From ESPN.com.....the 38 things NFL fans want to see this season....
We want the Kansas City-Oakland game on Oct. 20 to show no crowd shots. We know Raider fans like to dress up, so let's move on, OK?
We want the Cleveland-Cincinnati game Dec. 28 to be played in a king-hell snowstorm.
We want Michael Vick to heal quickly. If not, we want Doug Johnson to throw for 4,500 yards.
We want Chad Pennington to heal quickly. If not, we want Vinny Testaverde to throw for 5,000.
We want one story, and that's all we ask, about the Dallas Cowboys that references neither Bill Parcells nor Jerry Jones.
We want Al Davis and Paul Tagliabue to get caught in the back room of a restaurant and have to admit they've both been kidding all these years.
We want Sam Mills to get better.
We want the officials to be wired to car batteries that are timed to send a few businesslike volts through them every time they spend more than 15 seconds in a conference.
OK, 20 seconds, but that's as high as we go.
We want the sideline reporters to tell us, "Sorry, got nothing for you here. We never have anything for you. Now let's go back to the booth for the rest of eternity."
We want Jeremy Shockey to have almost as good a year as Tony Gonzalez, Alge Crumpler or Todd Heap.
We want one quarterback to call his own plays, and win.
We want someone to explain why Peerless Price got more attention after he was traded from Buffalo to Atlanta than before.
We want Willis McGahee to play -- until then, we want to watch Travis Henry in peace.
We want the old turf at Veterans Stadium shipped to Iraq and turned into a six-lane highway.
We want Bill Romanowski to stop needing to apologize so often.
We want Jack Del Rio to have more fun this fall than he had this summer.
We want Priest Holmes to win the rushing title and not say, "Well, I told you so." We just want him to smile knowingly.
We want Julian Peterson to take a few turns at wide receiver.
We want Mike Vanderjagt to win a couple of games for Indianapolis.
We want Bill Cowher to have at least one great running-off-the-field-after-the-game rant at an official.
We want the next governor of poverty-enhanced California to pledge that he will never let a team come into L.A., but would export the three teams he has for the right price.
Coach Mike Holmgren continues to be a big fan of the job GM Bob Ferguson is doing in the Seahawks' front office.
We want Mike Holmgren to say, "We really improved ourselves at general manager."
We want the Giants to promise never, ever to change their uniforms again.
We want the Rams to change their uniforms back as quickly as possible.
We want Daniel Snyder to say, "Oh, the hell with it. Just call me Dan."
We want the Chargers to win one of their last four games, just to quell the rumors that they only get paid through Thanksgiving.
We want the 49ers to stop saying their new stadium plan is coming along nicely.
We want the Dolphins' season not to be about Dave Wannstedt.
We want Joey Porter to be Comeback Player of the Year.
We want the Lions to win one game away from home this year -- even if it means playing Michigan State in East Lansing.
We want the Colts to score in a playoff game. After that, they're on their own.
We want Mike Shanahan to relax his jaw before his face explodes and showers the field with bolts, springs and screws.
We want Drew Henson to find his happiness, even if it means being a Houston Texan.
We want the phrase "The Eli Manning Sweepstakes" to be banned entirely.
We want the Arizona Cardinals to get to the Super Bowl, and Bill Bidwill to be held up at the gate by security.
We want noticeable playing time for Armegis Spearman, Ovie Mughelli, Hank Poteat, Robaire Smith, R-Kal Truluck, N.D. Kalu, Peppi Zellner, Artose Pinner, Bhawoh Jue, Johndale Carty, Jerametrius Butler, Isaiah Kacyvenski and R-Kal Truluck, again.
And finally, we want the Super Bowl pre-game show to go on pay-per-view, so we can miss it with an even clearer conscience.
We want the Kansas City-Oakland game on Oct. 20 to show no crowd shots. We know Raider fans like to dress up, so let's move on, OK?
We want the Cleveland-Cincinnati game Dec. 28 to be played in a king-hell snowstorm.
We want Michael Vick to heal quickly. If not, we want Doug Johnson to throw for 4,500 yards.
We want Chad Pennington to heal quickly. If not, we want Vinny Testaverde to throw for 5,000.
We want one story, and that's all we ask, about the Dallas Cowboys that references neither Bill Parcells nor Jerry Jones.
We want Al Davis and Paul Tagliabue to get caught in the back room of a restaurant and have to admit they've both been kidding all these years.
We want Sam Mills to get better.
We want the officials to be wired to car batteries that are timed to send a few businesslike volts through them every time they spend more than 15 seconds in a conference.
OK, 20 seconds, but that's as high as we go.
We want the sideline reporters to tell us, "Sorry, got nothing for you here. We never have anything for you. Now let's go back to the booth for the rest of eternity."
We want Jeremy Shockey to have almost as good a year as Tony Gonzalez, Alge Crumpler or Todd Heap.
We want one quarterback to call his own plays, and win.
We want someone to explain why Peerless Price got more attention after he was traded from Buffalo to Atlanta than before.
We want Willis McGahee to play -- until then, we want to watch Travis Henry in peace.
We want the old turf at Veterans Stadium shipped to Iraq and turned into a six-lane highway.
We want Bill Romanowski to stop needing to apologize so often.
We want Jack Del Rio to have more fun this fall than he had this summer.
We want Priest Holmes to win the rushing title and not say, "Well, I told you so." We just want him to smile knowingly.
We want Julian Peterson to take a few turns at wide receiver.
We want Mike Vanderjagt to win a couple of games for Indianapolis.
We want Bill Cowher to have at least one great running-off-the-field-after-the-game rant at an official.
We want the next governor of poverty-enhanced California to pledge that he will never let a team come into L.A., but would export the three teams he has for the right price.
Coach Mike Holmgren continues to be a big fan of the job GM Bob Ferguson is doing in the Seahawks' front office.
We want Mike Holmgren to say, "We really improved ourselves at general manager."
We want the Giants to promise never, ever to change their uniforms again.
We want the Rams to change their uniforms back as quickly as possible.
We want Daniel Snyder to say, "Oh, the hell with it. Just call me Dan."
We want the Chargers to win one of their last four games, just to quell the rumors that they only get paid through Thanksgiving.
We want the 49ers to stop saying their new stadium plan is coming along nicely.
We want the Dolphins' season not to be about Dave Wannstedt.
We want Joey Porter to be Comeback Player of the Year.
We want the Lions to win one game away from home this year -- even if it means playing Michigan State in East Lansing.
We want the Colts to score in a playoff game. After that, they're on their own.
We want Mike Shanahan to relax his jaw before his face explodes and showers the field with bolts, springs and screws.
We want Drew Henson to find his happiness, even if it means being a Houston Texan.
We want the phrase "The Eli Manning Sweepstakes" to be banned entirely.
We want the Arizona Cardinals to get to the Super Bowl, and Bill Bidwill to be held up at the gate by security.
We want noticeable playing time for Armegis Spearman, Ovie Mughelli, Hank Poteat, Robaire Smith, R-Kal Truluck, N.D. Kalu, Peppi Zellner, Artose Pinner, Bhawoh Jue, Johndale Carty, Jerametrius Butler, Isaiah Kacyvenski and R-Kal Truluck, again.
And finally, we want the Super Bowl pre-game show to go on pay-per-view, so we can miss it with an even clearer conscience.
