How to piss off a Divemaster?

[Eric Sedletzky]

I always read on SB about some DM that did this or did that to somebody. We always hear the recreational divers version as the poor victim of some A hole divemaster.
Well, I'd like to change things around for once. I'd like to know what recreational divers and people do that can really piss off a divemaster?
Divemasters work their butts off for very little pay and sometimes not even for that. They have to put up with a lot of crap and still hold a smile. It can be a real thankless job.

I'd like to know from our fleet of DM's on this board what are some of the things that gall you the most that people do, things that really get under your skin, whether it's on a charter boat, in a class, on a guided tour, maybe an instructor your working for or interning with, a shop you're connected with, anything.

People, pay attention. This is their time to vent about YOU for once.
We can all learn from this and become better customers and better divers.

 

[Doc]

When a guest is pointedly asked, "Anyone going past 100 feet on this dive?"

...and no one says anything. Then, on the dive, well, you know what happens.

I call them "sand checkers". This is why I have to skip nitrox, I've had to go trawling at 165'.

Do whatever the hell you want, just tell me in advance so that I will understand that's your plan, not just some unintended stupidity.

If their widow is really cute, I might get engrossed in a Sea Horse next time it happens.

 

[tomfcrist]

It always irked me when someone would decide to flush the head when I was doing deco.... Bastards.

 

[Dr. Lecter]

People, pay attention. This is their time to vent about YOU for once.
We can all learn from this and become better customers and better divers.

You must be joking -- I'm watching this thread for new tricks to pull on these cat-herders

 

[MaxBottomtime]

Not listening to the dive briefing! It's so much fun to jump in the water and swim like mad to tow divers back to the boat who ended up down current, despite me telling them before the dive which way the current was running and where they should head underwater.
I also found it difficult to keep a smile on my face on days when it was hot topside. I got to stand at the stern of the boat all day with my wetsuit halfway up while the divers climb back aboard telling me how wonderful the dive was. While they enjoyed diving at three or four sites, I was burning on deck for seven hours. Since I was working as a DM for our shop and not part of the boat crew I received no part of the tips and my "pay" from the shop was a free boat ride. Still, I smiled and was pleasant to everyone.

 

[TSandM]

Thank you, Eric, for starting this thread, and I hope a lot of DMs chime in. I would really love to know what I might unknowingly be doing to annoy the people who work so hard to make sure I have a good time.

 

[JahJahwarrior]

I've always disliked people who were too macho to take any seasickness meds, instead claiming to be expert sea people, who then spend the entire day feeding fishes. It's not fun for you, or the rest of the people on the boat, so when someone is walking around offering up seasickness meds at the dock, take them up on it if you are prone to seasickness. And no, no one is buying your excuses about the terrible seas (that are actually 2' or less) or how this never happens to you. We don't care, we just want you to have good dives, that's why we are walking around with bonine or dramamine before the dive.

 

[Eric Sedletzky]

I'm not a working DM, but I thought I'd at least relay one experience I had on a boat that I truelly felt sorry for the DM's.

I was on a day boat out of Port Douglas in Queensland, AUS.
We were going out to do a part of the GBR.
Anyway, most of the boat was booked by a group of Japanese tourists, probably 20 of them.
The boat had 30 or so people on it minus capt. and crew. It was probably in the 40 to 50 foot range I'm guessing, a pretty fast boat.
The Japanese took over the entire back deck and wouldn't let anybody else have room to do anything. The rest of us had to find some nook or cranny to try and get our gear on. No matter how hard the DM's tried they couldn't relay the message that other people needed space too. As the dives went on the deck got messier and messier.
After the third dive there was so much gear and crap strewn accross the back deck (knee high) that I just started walking right on it, screw it!
Underwater they looked like a big dust ball with an occasional arm or fin sticking out of this tornado of Japanese roto-tillers, with one DM in front and one behind kind of guiding this ball of dust, fins, tanks, divers and whatever else made up this storm.
They were all done with their dive in about 15 minutes (first guy out of air), one of them pointing to his regulator that it stopped working! OOA? gee U think?
That screwed the rest of us out of a bunch of bottom time since the rules were to come up with the group. Me and another guy from the states and a few divers from UK were kind of doing our own thing close by and were looking at each other in amazement as all this was going on.
We got very little service actually, the food had been mobbed by them. The boat was essentially taken over and destroyed by them.
On the way back there was a whale that came very close to the boat. The captain stopped the boat so people could get a look. All the Japanese tourists were up on the flybridge where they weren't suppose to be in large numbers. As the whale went from one side of the boat to the other they would all run accross the side with the whale and I saw the DM trying to physically get some people back to balance the boat out because he was concerned about a roll over.
Finally after it was all over and we were back at port, NOT ONE OF THEM put a single dollar or a dime into the tip jar!!! Not one.
Can you imagine!

I asked the poor DM if this usually happens and his reply was "Dude, you have no idea!"

 

[boulderjohn]

I was not the DM for this dive, so I an only imagine.

It was in Cozumel, where all the dives are drift dives, and the current can be quite strong. We had completed our first dive, and the DM asked what we wanted to do on the second. We eventually decided on a dive well known for strong currents, but with a very long and complicated swim though. We wanted to do that swim through, so that was the plan.

On the first dive, my insta-buddy, an experienced diver, had been quite independent, straining my skills on staying with him. He clearly had no thoughts of staying with me. I didn't think it was that big of a deal--I can fend for myself, but I still felt an obligation. On this dive it was more of the same. He kept darting away, and I kept chasing after him. I knew the site pretty well, and when the DM started to take the group in a certain direction, I knew that he was heading for the swim through, the target destination for the dive. But my buddy was heading off to explore something else. I hung out half way between him and the rest of the group with the DM as they paused near the beginning of the swim through.

The DM was looking back at me, and I pointed to where my buddy was headed. Even at that distance, I could sense the despair on the part of the DM. My buddy had gone too far with the current to get back with the group, so he took the group to get to my buddy.

Back on the boat, my buddy asked what happened to that great swim through we sere supposed to see. After some prolonged glares from everyone, we told him that we had missed it because we had to chase him down. He thought that was funny.

So, if I were a DM, I would think a pet peeve are the divers who think they are so wonderful that they don't have to follow the plan, and they don't care how many people's dives they screw over.

 

[Centrals]

It always irked me when someone would decide to flush the head when I was doing deco.... Bastards.

Unless it was done deliberately!
Perhaps the boat captain should had put up a notice warning about the consequences.
Happened to me once and we just laughed it off afterwards.