Thank you all. After having a day to think about it, and hashing it over and over with my husband (it IS valentine's day so this was his gift to me
) my real problem is that I freaked, not that I couldn't do the skill. I actually remember finding the regulator and sticking it back in my mouth, (my husband concurs) but I couldn't clear it, forgot about the purge button, all I was getting was water, I couldn't blow out (no air), so I bolted to the surface. {though it was a slow "bolt" as there was no air in the bcd or in my lungs}, and the instructor had grabbed me as well. Then we went to the shallow end and I did it okay, and damn sure I pushed the heck out of the purge button. So, maybe I'll never forget about that again, if I can't clear it with my lungs.
Clearly I need more practice and I do agree with the statements that I should have pushed the instructor for more time - he was definitely rushing us (just the two of us in the class) and we had done everything perfectly until then, so he didn't make us "practice" anything extra times. I think since we had done things right until then he let himself get too confident in our skills and took us to the deep end. we had done the share air exercise, switch regulator for snorkel, breathe from freeflowing regulator, OOA, etc, in the shallow end, so this wasn't the first time I'd had the regulator out of my mouth underwater. I'm going to insist on more patience though, and more practice, and I told my husband if he doesn't do it, I 'm going to go elsewhere.
Because I paniced, i'm going to do a lot of the positive visualization that was suggested on this thread.