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m3830431
Contributor
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
"My name is Joshua. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
"My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.
Economic Stimulous "Stimulator" Act of 2008
The tax rebates created by the law will be paid to individual U.S. taxpayers during 2008. Most taxpayers will receive a rebate of $600 per person, plus $300 per dependent child under the age of 17. All taxpayers below the income limit will receive a rebate of at least $300 per person. There are other amounts depending on individual circumstances.....HOWEVER
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, and neither will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way I can see to keep that money here at home is to buy beer, spend it on prostitution or play golf as those are the only businesses still in the U.S.!"
"Your cooperation will be appreciated......"
The tax rebates created by the law will be paid to individual U.S. taxpayers during 2008. Most taxpayers will receive a rebate of $600 per person, plus $300 per dependent child under the age of 17. All taxpayers below the income limit will receive a rebate of at least $300 per person. There are other amounts depending on individual circumstances.....HOWEVER
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China. If we spend it on gasoline it will all go to the Arabs, and neither will help the American economy. We need to keep that money here in America, so the only way I can see to keep that money here at home is to buy beer, spend it on prostitution or play golf as those are the only businesses still in the U.S.!"
"Your cooperation will be appreciated......"
m3830431
Contributor
I'll go for the beer, but make sure it is not an import.
OP
sandshaker
Contributor
A priest a Rabbi and a Wombat walk into a Bar. The Bartender goes “Hey, what is this ......... a joke?” …
mlkco
Contributor
Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along a country road one
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver
tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to
lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
'What happened to you,' asked Hillary?
'Well,' the driver replied, 'the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad
passionate love to me.'!
'My God, what did you tell them?' asked Hillary.
The driver replied, 'I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it.'
evening when an ancient cow loomed in front of the car. The driver
tried to avoid it but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.
Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the
owners what had happened. She stayed in the car making phone calls to
lobbyists.
About an hour later the driver staggered back to the car with his
clothes in disarray. He was holding a half-empty bottle of expensive
wine in one hand, a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.
'What happened to you,' asked Hillary?
'Well,' the driver replied, 'the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife
gave me the wine, and their beautiful twin daughters made mad
passionate love to me.'!
'My God, what did you tell them?' asked Hillary.
The driver replied, 'I just stepped inside the door and said, I'm
Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the old cow. The rest
happened so fast I couldn't stop it.'
DivingPrincessE
Contributor
If you humor seekers haven't read this, you have to! It's one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/whine-cheeze/223684-changing-light-bulb.html
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/whine-cheeze/223684-changing-light-bulb.html
santafejoe
Contributor
Comments made in the year 1955:
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost
29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems
every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the century They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas "
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a
whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best
people to congress."
"The drive- in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It
costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is
too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
Know friends who would get a kick out of these? Pass it on!
"I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's
going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $20."
"Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long
before $2000 will only buy a used one."
"If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a
pack is ridiculous."
"Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just
to mail a letter?"
"If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire
outside help at the store."
"When I started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost
29 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the
garage."
"Kids today are impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it
impossible to stay groomed. Next thing you know, boys will be wearing
their hair as long as the girls."
"I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. Ever since they let
Clark Gable get by with saying 'damn' in 'Gone With The Wind,' it seems
every new movie has either "hell" or "damn" in it.
"I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put
a man on the moon by the end of the century They even have some fellows
they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas "
"Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for
$75,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday
they'll be making more than the president."
"I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be
electric. They are even making electric typewriters now."
"It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married
women are having to work to make ends meet."
"It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire
someone to watch their kids so they can both work."
"Marriage doesn't mean a thing any more; those Hollywood stars seem to
be getting divorced at the drop of a hat."
"I'm just afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a
whole lot of foreign business."
"Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes
half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best
people to congress."
"The drive- in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I
seriously doubt they will ever catch on."
"There is no sense going to Lincoln or Omaha anymore for a weekend. It
costs nearly $15 a night to stay in a hotel."
"No one can afford to be sick any more; $35 a day in the hospital is
too rich for my blood."
"If they think I'll pay 50 cents for a hair cut, forget it."
Know friends who would get a kick out of these? Pass it on!
mike_s
Contributor
Understanding the difference between a Republican and a Democrat...
Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came upon another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Fred Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.
Now do you understand the difference?
Fred Thompson and Hillary Clinton were walking down a Washington DC street when they came upon a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came upon another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Fred Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5.
Now do you understand the difference?
minikinminx
Contributor
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