Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[mike_s]

during a pre dive safety brief before the boat leaves the dock.


Captain: In case you need to use the bathroom, there is a head in the forward of the boat. Pull lever to fill basin with water and press lever to flush

One diver on board: Is the water in the toliet freshwater or salt water?

Captain: Sir, we've got drinking water in the ice cooler if you want some.

 

[dmoore19]

I don't care who you are, this stuff is funny. Thanks everybody.

 

[jenaddyman23]

Hmmmm...seems to me that what happens in your DRYsuit stays in your drysuit.
Don't wetsuits eventually get flushed out?[/QUOTE]

ONLY if you are properly trained on wetsuit flushing!

A few years ago, I was diving off a boat in the Keys, and there was a guy standing on the deck after his dive with a yellow-ish puddle forming at his feet :shocked2:

The DM sent him back in to flush himself before he got back on!

a good way to flush pee from a wetsuit is to put your oco in your neck opening and purge it.... it only really works though is your wetsuit is not tucked in to your boots!!!!!!

 

[Yellowmask]

I had this conversation on a dive boat in the Maldives. A couple got on; she was diving, he'd wanted to try it but the doctor at the dive centre wouldn't let him because he had mild asthma. We got talking...

Him: I'd really like to try diving.

Me: Maybe you could speak to your own doctor back home about getting a diving medical.

Him: (looking at the tanks in front of us) I don't see the problem anyway, the best thing for an asthma attack is pure oxygen.

Me: (trying studiously not to look at the veteran diver next to me who I can hear cracking up) That's not pure oxygen, pure oxygen is toxic when you get under the water.

Him: Really? What is it?

Me: Air.

Him: Ordinary air?

Me: (resisting urge to reply "No, special diving air") Yup.

Him: (pause) Oh.

 

[Blazinator]

O man! That's gross! Pray, how do you do wetsuit flushing? Any accelerated technique?

I learned this technique of suit flushing right here on ScubaBoard. Preferably holding onto an anchor line due to buoyancy changing, you go inverted with fins up. Then you shove your octo under your suit at the neck seal, and blast a little air and the air will go through your suit to your feet and suck clean water behind it. The real trick is to grab the ankle cuffs of your suit and pull open to release the air/water or else you shoot to the surface feet first.

Be prepared for cold water blast through the suit, but it really works great.

My preferred method is to simply pull the neck seal open and swim hard allowing water in, and then I push the wave of water through to my feet, but it is not as effective as the octo method.

 

[Blazinator]

Doh! crossed posts - Jenaddyman beat me to it. Big Ditto on the importance of suit cuffs OUTSIDE of your finboots!

 

[ChristyV]

Non Diver to Diver: "Well, don't you worry that you will be killed by a shark?"
Diver: "Actually, I read that more people are killed every year by donkeys than by sharks."
At this, Non Diver gets an amazed and worried look on his face and says with great concern:
"You mean donkeys are killing people?"

 

[Chugwhump]

Man these are funny.

Thanks to all of you who have posted!!

Chug

 

[Laustimus]

Not diving, but at a dive resort in the Philippines with a very laid-back Aussie owner.

Referring to toilet etiquette and the scarcity of freshwater for flushing the end-result away, he advised me from the comfort of his hammock "If it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, send it down".

Pure poetry.

The funniest time I heard that line was when my best friends 84 year old grandmother said it I had heard the line before but when it came out of her mouth that was way to hard to try to contain.

 

[mike_s]

Non Diver to Diver: "Well, don't you worry that you will be killed by a shark?"
Diver: "Actually, I read that more people are killed every year by donkeys than by sharks."
At this, Non Diver gets an amazed and worried look on his face and says with great concern:
"You mean donkeys are killing people?"

I had someone ask me the same thing about sharks.

I told them that more vending machines kill people by falling on them (after they shake them trying to get their food out) each year than sharks do.

they were like... really?