You ARE reading more in to my post than is there.
Perhaps my terminology was incorrect. When I talk about leading the dive -- of course we dove together in partnership .. the whole dive plan centered around my comfort level, what direction I felt like going, etc. - he wouldn't make me do anything I didn't want to do. As far as 'leading' the ascent ... terminology, "guiding" may have been a better choice of words, of course we went up together, he was with me every step of the way. It was me doing the grumbling not him because I couldn't make myself understood.
The point of my post was to share an article & post that were helpful to US in assessing what we could've done and will do in the future should anything similar occur. Please don't make my husband out to be an ogre.. he definitely is not and feels bad enough about the result. SORRY I took that personal, I know you were trying to help.
To answer a couple of questions: No I've never experienced a panic attack before - in the water or on dry land. I believe it was my inability to recognize that I had lost that CO2-O2 exchange causing me to feel like I wasn't getting the O2 I needed that brought on rapid breathing followed by stress/panic.
I lost conciousness on the surface, not underwater, and my husband had to have assistance getting me out of the water. CPR may or may not have been needed, it could have been because I was in a full 7mm dive suit (hood & all), I was cold, and have low blood pressure to boot that my rescuers (a passing doctor & a teacher of CPR) couldn't feel a pulse. A DAN hotline person said as experienced as he was/is at diving first aid he probably couldn't have felt a pulse with those conditions. Then I'm sure because they couldn't figure what did happen to me, they felt 'better safe than sorry' -- off to hyperbaric for you! We did complete a safety stop and had a normal ascent, "together."
Thanks for all your words of encouragement.