dead dog
Contributor
Most likely China.
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Husband and wife at breakfast.
Wife: "honey, if I ever die would you get married again?
Husband: "no I only love you"
Wife: "I'd want you to get married again"
Husband: "OK"
Wife: "If you do get married again, would your new wife live here in our house?"
Husband: "No. this is our house"
Wife: "I'd want her to live in our house"
Husband: "OK"
Wife: "Would you let your new wife dive with my Poisedin Odin reg"
Husband: "No. She's left handed"
Wife: "honey, if I ever die would you get married again?
Husband: "no I only love you"
Wife: "I'd want you to get married again"
Husband: "OK"
Wife: "If you do get married again, would your new wife live here in our house?"
Husband: "No. this is our house"
Wife: "I'd want her to live in our house"
Husband: "OK"
Wife: "Would you let your new wife dive with my Poisedin Odin reg"
Husband: "No. She's left handed"
Waterwulf
Contributor
A farmer is in front of his house one day when he sees a big black car coming down the country road. It pulls up right in front of him and a man with a three piece suit and briefcase gets out. He doesn't even say hello before he gets right to it. "I'm from the Government and I'm here to inspect everything" he says while flashing a Badge under the farmers nose. "Well, just wait one..." starts the farmer before being interrupted. "You see this badge" he almost shouts. "It says I can go anywhere and look at anything I want to, understand? "Now get out of my way". The farmer watches as the government man inspects the barn, the tractor, the farm machinery, etc.
Then he wants to look in his car. "What's my car have to do with anything"? "You see this badge" I can go anywhere and look at anything". The farmer watches as he inspect the car. Then he wants to go in the farmers house. "Now that's a little..." says the farmer. "you see this badge"? screams the government man. "Yeah yeah go ahead". So the government man inspects the farmers house.
When he comes out, he asks the farmer what's behind the barn. "You do not want to go back there" says the farmer emphatically. "you see this badge"? screams the inspector. "Fine" says the farmer. A few minutes later, the farmer hears screams from behind the barn and then the government man comes running around the corner being chased by a big angry bull. "Help me" screams the inspector. "Show him your badge" yells the farmer.
Then he wants to look in his car. "What's my car have to do with anything"? "You see this badge" I can go anywhere and look at anything". The farmer watches as he inspect the car. Then he wants to go in the farmers house. "Now that's a little..." says the farmer. "you see this badge"? screams the government man. "Yeah yeah go ahead". So the government man inspects the farmers house.
When he comes out, he asks the farmer what's behind the barn. "You do not want to go back there" says the farmer emphatically. "you see this badge"? screams the inspector. "Fine" says the farmer. A few minutes later, the farmer hears screams from behind the barn and then the government man comes running around the corner being chased by a big angry bull. "Help me" screams the inspector. "Show him your badge" yells the farmer.
One day I went to visit my friend Fred, a local farmer. When I arrived at his barn, I saw him giving a lapdance to his Massey-Ferguson. I was startled but managed to ask him what he was doing. He told me he and his wife were having marital problems. "She barely looks at me anymore. We went to marriage counseling and the counselor told me to do something sexy to a tractor."
Waterwulf
Contributor
This old rancher needed a new Bull so he went to a Broker and bought one, a great big studly looking thing. When he got it home, he turned it loose with the cows and told him to go to work. Except he didn't do what he was supposed to do. In fact. he ignored all of the cows. All he wanted to do was lay around and eat. The old rancher was PO'd so he called the Broker and complained.
"Hey, this here Bull is worthless! He don't wanna service my cows at all and just walks around em' so he can eat and sleep all day".
The Broker told him to call his personal Veterinarian and send the bill to him. Time went by and he didn't hear anything from the old rancher so finally, he called him to ask him how the Bull is working out.
"Hey, that there Bull got plumb crazy after the Veterinarian gave him some kind of medicine. He done serviced all my cows, climbed the fence and serviced all of my neighbors cows and is right this very minute tearing the fence down on the other side so he can to that neighbors cows".
"Good grief" said the broker. "What was that stuff the Veterinarian gave him"? "I ain't got no idea" said the old rancher. "But it tastes like Licorice".
"Hey, this here Bull is worthless! He don't wanna service my cows at all and just walks around em' so he can eat and sleep all day".
The Broker told him to call his personal Veterinarian and send the bill to him. Time went by and he didn't hear anything from the old rancher so finally, he called him to ask him how the Bull is working out.
"Hey, that there Bull got plumb crazy after the Veterinarian gave him some kind of medicine. He done serviced all my cows, climbed the fence and serviced all of my neighbors cows and is right this very minute tearing the fence down on the other side so he can to that neighbors cows".
"Good grief" said the broker. "What was that stuff the Veterinarian gave him"? "I ain't got no idea" said the old rancher. "But it tastes like Licorice".
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