Teen Daughter Draging Her Feet

[devolution365]

I just remembered... The West Edmonton Mall in Alberta has an aquarium you can dive in. What's cooler is -there's a submarine ride that goes through it as well and the divers can wave to the people on the sub. Promise her a dive trip to Canada (!?!) -that'll do the trick!

 

[The Kraken]

Teen.
Daughter.

nuff said!

Pick your battles, you may just win one, but not likely!

the K

 

[Jim Lapenta]

i am 23 and started diving when i was 18 just decided i wanted to try something and have been loving it ever since but it would have been much better if a friend of mine would have joined me. she may be afraid of something or not like something about it u should try and find that out before u keep asking her to finish. and try and get an answer out of her on why she keeps procrastinating and slacking u might be surprised dont buy the mall thing 14 is a little to early for that

Too early? C'mon around here 14 is an old maid at the mall! My son just got certified this year at 18. Was real gung ho when I brought it up for his graduation present. When it came time I had to step back and let my instructor take him by himself. Know what I realized. I wanted him certified more than he did. So we could do something together. He's in the air force now. I have not heard from him for two weeks. His mom has. Found out he's leaving texas(flight crew training) on monday for california.(linquist school at the Presidio [Chinese]). Wondering if maybe I pushed too hard. He's mentioned me sending his gear when he gets there but not with the enthusiasm I would have it I were going to be with in walking distance(almost) of the Bay aquarium and the ocean. Back off dad. Let her do her thing. Get involved with some of her activities. If she'll let you and won't be embarrassed by it. I'd stay away from the make-up parties(my sister used to have them but that was in the 70's so who knows what goes on now) or whatever the girl stuff is tho. We as parents need to remember they are people with their own interests and those may be way different than ours. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be invoved in their lives. But like these people that live their failed sports lives thru their kids(parents should be banned from little league and peewee football) or enter toddlers in beauty contests when they should be out playing, the consequences of doing this can be severe or even tragic.

 

[scububa]

Hey, any advice from you younger divers as to what motivated you to get into diving and why your diving (girls especially). It seems like my daughter (14) is procrastinating on finishing her OW class. All she has left is pool and dives. Any suggestion on motivating her let me know.

Dad

To Dad,
Not sure this will help much, but I have 2 teenage daughters (currently 14 and 16). We all got certified together. I think one thing they liked about that was they knew as much as i did We have been diving together (and with others on the marina boat) ever since. We spend a week camping and diving in the summer, each year we do another class, we go stay at B&B's, we went to Coz (plan on it again). Mom doesn't dive, but loves to hang around it.

Now the younger one is more aggressive and likely to explore. The older one likes to sleep and is not a real in your face kind of person. She gets cold very easy. The younger one never does. The older one is not interested in learning which end of a screw driver to hold. The younger one points out that if I trust her to dive to 60 ft. then I should trust her to handle the air nailer (which of course I do and she is excellent). She can run alot of tools and LOVES gadgets. The older one generally prefers me to leave her alone, the younger one likes to hang out with me.

For the diving...I never would have believed it, but the older one is ready to get in the water, in where, any time, to as deep as it makes sense to go. She will be the first one back in for a second dive in a wet suit in 55 degree air and water. She loves to night dive. If there is an opportunity to do a science experiment underwater, she wants to make the apparatus and get it in the water and do it. Her younger sister wants no part of diving in cold/dark water. She doesn't like to night dive. She doesn't like trees. She wants to stay above the thermocline and feed the fish. She'll go to Coz and dive away, but locally she hardly goes below 20 ft. Her older sister and I recently got our cavern certification (46 degree air, rainy, and 57 degree water).

I guess my point is that I haven't figured it out either. We like doing things together and generally always have. What we do is ALMOST secondary (of course that is tending to change). And go figure, the older one has a permit and even though her friends are getting their driver's license, she has no motivation to get hers.

When we dive, I try not to be so much a Dad. I try to let everybody chime in on the planning, just as if I was diving with my buddy. Try not to lead too much, try not to force the others to make all the decisions, either. Of course when it comes to putting the gear away, that usually has to change :-D

From another Dad

 

[garyfotodiver]

My daughters have all been offered the opportunity to dive, but so far only #4 has taken me up on it. She was not really enthused (I think she took the course just to mollify me) until we dove together for the first time. Coming face-to-face with a sea turtle opened her eyes.

Now daughter #5, who is 8 years old, cannot wait until she turns 12. That's the minimum age in my house to go diving.

 

[devolution365]

Yeah, that's a good point. My parents aren't divers, but always involved me in planning family vacations -then while my Dad drove, sometimes I'd be handed the map in the car to "navigate". I felt like part of the "team" that way -like more of an adult. (And I learned how to read a map!)

I think that's why teens push away from their parents, to feel like they're their own person. If you can embrace the independant streak and take advantage of it by letting it draw her in (by giving her some responsibility in choosing and planning the next dive vacation or something?) it may help?

 

[mike_s]

She is really intrested in diving the problem is the mall....if they only had an underwater mall...

Well, you can dive at the "Mall of America" in Minneapolis. (I'm serious)

Tell her you'll take her there...


http://www.mallofamerica.com/about_...name_Underwater_Adventures_Aquarium_E120.aspx

http://www.underwaterworld.com/

 

[Al Mialkovsky]

As an instructor I see students come along who don't seem to want to finish. I don't push them. It has to be something you really want to do for yourself. Just talk about how much fun you had diving but let her come around on her own.

 

[almitywife]

our 12yr old has been doing her theory for the past month or so and was all gun-ho about it. last week we gave her the date that hubby taking her into her pool sessions and a suddenly there was a decline in eagerness.

turns out she become anxious about it... its all cool to talk about it and get excited about it and tell your friends about it, but when the actual day is near, her anxiety levels rose... and thinking back, the same happened with me, werent alot of us a excited and nervous about our 1st time divinig?

we reminding her that its her choice and at her pace, if she is uncomfortable about anything we will stop, afterall its suppose to be fun also. (the fact that she loves using the scooter in the pool is an added incentive).

thankfully she hasnt discovered the mall yet (the joys of internet shopping!) and i keep the boys away with my trusty rusty dive knife but now my concern is the son's of friend divers... if only i could carry a spear gun on scuba in my state.

worse case senario - if she starts the course, completing the skills competently and feels safe in the water but decides she doesnt want to complete it because she decides its not for her.... i think i would ask her to finish off just so she can show herself that she finished what she started. my angle will be you are starting to grow up and this is one of those tests to show that you didnt quit just because you became bored with it. well, i would try anyway because we all know there are some things you just cant make a kid do but need to give them about 20yrs for them to come back and say "you were right about that thing"

 

[kittyjg]

Boys, mall. Hormones. At 14, who knows what is going through her mind. She may not be totally sure herself. (I wasn't.)

She may be feeling uncomfortable with her skills. If she hasn't had any pool sessions, maybe she feels overwhelmed with the information. Or she is afraid of disappointing Dad.
Don't push. That may only scare her off longer. As long as you continue to dive and tell stories about what you saw, she may get motivated to continue.

Let her know that the ratio of male to female divers is wonderful !! Normally when I am on a dive boat, the ratio is at least 3 or 4 males to 1 female. Guys think it is cool that a girl can dive. (as long as you are her buddy until she is 30.)
As I told my son (he just turned 15 and wants a new ID card with an older picture), "how may of his friends have proof they were certified before they were 15 yrs old". He thought that through and liked the idea.

Does she read this forum? She may have questions that she is uncomfortable asking, but can search for answers here.

You do remember years ago, parents are dumber than a box of rocks and kids are amazed that their parents made it to adulthood. Then they realize their parents were smarter than they thought once they become adults.