Men strike back! ! ! ! ! !
- Thread starter ShakaZulu
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
SueMermaid
Guest
If they were that hostile, I would find them offensive as well.evad:
Oh, what am I doing in this thread, anyway? Forget it, nevermind.
I must admit, with as many jokes we have posted about you guys, those were pretty funny and we should all be able to laugh at funny stuff 
pennypue
Contributor
I've not only seen those before, but I quote them frequently.
I'll have to see if I can find some other good ones.........
See my sig line.
I'll have to see if I can find some other good ones.........
See my sig line.
Ah.......the never ending battle of the sexes. Well, at least we have come a long way since the Scold's Bridle.......now if people would stop moving the goalposts! Of course the jokes are funny....to everyone who doesn't take it too seriously.........and I mean all the jokes, including Penny's signature and TekDiveGirls' thread. I already know how dumb most women think I am, at least telling me in an amusing way allows me to get a laugh out of it as well! What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
H2Andy
Contributor
ok, in the interest of equal time
(i AM a traitor to my sex, but hey.... figure it out yourself!)
# A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
# How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
# What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin
# Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
# Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
# How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
# How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
# How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
# Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
# Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
# What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train
# Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
# Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
# What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
# What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
# What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
# Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
# Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
# What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
# Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
# Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.
# How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
# What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
# Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
# What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
# How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
# How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
# Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
# Why did God create man?
Because a dog can't mow the lawn.
# Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
# What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
# How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
# What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
# How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
# What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
# How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
# What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
# How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
# How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - did it ever happen??
# How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
# What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
# What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
# What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
# Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the crap out of you.
# How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes
# Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions
# How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
# Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
# What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
# Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once
# What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
# Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.
# What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
# Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
# What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
# What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
# Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
# Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
# Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
(i AM a traitor to my sex, but hey.... figure it out yourself!)
# A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
# How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
# What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin
# Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
# Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
# How does a man show he's planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
# How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
# How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
# Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
# Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
# What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. A dog is always happy to see you
B. A dog only takes a couple of months to train
# Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
# Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
# What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.
# What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
# What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.
# Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
# Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
# What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.
# Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.
# Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.
# How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
# What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
# Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?
# What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
# How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove.
# How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
# Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
# Why did God create man?
Because a dog can't mow the lawn.
# Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A.So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
B.So they wouldn't stop to play with every other man they see when you take them around the block.
# What is the thinnest book in the world?
"What men know about women."
# How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
# What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
# How can you tell if a man is aroused?
He's breathing.
# What's the difference between men and government bonds?
Bonds mature.
# How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
# What do men and beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
# How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?
# How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
Who knows? - did it ever happen??
# How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.
# What is a man's idea of doing housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
# What is the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.
# What does a man consider a seven course meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.
# Why are men like laxatives?
They can irritate the crap out of you.
# How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes
# Why is it good that there are women astronauts?
So that when the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions
# How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini
# Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
# What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.
# Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once
# What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift?
Exchange him.
# Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites Attract.
# What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
# Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
# What do you call a handcuffed man?
Trustworthy.
# What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
# Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.
# Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
# Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Oh I get it Andy. Your wife caught you laughing at the original jokes so now you had to post this so she'll let you back in the house?
H2Andy
Contributor
ah... no comment....
Similar threads
