gcarter
Contributor
I don't mind admitting to that being my email, but couldn't you have fixed the typo for me? Embarrassing!
I also want to add that it can be like a big family for those who have been here awhile and know people well either online or personally. But for newcomers it's a bit like standing outside on the veranda, hoping someone will notice you, open the door, allow you to speak and have an opinion, and reply to you politely.
I don't think argument is good at any time. Informed debate for me is far better all round as it promotes a more positive learning environment too. So gcarter, I'm afraid I'm in the camp that does expect better, especially from people who call themselves adults! If some people on here can reply politely, we all can don't you think?
Although that sounds like a reasonable and logical position, it is my opinion that it is an idealistic one that ignores human nature. We are all fallible, and none of us are always at our best. It is the human condition, and wishing it were different does not make it so. Let’s also remember that different communication styles can be misinterpreted - this does not mean they are wrong, just misinterpreted.
The mods do great job of smacking down egregious incidents of willful rudeness and nastiness. Part of being an adult is owning your own reaction to what others say and do. One of my favorite quotes was from Indra Nooyi, CEO of Pepsico, and is found here: The best advice I ever got - Indra Nooyi (7) - FORTUNE
This is what adults do - they assume positive intent. Sometimes the packaging is left wanting, but the intent is the important thought. Just like a gift - it really is the thought that counts even if you don't like the way it is wrapped.
My father was an absolutely wonderful human being. From him I learned to always
assume positive intent. Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent.
You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes
very different. When you assume negative intent, you're angry. If you take away
that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional
quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You
don't get defensive. You don't scream. You are trying to understand and listen
because at your basic core you are saying, "Maybe they are saying something to
me that I'm not hearing." So "assume positive intent" has been a huge piece of
advice for me.
In business, sometimes in the heat of the moment, people
say things. You can either misconstrue what they're saying and assume they are
trying to put you down, or you can say, "Wait a minute. Let me really get behind
what they are saying to understand whether they're reacting because they're
hurt, upset, confused, or they don't understand what it is I've asked them to
do." If you react from a negative perspective - because you didn't like the way
they reacted - then it just becomes two negatives fighting each other. But when
you assume positive intent, I think often what happens is the other person says,
"Hey, wait a minute, maybe I'm wrong in reacting the way I do because this
person is really making an effort."