(Satire) Hundreds of dead divers found on FL beaches

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Location
In a State Park, on the coast of Florida
# of dives
DESTIN, Florida (AP) -- Scientists are puzzeled at a recent

(AP) A total of 297 divers died after swimming onto beaches of the Florida panhandle, authorities said yesterday as the search continued for more divers in danger.

The mass deaths in Okaloosa County began when 297 animals -- 172 scuba divers and 125 free divers -- perished Sunday on local beaches, state government environment spokesman Happy Gilmore said.

Dozens of rescuers dragged 24 surviving divers -- each about 6-feet-long and weighing between 130 and 210 lbs -- into deep water in an exhausting 10-hour operation that ended late Monday, he said.

The risk that the rescued divers would beach themselves again appeared to have passed by Tuesday morning, Gilmore said.

"We've flown all the beaches in northwest Florida this morning with the chopper and there's no sign of a pod of divers anywhere," he said. "So we're pretty confident now that they've safely gone back out to sea."

On Santa Rosa Island, marine biologists will continue Tuesday to take samples and measurements from the dead divers strewn along a remote beach and examine weather patterns in a bid to explain the tragic phenomenon, Gilmore said.

"Strandings are always a mystery; we'll see if we can find something that can shed some light on it," he said.

Strandings of scuba divers on Florida's beaches are not rare but mass strandings are.

University of Florida diver researcher Luke Skywalker, who has studied beachings for more than 80 years, said cyclic climatic events that bring cold water and nutrients from Antarctica closer to the Florida coast may be responsible.

By the Red Power Ranger
©MMIV, The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
 
photohikedive:
DESTIN, Florida (AP) -- Scientists are puzzeled at a recent

(AP) A total of 297 divers died after swimming onto beaches of the Florida panhandle, authorities said yesterday as the search continued for more divers in danger.

The mass deaths in Okaloosa County began when 297 animals -- 172 scuba divers and 125 free divers -- perished Sunday on local beaches, state government environment spokesman Happy Gilmore said.

Dozens of rescuers dragged 24 surviving divers -- each about 6-feet-long and weighing between 130 and 210 lbs -- into deep water in an exhausting 10-hour operation that ended late Monday, he said.

The risk that the rescued divers would beach themselves again appeared to have passed by Tuesday morning, Gilmore said.

"We've flown all the beaches in northwest Florida this morning with the chopper and there's no sign of a pod of divers anywhere," he said. "So we're pretty confident now that they've safely gone back out to sea."

On Santa Rosa Island, marine biologists will continue Tuesday to take samples and measurements from the dead divers strewn along a remote beach and examine weather patterns in a bid to explain the tragic phenomenon, Gilmore said.

"Strandings are always a mystery; we'll see if we can find something that can shed some light on it," he said.

Strandings of scuba divers on Florida's beaches are not rare but mass strandings are.

University of Florida diver researcher Luke Skywalker, who has studied beachings for more than 80 years, said cyclic climatic events that bring cold water and nutrients from Antarctica closer to the Florida coast may be responsible.

By the Red Power Ranger
©MMIV, The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Scary stuff, you should get the hell out of here while you still can! Save yourself, move north!!!!
 
please don't go reading, and responding to all the FL satire threads, the people reading the "NEW THREADS" might get confused, and think diving in FL is deadly.

oh, and go make sure the tags are still on your mattresses
 
photohikedive:
please don't go reading, and responding to all the FL satire threads, the people reading the "NEW THREADS" might get confused, and think diving in FL is deadly.

[snip]

...and if they do, sorry about their luck... {shrug}

...guess that will leave FL more accessible to those of us that know better. :D
 
wb416:
...and if they do, sorry about their luck... {shrug}

...guess that will leave FL more accessible to those of us that know better. :D


sadly but no. I heard rumors today about a guy convincing a DIR to try his split fins. Everyone for ten miles grew webbed toes and instanly keeled over, yep, you guessed it, dead!

just goes to show, once you go DIR, you can never go back
 

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