Am I being stupid?

[BIGSAGE136]

Whatever happens YOU are in a situation that is only going to improve through YOUR actions.

Blame is the most useless word in any language. It doesnt matter.

Life is nothing more than a series of moments.

Do you know what a moment is?

One just passed by you as you read the last line.

You will never get yesterday back.

Tomorrow aint yours to have right now.

Have good day today.

Enjoy EVERY MOMENT.

After all....

All YOU have to do is decide that YOU really want to.

 

[JeffG]

I was in a similar position. With the same women for 10 yrs, but near the end we didn't share anything any more.

One day we looked at each other and said "Why are we doing this to each other".

She is now heads over heels in love and getting married....I bought a Scooter

(I think I got the better of the deal)

 

[Rick Inman]

has his own bank account...
2) Prenupitual agreement. Hate that we share nothing - even in death - what's mine is mine, what's his is his and never the two shall meet. Expenses are 50/50 to the ninth degree -...
3) Separate families - my families challenges are entirely mine, his are entirely his - good and bad.
Am I being stupid to want and expect more out of life and my husband?

I'm old fashioned. Separate bank accounts, separate money, separate expenses, separate families, and signed finical contracts... This is not a marriage, it's some kind of sharing-the-house agreement.
IMO, you both need help changing the big picture and making a real marriage out of your ... arrangement.
Also, I wouldn't go to a scuba diving forum for marital advise, so don't listen to us.

 

[smiling]

Thanks for all the encouragement I'm 95% there.....just hate to say goodbye to something that went so long.

Andy - I'm actually in the mental health field, so know rationally what I'm feeling and know what counseling would and wouldn't do..I REALLY DON"T think he'd change on the main issues........They're always been non-negotiable and I'm irrational if I wanna change them -

Rick - you guys are people I trust to give me both sides - unlike some other marital sites..........don't need that now - just other divers and their thoughts!

 

[ParamedicDiver1]

I have to agree with a previous post, it sounds like more of a limited partnership than a marriage, and it started when he refused to allow you to share in his life. Marriage is supposed to be the end of two people and the beginning of growing together as one. I think he has forced your hand in this. Maybe your love of Diving has to do with having a dive buddy? Some to truly share experiences with...too bad your husband does not want to share his.

 

[smiling]

Just wanna to make sure I'm not just being childish. At 35, is it stupid to wanna be independent and on my own? I can make new friends easily. I'll certainly miss his company at times, but isn't that what happens when you've been with someone that long (15 years)? He seems more like family or something else - not a marital relationship that forsakes all others -

 

[ParamedicDiver1]

I don't think it is childish. Marriage is not easy, I have been married for 10 years, and it is a daily work in progress. I think you both should do the counseling thing, I know you are in the business, but it would be good for both of you. But he needs to address your concerns and make some sort of decision, ya know?

 

[baitedstorm]

Just wanna to make sure I'm not just being childish. At 35, is it stupid to wanna be independent and on my own? I can make new friends easily. I'll certainly miss his company at times, but isn't that what happens when you've been with someone that long (15 years)? He seems more like family or something else - not a marital relationship that forsakes all others - his family need for protection of the "trust" seems WAY more important...........

Ahhh, sweetness... I think your caught up in the "It's really comfortable and familiar" mode. I've been there before myself. You associate great pain with leaving him (for whatever reason) and need to find some positives. Make a list of the things you'll be able to do once you free yourself. Write them down, keep them in your purse. Whenever you start feeling sad about things, look at it. Sometimes you have to leave in order for things to change, just ask my husband. I had to wake his silly butt up too. Now I have a wonderful, caring and very attentive man by my side that I love dearly. Good luck to you sweetie. You certainly have a lot of decisions to make.

 

[ScubaTexan]

Whatever you decide to do, best of luck with it. I know it will not be an easy decision to make, but you need to look out for your best interests if no one else will. It's not stupid to want to get away from a miserable situation.

 

[JeffG]

Ahhh, sweetness... I think your caught up in the "It's really comfortable and familiar" mode.

Yep, Its an easy trap to fall into. I know my Ex and I are better off splitting and yet we still remain very good friends.