Sometimes I wake up grumpy,
and sometimes I let her sleep.
and sometimes I let her sleep.
Top dozen Bumber Snickers...
- Thread starter The Chairman
- Start date
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MSilvia
Contributor
I (spade) my cat
I (club) seals
I snatch kisses, and vice versa
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
I flick boogers at tailgaters
Guns don't kill people... they just make it easier.
I drive like this to piss you off.
I Cayman went.
The gene pool needs chlorine.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
My other wife is beautiful.
Dyslexics Untie!
My kid was inmate of the month.
Honk if you've been groped by Clinton.
Eschew obfuscation.
The weather's here. Wish you were beautiful.
Why do they call it tourist season if we aren't allowed to shoot them?
We have enough youth... how about a fountain of common sense?
I said no to drugs, but they wouldn't listen.
I got some dive gear for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
I (club) seals
I snatch kisses, and vice versa
This is not an abandoned vehicle.
I flick boogers at tailgaters
Guns don't kill people... they just make it easier.
I drive like this to piss you off.
I Cayman went.
The gene pool needs chlorine.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
My other wife is beautiful.
Dyslexics Untie!
My kid was inmate of the month.
Honk if you've been groped by Clinton.
Eschew obfuscation.
The weather's here. Wish you were beautiful.
Why do they call it tourist season if we aren't allowed to shoot them?
We have enough youth... how about a fountain of common sense?
I said no to drugs, but they wouldn't listen.
I got some dive gear for my wife. Best trade I ever made.
OP
The Chairman
Chairman of the Board
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
All generalizations are false.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. --Dorothy.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Born free...Taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No radio - Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique: just like everyone else.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
All generalizations are false.
Cover me. I'm changing lanes.
I brake for no apparent reason.
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.
Forget about World Peace...Visualize using your turn signal.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Horn broken. Watch for finger.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em: Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. --Dorothy.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Born free...Taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
Rehab is for quitters.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
If you don't like the news, go out and make some.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt--in case heaven is like the IRS.
Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
No radio - Already stolen.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Tell me to 'stuff it' - I'm a taxidermist.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all its students.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Reality? Is that where the pizza delivery guy comes from?
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Always remember you're unique: just like everyone else.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may happy.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
i souport publik edekashun.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Spectre
Contributor
I've always loved that one.
Others that I enjoy:
The darwin fish.
"Visualize Whirled Peas"
"I eat vegetarians"
"vegetables is what food eats"
Ones that I have at work:
"We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm god"
"What, did the f**k up fairy visit us again?"
Ones given to me at work:
"I run with scissors"
"I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter"
scuba-sass
Wreckmaniac Extrordinaire
I may be fat, but you're ugly and I can diet.
My own personal sticker;
"Commercial Diver, a Bad day of diving IS a good day of work!"
"Commercial Diver, a Bad day of diving IS a good day of work!"
Good ones :lol:
Still my favorite is (In that peculiar lifeguard tone of voice)
Hey! You! Out of the Gene Pool!
Still my favorite is (In that peculiar lifeguard tone of voice)
Hey! You! Out of the Gene Pool!
Beer - helping white guys dance since 1842
livestodive
Contributor
I usually use this on my boss when he looks like he is head hunting "I tried to think and nothing happened". He has yet to have an answer for this one 
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