How do you manage your non-diving spouse / significant other?

[SeaHound]

Hello -

I have been married for over a year now and the first thing I did was to try to get my wife into diving. I thought if she enjoys it then we will be able to plan dive trips / vacations together and go places together etc. She is a very outdoorsy person but unfortunately, can not dive because of an ear problem. She cant equalize!

I wanted to ask those who have a non-diving significant other, how do you handle diving and your relationship? Do you find that your dive travel is restricted to dive destinations that have very good topside attractions? Or do you end up dragging your non-diving significant other to places like Bonaire where there is not much other than diving and they are still cool with it? Or once in a while you consider it ok to leave your spouse behind and they are still understanding of your passion?

Would love to hear what everyone thinks ...

Thanks

 

[jpbutler]

I pretty much divorced her and married a woman who likes to dive.
There were other mitigating issues, but the diving was the last straw.

 

[BDSC]

When my wife and I got married a little over 3 years ago (2nd for both) I told her right up front that I loved to dive before I met her and that wasn't going to change. I was taking about three dive trips a year and told her if she wanted to come along that would be great. If she didn't, that would be great. Just don't expect me to change how I approach diving and how often I travel for it.

As it turned out, she wanted to try diving (no pressure from me at all) after a couple of trips on the sidelines and took right to it. So now she will go with me on a couple of my trips and I usually take one trip with the guys. She's good with it and I'm good with it so all is well.

Of course your situation is different because she tried and can't dive and that really is too bad. But at a lot of places, I've seen non diving spouses go along and maybe snorkel around the boat while the other is diving. Some places work well for that and some don't.

I have no doubt you'll work it out but just don't give up diving if you really love it. Just take her along and after the morning dives go out and spend a lot of money on her shopping or something!

 

[dmoore19]

My wife is a nondiver. While I haven't been on many trips yet, she comes along with me. For her it works as she likes to lay around in the hammock, read, relax and just enjoy being in a tropical location. She can usually find enough to keep her occupied and happy. For her, being on island time is enough. Our jobs are stressful and she truly appreciates the downtime. When on a diving vacation, I am up early and gone diving, she likes to sleep in. I am back for lunch and dinner with her and we usually can find something to do in the evenings, neither of us are night owls so the party hardy theme is not in the plans. It works for us, might not be right for everybody though.

 

[Ontwreckdiver]

My wife is a nondiver, but loves the water and snorkelling. When we go south she will sit on the beach and read a book, or go for walks and if there's room on the boat she will go along. There's usually a compromise when we decide where to go on vacation. She usually comes along when I go away on dive weekends and will run the clipboard for OW check outs, or finds a tour to go on.

 

[fisheater]

First rule: NEVER claim to "manage" her. She hears that once, and it's all over for you.

 

[krawlings]

My wife is a non diver She gives me the green light to go diving as often as I like. Usually it is on a weekend once a month. But she was veary supportive whenI went to the Keys last month. I allways give here the option to go . She knows how I love diving She said that it gave her some time to do thing that she wanted to do . Like paint the inside of the house knowing that I couldn't object with the colors she picked I was not there . BUT ALL WORKED OUT .It is great to have a undrestanding wife / parttner how will give you that freedom GOOD LUCK WITH YOURS

DIVE SAFE KEN

 

[vladimir]

I pretty much divorced her and married a woman who likes to dive.

I pretty much did the opposite...okay, she divorced me, but I have swapped a diver for a non-diver.

My fiancee has been a great sport though. She went through a certification course, had a bad experience on her first check-out dive, and has pretty much ruled out scuba for this lifetime. She does enjoy snorkeling though, so we have gone to Bonaire together a few times, Little Cayman Beach Resort, and Turneffe Island in the Caribbean. I made the mistake of dragging her along on a Komodo liveaboard (Kararu Explorer)--she was bored and sea-sick for ten days and complained that the room was moldy (it was, but I wasn't in it much), but she did enjoy what I consider to be the best snorkeling in the world. She let me drag her to Lembeh, too.

It's not as one-sided as it sounds though. We do non-diving trips that I wouldn't consider on my own: weekends in Bangkok or Singapore to shop, eat overpriced food, and see friends. Just a week ago I returned from Bali for the second time in a month. The first trip was a long weekend at Tulamben on my own--I did 9 dives in three days. The second trip cost three times as much; I did 2 dives off Nusa Penida in 4 days and laid around the villa's pool between meals while she got spa treatments of dubious worth and considerable expense.

 

[BHB ScubaTroll]

I'm with jpbutler. There were other mitigating circumstances. But, one of the first things I did after the divorce was go diving. I was lucky toward the end. I introduced my son to diving in Cozumel when he was 12. He was hooked from then on. He got junior cert at 15, ow cert and nitrox at 16. I was able to dive a couple times a year with him up until the divorce...

After that I dove with him 25 times the next few months

 

[GrumpyOldGuy]

My wife cannot dive, she is disabled, been married 30+ years so the big D is not going to happen (although Diving and Divorce are next to each other in the phone book).
1) I have worked with both my sons as dive buddies since they were 15 and they continue to be my partners, so it is a family thing.
2) I work diving into work trips whenever possible by tagging on weekends - this adds a lot of dives per year for someone stranded in west Texas.
3) On vacations, diving is part of the plan but not the only thing so this dictates 2nd tier diving like Maui rather than dive only destinations or live-aboard boats
4) She invites me along on her work trips anytime it is near the water. This weeks trip to LA I will tag along and hit Catalina while she spends the day at a conference and may sneak in a few shore dives around if I can.
5) I became a solo diver when needed. I have been diving since '78 so it was not no much a skill question but a mentality I had to develop. It the right conditions it works for me.