Actual Phone Answering Machine Messages

[CathyI8205]

* My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave
your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're
finished.

* Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing
it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slowly. So
leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get
back to you.

* A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're
not here. So leave a message.

* Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the
money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my
financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are
my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have
plenty of money.

* (Narrator's voice There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the
telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of
toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at
incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant
effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

* Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

 

[simbrooks]

I phoned a guy the other day who had a message that went kind of like this:
"Hi this is Brian, i cant come to the phone right now, please leave me a message, unless of course you are trying to sell me something, in which case, please hang up now" I thought it was quite funny!

In college, we used to put on a song and all my roommates and i would sing at the top of our voices, sometimes it was seasonal, sometimes it was a top 40 song

 

[baltimoron]

ahh, mine is:

"I'm too sexy for the phone, too sexy to be home, so leave one at the tone."

 

[drbill]

When I first got an answering machine many moons ago, I used to change my message daily. It was always something with a good sense of humor. After a few months I stopped doing that- people kept calling me every day to hear the latest message and then either hung up or laughed into the machine. At first I thought I was becoming very popular since I'd return and there would be a dozen messages. However, none of them were my dream dive buddy.

Today the message is a simple business one: "Hello, you've reached Dr. Bill... or more accurately, his answering machine. Doc is probably 60 feet under at the moment so leave a message at the beep. Blub, blub, blub."

The good doctor

 

[Rick Murchison]

A good friend of mine had this message:
"Hi, you've reached Bruce & Ellen. We're not answering the phone right now. If you are a good friend, owe us money of have some fresh fish for sale, speak up and if we're here we'll probably answer, or we'll call you back when we get home."
Rick

 

[mike_s]

When we were in college and at someones apartment or house that was having a huge party, we used to change the message on their answering machine sometimes.
Imagine this one, with huge party noise in the background:

"Hi, we're to drunk to answer the phone right now! But if you'll
leave a message, we'll call you back when we're sober!!!"


Of course you gotta realize that most people never check their
outgoig message and didn't know this was on there. I imagine
there was some explaining to do when their parents called.

heh.

 

[O2BBubbleFree]

"Hello, this is the refrigerator speaking. The answering machine is out right now, but if you'll speak slowly and distinctly, I'll write a note and stick it on my door."

"Hello, you've reached the Psychiatric Hotline. If you have multiple personality disorder, press 1, 2, and 3. If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 4 repeatedly. If you are paranoid schizophrenic, we already know who you are and what you want, just stay on the line while we trace the call.”

 

[ling]

One which i've been using for a while is "If you're not looking for me then you've probably gotten the wrong person if you are looking for please please leave yr name and contact number as i don't think i know how to call back to (hi it's me call me back oki).....

 

[radinator]

Mine was always short, "Leave a message." spoken rather fast. I would try to have the tone start right after the last word, giving people no time at all to think of what to say.

It's funny listening to people's reactions if they didn't expect it. It usually catches them off guard. (I would also set it to answer after two rings).

 

[baltimoron]

^ :lol2: