... walks into a pub... jokes

[o2scuba]

An Irishman walks into a pub. He is new to the town and does not know anyone yet. He sits at a quiet end of the bar and orders 3 beers all at once. The bartender,serves him 3beers. The man sits quietly enjoys his pints, then orders 3 more..

Each evenening he comes in and always orders 3 beers. Pretty soon the locals are talking among themselves, discussing why he always orders three beers. A few locals convince the bartender to ask the Irishman why.

SO the next time the bartender serves him he asks, "pardon my cucuriosity, but why do you always order beer in lots of 3"?

The irishman relies "well' i've just moved here to accept a new job. I used to work with my two brothers, but we have all had to go separate ways for work. Before separating we all agreed that whenever we raised our glasses, we would drink a beer for each of our brothers as well."

Everyone respected this and he soon became part of the nightly pub scene.

Then, one evening, he enters the pub and orders just 2 beers.

The locals are surprised. They ask the bartender to inquire. The bartender is reluctant, stating "maybe we should just leave him alone, looks like perhaps one of his brothers has passed away".

The scene is repeated 3 nights in a row.

Peer pressure prevails and the bartender finally goes to inquire.
" We all noticed you are only ordering 2 beers now. We assume that you have lost one of your brothers. We all want to express our condolences and let you know that if you need anything, we are here for you."

The irishman chuckles and says "not at all, my brothers are fine.

I've just decided to quit drinking for Lent"

 

[scubaleg]

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?"

And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."

 

[MikeS]

A disheveled guy with a wild look in his eyes runs into the bar and says to the bartender, “quick, give me a shot of Jack Daniels before the trouble starts.” The bar tender gives him a shot, which he immediately drinks and tells the bartender, “quick, give me another shot before the trouble starts.” The bartender gives him a second shot, which he immediately drinks and tells the bartender “quick, give me another shot before the trouble starts.” The bartender pours him a third shot and sets it on the bar and says that we be $12 for the three shots and what’s this trouble your talking about. The guy grabs the shot drinks it down and says “looks like the troubles started.”

 

[ONESPEED]