My wife and I completed our cert dives at the Blue Hole in NM this past weekend. Yay! Unfortunately the experience was not as rosy and fun as I thought it would be. I actually had a panic attack underwater and I want to post about it for the potential benefit of others, and despite potential great embarassment to myself (I'm willing to risk it).
My first 'problem' was with the water temperature. The water was so cold (61F, I know some of you are already saying "wimp" under your breath) that every time we submerged my chest was hitching and I couldn't breathe right for a few seconds. I pretty much felt that I couldn't take a full breath the whole time I was underwater - I think this was due to a poorly fitted wetsuit. This feeling of restricted breathing did not really help my anxiety level. But the first dive went flawlessly, and I was actually very comfortable during the entire dive.
The problems started on dive 2. When we got down to 35 feet my mask sprung a leak. I cleared it, but it kept flooding. I cleared it again, then a third time, but then I made a big mistake.
When I'm underwater I have to really concentrate on my breathing because I'm a nose breather. When I'm not consciously focusing on my breathing, I keep trying to breath in through my nose, which usually works out since as long as the mask was sealed and there wasn't any water in it, nothing bad happened. Well unfortunately this time there was plenty of water - and on what was going to be my fourth clearing attempt I inhaled a nice big noseful of it.
I started coughing and choking, which is no big deal, I did a lot of that in the pool and was always fine with just coughing into my regulator until I was good again. But this time, it is not that easy. All the while my mask is still flooding, and as I'm coughing and gasping I keep sucking little bits of water in through my nose. At this point the panic is starting to set in, and I begin hyperventilating. I consciously try to regain control of my breathing, but it isn't working. I feel like I can't breathe, specifically that I can't exhale. I decide I need to go up, NOW.
My instructor grabs me to try and keep me down there but that just pushes me into full panic mode. I really, really want to get up to the surface and she's holding me down! I keep kicking towards the surface and eventually she goes up with me, making sure to keep me from going up too fast. Whatever these guys and gals get paid to put up with people like me, it's not enough.
I do a fairly normal ascent, remembering the superman, remembering to let air out of my bcd, and I'm swimming up rather than riding the BCD... all the while unable to breathe properly and unable to see very well. All I can think about as I'm going up, besides the fact that I can't breathe, is that I'm going to rupture a lung and kill myself. I remember to keep my airway open even though my breathing is way out of control, and when I finally get to the surface I let out the most massive (volume-wise) belch of my entire life. I must have been swallowing air instead of breathing it at some point. :shakehead Another instructor has me swim over the ledge where I join another student who had just done basically the same thing. We sit in the dunce corner until the instructors think we are calm enough to go back out.
The whole experience scared the crap out of me. Up until that point I had been totally comfortable in the water. I never had any trouble in the pool sessions, never felt panicky or out of breath even through the 1st cert dive. But once that water went down my nose unexpectedly and I started hyperventilating when I couldn't solve all the problems I was having, I got to experience true panic for the first time in my life.
It sucked. Bigtime. I was totally caught by surprise, since I had been so comfortable up to that point. It was very difficult to convince myself to go back down and finish the skills for dive 2, but I managed it. I then promptly repeated the incident, sucking water into my nose and hyperventilating. This time I keep better composure even though I still feel like I can't breathe. My instructor holds me in place and gives me the signal to breathe slowly. I keep trying to control my breathing but it doesn't work. I signal that I want to go up, she says no. Alright fine, I'll keep trying dammit. We spend probably a minute down there, she's trying to calm me down and I'm trying to calm down with every fiber in my being. Not working. I tell her again I want to go up. She nods her head and I think "She knows I want to go up but she wants me to keep trying". So I stay another 30 seconds trying to get my breathing back under control. Not working. I tell her again that I want to go up, and she nods again. This time I realize she's saying "OK go ahead". So I start up, doing a perfectly normal slow ascent up from 35 feet. I am praised for my ascent, actually - they say I did a fantastic job considering the state of mind I was in.
At this point I am ready to quit. What is going on? Why am I having all these problems all of a sudden? WHY CAN'T I BREATHE?
At least this time I managed to clear the mask and complete the skill before I lost it, so I don't have to do that again. I go back down to 35 feet, for the 3rd time on 1 dive, and finish the remaining skills. We get out of the water and I am really depressed. This was not how I wanted to end the day.
The next day, I was terrified that I was going to repeat the incident when we had to do the full flood & clear again, AND do the mask removal. As soon as we went down for dive 3, I actually hung on the platform at 35 feet working on my breathing with my eyes closed, feeling like a scared little puppy - my anxiety at the upcoming skill test was getting my breathing out of whack again and I had to force myself to breathe normally. My instructor had me do a hover via manual inflation (no problem) then asked me to flood and clear. I shook my head, no way. I wasn't ready. That was probably the lowest point of the weekend for me. I felt like such a failure. She gave me the OK and moved to the next student. I sat, breathed, and screwed up my courage. I wasn't scared of doing the clear itself, I was scared setting off the chain reaction again. Once I start coughing, I can't stop myself from trying to breathe through my nose, and it just gets worse from there.
I didn't quit, though. I just kept focusing on my breathing, watching the other people do their skills. I saw another girl in my class do the same thing I had done the day before - she inhaled a bunch of water and started choking like crazy, with her mask still full of water. This was exactly what I was afraid of doing. Then I watched her fix the problem... she just pinched her nose shut and regained control of her breathing within a couple of breaths.
Eureka!
For some stupid reason I had never thought of that. So simple - when things go wrong and I can't focus on not breathing through my nose and compounding the problem, all I have to do is pinch it shut and hold my regulator in while I cough my brains out. Armed with this amazing new technique, I was ready to try another clear.
Well the rest of the story is pretty boring (much like everything else up to this point for a lot of you, I suppose). I finished the skills, used the nose pinch to save myself when I did suck some water in a little bit later, and came out of dive 3 with new confidence. Dive 4 went without a hitch and we got to do some fun touring and swimming around the Blue Hole, playing with the crawdads, and for the first time since dive 1 I was actually enjoying myself. Out of the water for dive 4 and that's it, I'm done. I'm a diver.
(Notice I did not say I was a GOOD diver.)
I still have a lot to work on, and a new respect for the calm it requires to solve problems at 40 feet. My instructor says I will be a better diver having gone through what I did during dive 2, and although at the time it sounded like a false reassurance, perhaps she's right. I certainly would not have wanted to go through that experience away from a level headed mentor, and it taught me that panic is the real danger. Hopefully, having gone through this experience, I will be able to keep my cool a lot better the next time I run into a bad situation underwater.
My first 'problem' was with the water temperature. The water was so cold (61F, I know some of you are already saying "wimp" under your breath) that every time we submerged my chest was hitching and I couldn't breathe right for a few seconds. I pretty much felt that I couldn't take a full breath the whole time I was underwater - I think this was due to a poorly fitted wetsuit. This feeling of restricted breathing did not really help my anxiety level. But the first dive went flawlessly, and I was actually very comfortable during the entire dive.
The problems started on dive 2. When we got down to 35 feet my mask sprung a leak. I cleared it, but it kept flooding. I cleared it again, then a third time, but then I made a big mistake.
When I'm underwater I have to really concentrate on my breathing because I'm a nose breather. When I'm not consciously focusing on my breathing, I keep trying to breath in through my nose, which usually works out since as long as the mask was sealed and there wasn't any water in it, nothing bad happened. Well unfortunately this time there was plenty of water - and on what was going to be my fourth clearing attempt I inhaled a nice big noseful of it.
I started coughing and choking, which is no big deal, I did a lot of that in the pool and was always fine with just coughing into my regulator until I was good again. But this time, it is not that easy. All the while my mask is still flooding, and as I'm coughing and gasping I keep sucking little bits of water in through my nose. At this point the panic is starting to set in, and I begin hyperventilating. I consciously try to regain control of my breathing, but it isn't working. I feel like I can't breathe, specifically that I can't exhale. I decide I need to go up, NOW.
My instructor grabs me to try and keep me down there but that just pushes me into full panic mode. I really, really want to get up to the surface and she's holding me down! I keep kicking towards the surface and eventually she goes up with me, making sure to keep me from going up too fast. Whatever these guys and gals get paid to put up with people like me, it's not enough.
I do a fairly normal ascent, remembering the superman, remembering to let air out of my bcd, and I'm swimming up rather than riding the BCD... all the while unable to breathe properly and unable to see very well. All I can think about as I'm going up, besides the fact that I can't breathe, is that I'm going to rupture a lung and kill myself. I remember to keep my airway open even though my breathing is way out of control, and when I finally get to the surface I let out the most massive (volume-wise) belch of my entire life. I must have been swallowing air instead of breathing it at some point. :shakehead Another instructor has me swim over the ledge where I join another student who had just done basically the same thing. We sit in the dunce corner until the instructors think we are calm enough to go back out.
The whole experience scared the crap out of me. Up until that point I had been totally comfortable in the water. I never had any trouble in the pool sessions, never felt panicky or out of breath even through the 1st cert dive. But once that water went down my nose unexpectedly and I started hyperventilating when I couldn't solve all the problems I was having, I got to experience true panic for the first time in my life.
It sucked. Bigtime. I was totally caught by surprise, since I had been so comfortable up to that point. It was very difficult to convince myself to go back down and finish the skills for dive 2, but I managed it. I then promptly repeated the incident, sucking water into my nose and hyperventilating. This time I keep better composure even though I still feel like I can't breathe. My instructor holds me in place and gives me the signal to breathe slowly. I keep trying to control my breathing but it doesn't work. I signal that I want to go up, she says no. Alright fine, I'll keep trying dammit. We spend probably a minute down there, she's trying to calm me down and I'm trying to calm down with every fiber in my being. Not working. I tell her again I want to go up. She nods her head and I think "She knows I want to go up but she wants me to keep trying". So I stay another 30 seconds trying to get my breathing back under control. Not working. I tell her again that I want to go up, and she nods again. This time I realize she's saying "OK go ahead". So I start up, doing a perfectly normal slow ascent up from 35 feet. I am praised for my ascent, actually - they say I did a fantastic job considering the state of mind I was in.
At this point I am ready to quit. What is going on? Why am I having all these problems all of a sudden? WHY CAN'T I BREATHE?
At least this time I managed to clear the mask and complete the skill before I lost it, so I don't have to do that again. I go back down to 35 feet, for the 3rd time on 1 dive, and finish the remaining skills. We get out of the water and I am really depressed. This was not how I wanted to end the day.
The next day, I was terrified that I was going to repeat the incident when we had to do the full flood & clear again, AND do the mask removal. As soon as we went down for dive 3, I actually hung on the platform at 35 feet working on my breathing with my eyes closed, feeling like a scared little puppy - my anxiety at the upcoming skill test was getting my breathing out of whack again and I had to force myself to breathe normally. My instructor had me do a hover via manual inflation (no problem) then asked me to flood and clear. I shook my head, no way. I wasn't ready. That was probably the lowest point of the weekend for me. I felt like such a failure. She gave me the OK and moved to the next student. I sat, breathed, and screwed up my courage. I wasn't scared of doing the clear itself, I was scared setting off the chain reaction again. Once I start coughing, I can't stop myself from trying to breathe through my nose, and it just gets worse from there.
I didn't quit, though. I just kept focusing on my breathing, watching the other people do their skills. I saw another girl in my class do the same thing I had done the day before - she inhaled a bunch of water and started choking like crazy, with her mask still full of water. This was exactly what I was afraid of doing. Then I watched her fix the problem... she just pinched her nose shut and regained control of her breathing within a couple of breaths.
Eureka!
For some stupid reason I had never thought of that. So simple - when things go wrong and I can't focus on not breathing through my nose and compounding the problem, all I have to do is pinch it shut and hold my regulator in while I cough my brains out. Armed with this amazing new technique, I was ready to try another clear.
Well the rest of the story is pretty boring (much like everything else up to this point for a lot of you, I suppose). I finished the skills, used the nose pinch to save myself when I did suck some water in a little bit later, and came out of dive 3 with new confidence. Dive 4 went without a hitch and we got to do some fun touring and swimming around the Blue Hole, playing with the crawdads, and for the first time since dive 1 I was actually enjoying myself. Out of the water for dive 4 and that's it, I'm done. I'm a diver.
(Notice I did not say I was a GOOD diver.)
I still have a lot to work on, and a new respect for the calm it requires to solve problems at 40 feet. My instructor says I will be a better diver having gone through what I did during dive 2, and although at the time it sounded like a false reassurance, perhaps she's right. I certainly would not have wanted to go through that experience away from a level headed mentor, and it taught me that panic is the real danger. Hopefully, having gone through this experience, I will be able to keep my cool a lot better the next time I run into a bad situation underwater.
