Wet Lawyer Jokes

[Hockeynut]

I'm a tow company owner. A real person with one of those, "blue collar" jobs. If it wasn't for other peoples misfortunes, we wouldn't have jobs.You are no different. If anyone wants to take a rip at me go right ahead, i'm no better than anyone else here. :07: O.K.,O.K., A Scuba diver, a Lawyer, and a tow truck driver sit down at the bar. The bartender says, "Is this a joke?" Oh great, now I am offended!!!!!

99% of all tow truck drivers give the rest a bad name!


Crap, I'm stickin with the lawyer.

 

[Taipeidiver]

Take a look at this site for all the lawyer jokes you ever needed and then some.

http://www.gigaflop.demon.co.uk/humour/lawyer.htm

I myself am a consultant (contracts and commercial) to a bunch of Japanese companies working here in Taiwan. I would welcome a little personal ridicule to liven up an otherwise dull day so have at me, if you will.

 

[junior diver]

If anyone has any good investor jokes, commercial fishing jokes, student jokes, or lawyer jokes, send them on over.
Jamie

Theres three men in a bar, the first goes "My sons a business investor, and he's just bought a Mercedes and given it to his partner!" The second goes, "I can beat that, my sons a lawyer and he just bought a HOUSE and gave it to his partner!" They look at the third man and expecting him to answer ask "What does your son do?" He answered, "He's a student." The first man asked "Whats wrong with that?" The third goes "Nothing, but his boyfriends have just bought him a Mercedes and a house!"

Student by the way.

 

[Valwood1]

A guy is floating in a hot air balloon and becomes lost. He sees a man walking on a road, descends, and asks the man, “I’m heading for Bakersfield. Where am I?”

The man looks up, thinks for a minute, and replies, “You’re a longitude such-and-such, latitude such-and-such, 31 feet above the ground, moving in a southeasterly direction. “

The balloonist says, “You must be a lawyer.”

The man asks, “I am. How did you know?”

The balloonist says, “Because I asked you a question, you answered it, and I know no more now than I did before you answered it. You’ve been no help at all! And I am still lost.”

The lawyer says, “You must be a lawyer’s client.”

The balloonist says, “I am. How did you know?”

The lawyer says, “When we met, you didn’t know where you were, you didn’t know how you got there, and you didn’t know how to get where you want to go. You’re in exactly the same position that you were before we met. But, somehow, it’s now all my fault.”

 

[CathyI8205]

Valwood, I heard that one but it was about Republicans. I am one and appreciated it anyway.

I'm a secretary and would love to hear any jokes about that. I'm on the bottom of the totem pole but I hold everyone else up.

 

[O2BBubbleFree]

I'm a secretary and would love to hear any jokes about that. I'm on the bottom of the totem pole but I hold everyone else up.

Not really a joke, just something I noticed way back in High School:

If the school princple doesn't show up for work, no one notices.

If a school teacher doesn't show up for work, they have to hire a sub.

If the school secretary doesn't show up for work, they close the school!

Parallels exist in every area.

 

[Yeoh Chee Weng]

"........and I'll grant you three wishes", said the Genie to the man, "but whatever you wish for all the lawyers will get double".
"OK. My first wish is to have 10 millions dollars" said the man.
Poof ! and there it was $10 millions and all the lawyers got $20 millions.
"Next I'll like to have 10 Roll Royces".
And in an instant 10 Rolls line up before the man and 20 for all the lawyers.
"Lastly I want to donate one of my kidney......."

I hope this joke is more tasteful and no lawyers are offended. If I've offended anyone, my apologies. Please feel free to submit jokes about my profession - it's in my profile.

 

[H2Andy]

hehehe... i hadn't heard that one before

 

[derwoodwithasherwood]

How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????
The remote control slips from his hand.
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Lock a firefighter in a bare, windowless concrete room with nothing but two steel ball bearings, and when you come back in an hour he will have broken one and lost the other.

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What does CHAOS stand for?
Chief Has Arrived On Scene.

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A fireman came home after work and announced to his wife: "Dear, from now on we're going to do things around here like we do in the firehall. When I call One Bell, I want you to run into the bedroom. Two Bells means take off all your clothes. And when I yell Three Bells, I'm going to make mad passionate love to you. "

Later that night he yells "One Bell" and off she goes to the bedroom. "Two Bells" and she gets ready. "Three Bells" he hollers as he jumps in bed with her. A minute later she yells "Four Bells!"

"Four Bells?" he asks "What the heck is Four Bells?"

"More hose!" she cries "You're nowhere near the fire!"

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If H 2 0 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?
K 9 P

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Hazmat level determination:
If there's a cop on scene waving you in, the spilled chemicals won't kill you right away.
If there's a cop on scene lying towards you face down in the road, that's some bad stuff in there.
If the cop is lying on the ground faceing the spill, it's REALLY bad stuff.
If you don't have a cop handy, use a chief.

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What is in water that puts out fire?

The fireboat.

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How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change the bulb and 3 to chop a hole in the roof.