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Last fall …


Alabama beat Arkansas, and Arkansas fired the coach.

Alabama beat Tennessee, and Tennessee fired the coach.



Alabama beat Auburn, and Auburn fired the coach.



Then Alabama beat Notre Dame, and the Pope resigned.


Wish the White House had a team, and it was playing Alabama.


---------- Post added May 17th, 2013 at 08:35 AM ----------
reposting pic
stipper-drawing-240ds120109.jpg
 
Last edited:
OMG thats awesome!
 
When I came home from golfing today.....

The wife left a note on the fridge:

"It's not working, I can't take it anymore!!

Gone to stay with my Mother."

I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold.........

What the hell is she talking about??????



---------- Post added May 22nd, 2013 at 01:35 PM ----------

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami, are all excited
about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the
wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
>>
>> Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
>>
>> "Are you the owner?"
>>
>> The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
>>
>> Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
>>
>> Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "All kinds."
>>
>> Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "Definitely."
>>
>> Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "You bet!"
>>
>> Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
>>
>> Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
Parkinson's disease?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
>> Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "We sure do."
>>
>> Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
>>
>> Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
>>
>> Pharmacist: "Sure."
>>
>> Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
 
A woman walks into a bar, sits down on a bench and orders a cold one. She swigs down the beer, looks in her pocket, cringes and orders another.

She gulps down that one, looks in her pocket again, cringes and orders yet another one. This goes on for at least an hour and a half.

Finally the bartender, bursting with curiousity, says, "I know it's none of my business lady, but I have to ask. Why the whole "drink, look in pocket, cringe and order another one" routine?"

"Well," slurred the woman, "There's a picture of my hubby in my pocket.

When he starts to look good, then it's time for me to go home.":)

---------- Post added June 8th, 2013 at 08:51 AM ----------

A seriously depressed woman stands at the edge of a cliff, trying to get the nerve up to jump.A passing hobo stops and says, "Since you're about to kill yourself anyway, would you mind if we had sex first?"The woman said "Hell no... get away from me!"The bum turned to leave and muttered, "Fine, I'll just go wait at the bottom."
 
I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck. Go figure-- it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned it to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated.

"Nelson",
the technician said to the radio.

The radio replied, "Ricky or Willie?"

"Willie!" he continued and "On The Road Again" came from the speakers

Then he said, "Ray Charles!", and in an instant
"Georgia On My Mind" replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, "Beethoven",
I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, "Beatles", I'd get one of their awesome songs.

Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him.



I yelled,
"Ass Hole!"

Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

Damn I love this truck....
:D
 
Some well-placed super glue would have worked too.
 

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