Rescue vs Self-Reliant

[imjustdave]

Ways to curb bad hubby...

Go on a night dive but you are the only one with a light...
give him a tank with no SPG that he can see.
Give him a 40CF tank to dive with.
Make him dive with no fins.
AKA something that he takes for grated but wont kill him that you have.

When he realizes that he needs you ... he might get the idea that a team is better then solo when something really hits the fan.

I can't say every dive is perfect with buddies hand in hand but a good partner is one that goes Hey I lost my buddy I need to find him or her. Not go oh well not my issues, especially a wife and husband team.

Education wise more is always better in my book.
Good luck with your Solo class.

 

[olphart]

My dive buddies like me. They never have to keep up. I'm known as one of the slowest people underwater that many have ever dived with.

It's plain that you've never been diving with me!.....yet....

 

[Frosty]

Um--just a point here. maybe from Hubbies POV he IS being a good buddy. yes the OP doesn't think so but hubby might actually always have OP in his sight and be comfortable he can help her if needed.
Not saying the OP isn't right --but maybe that's the issue--perception

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Doesn't matter what he thinks. She is not ok with his positioning. His disregard for that makes him a bad buddy. And a potential liability.

 

[DaleC]

I think most of us agree that, if one is going to buddy dive one should do so correctly.. and that if one is going to solo dive one should do that correctly too. The problem I see is that the OP is seeking to learn solo skills as a way to compensate for the poor buddy skills of her partner. Something I completely understand as I have done the exact same thing myself. I adopted a self sufficient attitude personally to safeguard against the unknown quality of many of my dive buddies.

The problem I have come to consider is that one is still buddy diving with someone, and while I may be safer the team is still flawed and I bear some responsibility for that by participating regardless. As a result I have become more discriminating in the buddies I dive with (I have that choice as a locally based diver) and prefer not to enter the water with someone who does not want to buddy properly, as a buddy.

I will buddy dive with someone who wants to buddy dive. I will buddy as a mentor with someone who is unskilled but willing to follow direction and I will do same ocean dives with someone who previously agrees that we are not acting as a buddy team, but I don't want the underlying responsibility that comes with agreeing to buddy dive with someone if that person will not behave in a way that allows me to carry out that obligation. I'd rather solo dive and enjoy their friendship during the SI.


Besides the frustration of diving with a crappy partner, if an accident were to occur I do not want to have to defend myself against accusations I did not do my duty, even if the other person was the one who behaved poorly. It would put me in the awkward position of having to speak ill of the dead. Last years incident with Querro comes to mind as an example.

I would pursue self reliant skills for their own sake, as I believe every diver should have them, but I would not let that replace a continued desire to become a strong buddy.

Fortunately, in this regard, I do not dive with a spouse. If I did I think I would need to have a sit down talk and lay the cards on the table. It may be that a compromise of sorts needs to be made. I know couples where one diver is far more invested than the other and, while they do some dives together, they do others apart so that neither feels constrained by the other. A more active outlet may give the hubby the workout he desires and other partners may influence him more than a spouse could.

 

[charlier]

SMAE, can you get your husband to take Rescue with you? If so, I'd do that first, because the focus on preventing an accident might make him think a little harder about what he is doing...

I had the same problem you have, and I just didn't dive with my husband for about six months. After the GUE and other technical training we've had, he has gotten much better. He will never dive like some of my GUE buddies do, but he dives with enough awareness and proximity to keep me from pulling my hair out, at least most of the time

your husband sounds like my perfect dive buddy ;~)
my wife would agree with you 100%. I am exaggerating a bit for clarity.

 

[GrandpaScuba]

Find a dive club. It is bound to have a number of women divers. Make some friends and go diving with the girls. You will have a lot more fun. Or find another married couple divers and you dive with the wife and let the boys dive together.

Otherwise, the question should not be "What class do I take so I can survive being abandoned by my buddy?" The question should be, "What class does my buddy need to take to learn how to be a buddy?" To that end, I suggest that you both take a Rescue Diver class.