miketsp
Contributor
YOU MIGHT BE A TEC DIVER IF..........
... your idea of an easy dive is one in which your hang time is less than the length of the boat trip.
... you find yourself engaged in a heated three-day discussion on Scubaboard over whether your back-up compass belongs in your left or your right pocket.
... you buy more of your dive gear from B and Q than from the dive shop.
... your Sport Utility Vehicle has 4" of ground clearance.
... you had the electric company run three-phase power to your garage.
... your electric company has put you on a demand rate.
... you have two spare masks but you never bothered to replace the snorkel you lost last year.
... you think George Irvine III is God's prophet.
... you think George Irvine III is the devil incarnate.
... you consider your lap-top computer an essential piece of dive gear.
... you spend more for the gas that you breath than for the gas that goes into your car.
... you cancelled a dive because you forgot to bring a condom.
... while watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade, you think how much better you would use that gas floating Dino the Dinosaur
... using a whip as part of your passion has nothing to do with sex.
... your TWO car garage won't fit ONE.
... you have more money invested in dive gear than you do furnishings in the house or in the whole house itself.
... your idea of coffee table books are an autographed copy of "The Oxygen Hacker's Companion" and "Basic Diving Physics and Applications" by Bruce Wienke.
... you have no idea what a "coffee table book" is, or for that matter what a "coffee table" is. (You are probably also divorced).
... a coffee table is just a rusty hatch with 2x4 legs
... you have redundant TV remotes bungeed under your arms while watching football < when the football was taped and you're repairing regs on a Tuesday night that is>
... you write misspelled email at 1:12 am
... you calculate bailout schedules for commuting to work on the train or consistently recalculate how long you have to get to work if the bus continues at its present speed
... you just stage extra busses along the way and skip the math
... every spring you quit your job to work on the dive boat for no pay until October
... you use a handy bottle of 02 to re-light a cigar left sitting too long... (try it, it works great!)
... you have expensive equipment delivered to work rather than home to keep the wife from catching on...
... a keep a "getaway bag" packed and stashed in the corner of the closet in case a last minute dive opportunity pops up...
... you use a deco bottle to blow the dust off the kitchen refrigerator coils...
... your web "favourites" list consists entirely of weather web sites...
... all the speed dial numbers on your phone at work are programmed for dive partners and dive shops...
... you think that wearing adult diapers or gluing catheters to your todger is a macho thing to do...
... you have the morbid outlook that anytime a tragedy happens at sea you say, "is it diveable"?
... you have pale, white skin yet spend hours participating in outdoor "watersports".
... every time you pass a ship, you try to imagine it as a wreck dive.
and you really hate it when
Rec Divers insist on being treated as equals
Rec Divers ask you how much everything weighs, thereby reminding you of how much everything weighs
Rec Divers tell you, "That super-long octopus hose you have looped around your neck is kinda dangerous isn't it?"
Rec Divers want you to stand around and smile so they can take your picture in, "All the stuff..."
Rec Divers want to know why you carry seven small lights when you have the, "Great big one..."
Rec Divers have less to carry around for shorter distances, but complain more
Rec Divers think Surface Decompression is a put-on; "You're just a wimp!"
Rec Divers ask about deep diving fatalities while you gear up for a tough dive
Rec Divers ask why one buddy is not enough
Rec Divers head for cover during creative air fills
Rec Divers insist on lending you their spare snorkel
Rec Divers ask why you don't use the latest PADI or DCIEM dive tables
Rec Divers laugh at the Sacred Duct Tape
Rec Divers explain what you are doing to onlookers and get it all wrong
and worst of all
Rec Divers explain what you are doing to onlookers and get it all right!!!
... your idea of an easy dive is one in which your hang time is less than the length of the boat trip.
... you find yourself engaged in a heated three-day discussion on Scubaboard over whether your back-up compass belongs in your left or your right pocket.
... you buy more of your dive gear from B and Q than from the dive shop.
... your Sport Utility Vehicle has 4" of ground clearance.
... you had the electric company run three-phase power to your garage.
... your electric company has put you on a demand rate.
... you have two spare masks but you never bothered to replace the snorkel you lost last year.
... you think George Irvine III is God's prophet.
... you think George Irvine III is the devil incarnate.
... you consider your lap-top computer an essential piece of dive gear.
... you spend more for the gas that you breath than for the gas that goes into your car.
... you cancelled a dive because you forgot to bring a condom.
... while watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade, you think how much better you would use that gas floating Dino the Dinosaur
... using a whip as part of your passion has nothing to do with sex.
... your TWO car garage won't fit ONE.
... you have more money invested in dive gear than you do furnishings in the house or in the whole house itself.
... your idea of coffee table books are an autographed copy of "The Oxygen Hacker's Companion" and "Basic Diving Physics and Applications" by Bruce Wienke.
... you have no idea what a "coffee table book" is, or for that matter what a "coffee table" is. (You are probably also divorced).
... a coffee table is just a rusty hatch with 2x4 legs
... you have redundant TV remotes bungeed under your arms while watching football < when the football was taped and you're repairing regs on a Tuesday night that is>
... you write misspelled email at 1:12 am
... you calculate bailout schedules for commuting to work on the train or consistently recalculate how long you have to get to work if the bus continues at its present speed
... you just stage extra busses along the way and skip the math
... every spring you quit your job to work on the dive boat for no pay until October
... you use a handy bottle of 02 to re-light a cigar left sitting too long... (try it, it works great!)
... you have expensive equipment delivered to work rather than home to keep the wife from catching on...
... a keep a "getaway bag" packed and stashed in the corner of the closet in case a last minute dive opportunity pops up...
... you use a deco bottle to blow the dust off the kitchen refrigerator coils...
... your web "favourites" list consists entirely of weather web sites...
... all the speed dial numbers on your phone at work are programmed for dive partners and dive shops...
... you think that wearing adult diapers or gluing catheters to your todger is a macho thing to do...
... you have the morbid outlook that anytime a tragedy happens at sea you say, "is it diveable"?
... you have pale, white skin yet spend hours participating in outdoor "watersports".
... every time you pass a ship, you try to imagine it as a wreck dive.
and you really hate it when
Rec Divers insist on being treated as equals
Rec Divers ask you how much everything weighs, thereby reminding you of how much everything weighs
Rec Divers tell you, "That super-long octopus hose you have looped around your neck is kinda dangerous isn't it?"
Rec Divers want you to stand around and smile so they can take your picture in, "All the stuff..."
Rec Divers want to know why you carry seven small lights when you have the, "Great big one..."
Rec Divers have less to carry around for shorter distances, but complain more
Rec Divers think Surface Decompression is a put-on; "You're just a wimp!"
Rec Divers ask about deep diving fatalities while you gear up for a tough dive
Rec Divers ask why one buddy is not enough
Rec Divers head for cover during creative air fills
Rec Divers insist on lending you their spare snorkel
Rec Divers ask why you don't use the latest PADI or DCIEM dive tables
Rec Divers laugh at the Sacred Duct Tape
Rec Divers explain what you are doing to onlookers and get it all wrong
and worst of all
Rec Divers explain what you are doing to onlookers and get it all right!!!
