Good points, DM!
The word is certainly loaded, unfortunately. I remember many years ago my mother shying away from the word 'feminist', which surprised me. She believed in equal pay for equal work, equal opportunities for women, and the concept that people should not be straightjacketed into gender preconceptions. She was one of the strongest, most independant women I knew, but she was afraid of the term - it had become too loaded. I'm pleased to say that in more recent years she has embraced it.
The problem is that the term 'feminist' has become associated in many people's minds with Radical or Seperatist Feminism. This POV holds that all women are suppressed by all men. It tends to give rise to such silliness as 'a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle' and rants about not shaving one's legs and not wearing makeup, because these are the tools of the oppresive male patriarchy etc etc.
But this is only one concept of feminism, which is a very diverse philosphical approach. 'Cultural Feminism' holds that women have much to give through their own unique roles as women, 'Socialist Feminists' holds some Marxist tenants, but views gender as having a role in oppression as well as economic factors, 'Liberal Feminists' view every person as equal and inequity as a result of socialisation, etc etc. There are eco-feminists, spiritual-feminists, seperatist feminists, etc etc. There are so many shadings of belief within the feminist movement that it's impossible to make sweeping generalisations, and yet people attempt to do so.
'You can't be a feminist' I've been told. 'You wear makeup, shave your legs, and wear heels.' No point in trying to explain to that person that feminism, as I view it, is about
choice. I should feel perfectly free to dress as I choose - and that includes wearing or not wearing make-up. Worse still is the 'do you hate men?' angle. Nope - I love 'em. Well, a lot of them. I enjoy being with men, I have fun with them, and I've had great relationships with all sorts of males as family, friends and partners.
I believe in a feminist approach that is liberating for men as well. I think men should be freed from expectations as a result of traditional gender roles - if a man wants to stay home and look after the kids in a marriage, more power to him! I want true equality - not the supression of men. Equating feminism with strident man-hating is not representative of the grassroots feminism I know and support. It's sad that so many young women who are now enjoying the equalities that women of previous generations fought so hard for now associate it with the caricatures that are perpetuated as representatives of movement, but which are in fact extremists that are unrepresentative of folks like me.
As Rebecca West said in 1913,
"I have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."