Inclusive Blonde Jokes Thread

[k4sdi]

So us guys can remember them!

Mark

 

[ednedfred]

A blind guy walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, wanna hear a good blonde joke?" The bartender replied, "buddy, I know you're blind and can't see any of the people in here, so I'm gonna help you out. I'm blond and I'm 6'4 and weigh 235 lbs. Troy sitting next to you is blond and is 6'1 and weighs 225 lbs. and Big John at the end of the bar is 6'7 and weighs 310 lbs. Now are you sure you want to tell us a blond joke?"

The blind guy thought for a moment and replied, "no, nevermind, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

 

[zeN||]

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.
"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
=-)

 

[Dryglove]

Actually they sound like a few of my former partners

 

[dogmael]

This blonde lady walks into a bank in downtown Manhattan, and asks for the manager. The manager comes out, looks at the lady who is very expensively dressed, and sees money$$$.

"How can I help Madam?" he says.

"I need to borrow $1000, right away" says the blonde

"Certainly Madam, we can arrange that for you (blha blah blah blah)..."

The blonde says "Can't we jsy skip all that ? I only need $1000. I need it for exactly one week, and I am willing to pay interest at 25%APR. Additionally, I will leave you my car as collatarel, and if I don't pay it back in a week, you keep the car."

The manager looks outside at the car - a brand new sparkling Rolls Royce.

A week later the blonde comes back , gives the manager $1005 dollars, and reclaims her car keys.

The manager says "If you don't mind me asking Madam, you really dont look as if you need to borrow money"

She replies "I might be blonde, sonny, but you show me somewhere else in New York I can park my car for $5 a week"

:mean:

 

[SiSmo]

Three Blondes Fishing

Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing
poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind
them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd
like to see your fishing licenses."

"We don't have any." replied the first blonde. "Well, if your
going to fish, you need fishing licenses." said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We
all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting
debris off the bottom of the river."

The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there
were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I
know of no law against it," said the Game Warden, "take all the
debris you want." And with that, the Game Warden left.

As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes
started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second
blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are
steelhead in this river?!"

 

[mars2u]

A few days ago I was having some work done at Eastgate Ford. A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one." She said that she did not know what it was but this piece had always been there. He gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right
THERE

(click on there)

 

[norcaldiver]

Did you call her an "ID-ten-t". ID10T...IDIOT.

 

[TexasMike]

A blonde walks into a hair salon. She walks up to one of the folks cutting hair and says, "My boyfriend has dandruff and he wanted me to ask you what he could use to controll it."

"That's easy," said the beautician. "Just give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde's face darkened with confusion, "Okay.... but what's 'shoulders'??"

 

[TexasMike]

A blond walks into the library and approaches the check out desk.

"I'd like to return this book. It's too confusing. Along with all those words there are tons of numbers to get through."

The librarian turns to her assistant, "Hey Gladys. I found out who took our phone book."