See I don't think the relationship is even close to 1:1. I think the majority of instructors are baboons. I know my OW, AOW, nitrox and rescue instructors were.
The OP has almost no diving experience. Yes he could probably teach a student to swim around underwater right now, but that won't be making "divers" just more baboons.
What's with the attitude? Making your point in as crass a manner as possible so as to completely turn off the person you're trying to reach? How is that helpful? It just makes you look like a prima donna, which is a pity because your posts are typically very helpful.