Non scuba deaths but request for information

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FWIW I never had a problem in big waves myself: they just take you up and down. (Getting in and out through big surf is another story.) Small waves and wind that splashes water in your face can be a nuisance, but if you spend enough time swimming laps in the pool, you learn to not breathe in water that gets into your mouth.
 
First of all, I'm sorry to hear what happened and your family has my condolences.

I remember being taught if wearing a shirt to float on your back and splash air under it to make a balloon and just try to get yourself somewhere safe. If no shirt, do the best you can to get somewhere safe, even if it isn't where you came from.

I can relate to the unmanned boat problem. In April, I was fishing along in about 20 of water with the trolling motor on cruise control set to slow speed. I went to put a rod down on the deck to switch to different one and mis-stepped to the floor at the same time a boat wake caused my boat to rock. It caused me to lose my balance and I went over the starboard side in a flash.

I lost the rod in the water because I hadn't quite let go of it and it went overboard with me. It was cool at 6am, so I was wearing a long sleeve cotton shirt, jeans and hiking boots. Water temps were in the low 60's. It seemed like forever to get to the surface and I had to work to stay afloat. Luckily, I had the remote control around my neck for the trolling motor and was able to stop the boat before it got too far away. I was freezing. If I hadn't had the remote around my neck, I wouldn't be typing this because the boat would have just kept going away faster than I could swim.

I always wear a life jacket and kill switch when I'm driving the boat because all it takes is a slight hiccup at 60 mph to throw you out of the boat. However, I never wore a life jacket while fishing. Now I wear an Onyx A-24 while I'm fishing for protection against going overboard....
 
Many places have boating laws requiring life vests be worn for this very reason.

In CA you have to have enough jackets for everyone but the only requirement to wear them is:

Under California law, every child under 13 years of age on a moving recreational vessel of any length must wear a Coast Guard-approved life jacket in serviceable condition and of a type and size appropriate for the conditions and the activity. The law does not apply to children under 13 years of age who are:
  • on a sailboat and are constrained by a harness tethered to the sailboat
  • in an enclosed cabin
  • on a vessel engaged in an emergency rescue situation

On my boat, I require passengers have them within reach and wear them when I ask. Also when going into water over their head, the water is cold and can take your breath away, which can get dangerous. Once acclimated they can remove them for swimming,
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/swift/

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