outside of it. Could be the same situation here! Let's open a small window - just one of many you can open once you allow some light in. She may see that you are heading down a path of no return and she may want to jump the fence or knows somebody that does - if it's worth it! Remember? One person's junk is another person's treasure.

Of course, not knowing the "nosey" person or her circumstances (and I'm not asking for any more details..please) I'd have to say that she's got her reasons to be asking (not that any of us would agree that many, would be valid) - so consider the source of the question as well as the reason why you think she feels comfortable asking you or anybody else in your workgroup.

Seems to me that the situation you've described could easily be handled by someone who, in the workplace, has previously exhibited a mature and responsible attitude toward others' privacy and, just as importantly, that person's own discretion as to their personal matters. Eventually, you'll get it and so will she.

It usually turns out that you must keep "reliving" certain situations until you do "get it"....and I'm not talking anything metaphysical here....just plain day to day practical experience. You know the facts. Face them with an open mind, then take the appropriate action and I'm sure this situation will resolve itself in the time that it took for it to develop.

Talking through problems is helpful, but only up to a certain point, after that - it's just talking about talking about talking about solving the problem...a time comes when you have to act rather than talk about it. (Speaking from personal experience here.) You can do this!!

You've already proven to yourself, your husband and now this board that you really can do something if it is something YOU want to do! If you really want her to stop asking personal questions, you'll figure out a way for that to happen. Nothing to prove here... just do what's right for all involved and things will eventually be ok. And speaking to the diving/non-diving spouse issue - Right now, time is your ally - improve your odds with patience and priorities. I have no doubt that you will be diving in the future! Repeat after me (silently) I will dive in the future, I will dive in the future, I will dive in the future. Now just relax about it for a while and he will too.

Ok...that's it from me...I've been in the box, out of the box and on top of it...enough said !!

 

[divrnr]

Just tell 'em "Enough to go diving whenever I want to"

 

[Amanda]

Just say :" Why, you need me to buy you a sandwich ?" with a little pitiful smile...

May work !

 

[ScubaBaby]

I had this problem where I use to work - simple answer:

"Not enough"

 

[Rick Murchison]

1. Oh, 'bout 2
2. You know, soldiers have actually died protecting the fourth amendment
3. More than yours
4. You buyin' lunch?
5. Falcon 108 (or 120, 122 or 131)
Rick