Cavern/cave diving and family concern

[deepn0va]

At the start of the new year I will be starting my cavern class with Jeff Bauer. Since i decided to do this, the girlfriend has been very worried and concerned since a good friend of her's had her father die in a cave last year (he was an OW instructor with no cave training.) I assume many of you have spouses who do not agree with the activity. How have you minimized the worry and concern for them?

 

[Scubastud16]

My family is not very happy with the overhead diving I do. I simply tell them that I am as safe as possible, and the reason I do the training is so that I know what to do and can handle any type of situation that would come up underwater. I call them before I get in the water, and as soon as I get out. A friend recently told me his method of calming his mother's fears....he printed out all the accident reports, and highlighted the reasons why a safe cave diver would not have died in those situations. Just a thought.

Danny

 

[Caver95]

I would be worried too, with Jeff as your instructor.

 

[caver]

I would be worried too, with Jeff as your instructor.

 

[BabyDuck]

could be worse, nick, could be you...



i thought it would be my very protective mother who freaked about me diving in caves, but surprisingly it's my laid-back daddy who freaked. mama has come pretty unglued once when i didn't call her by the time she thought i should have (she was used to me calling after diving in state parks which close early but i was at ginnie & had gone night diving...), but she's freaked exactly the same way about me not calling other times, so i don't really count that as dive-related.

yeah, i pointed out the difference in educated vs yayhoo cave divers and told them i wasn't an adrenaline junkie but a thoughtful explorer & they bought it. also, set up a time to call (if they require a call) that's a few hours after you expect to be done (like maybe before dinner) and never never miss it.

 

[scubafool]

I have talked about the dangers and the specific training/drills to mitigate those dangers with my wife. This helps her to realize that the cave is not going to mysteriously swallow me, that if I die doing this, it will almost certainly be my fault. She also realizes that I value my life enough, particularily as it relates to her, to not take foolish risks with it.

What I am trying to say, is that MORE information, more openess and honesty, has worked for me.

While we are on the topic, use this as a chance for introspection. Do you, honestly, feel that you can cave dive safely? Can you say "No" to that next turn in the passage, when you are at your limit? Can you say "No" to your buddy when they want to dive past your gas limits, or dive without running a primary, or visual that jump, or dive past your training? Do you know your own weak spots that might get you into trouble? Are you too stubborn to turn a dive that "just isn't right"?

Sorry to sound preachy, but ever since I became interested in cave diving, we have had at least one death every year that was VERY preventable. And in many of those cases, the deceased had enough training to know better. The latest incident has caused me to think about cave diving, and safe attitudes neccesary to partake, rather heavily.

 

[Doc Intrepid]

Use the "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy.

Your significant other doesn't ask where you're diving.

You don't tell where you're diving - until after you're safely back.

Then its safe to discuss.

That, plus living in a healthy state of denial, works for my wife.

It may be worth a shot when all else fails.....

 

[DA Aquamaster]

My solution was to dump her and get involved with a woman who cave dives. She's right there with me if things turn to *****.

 

[Doc Intrepid]

Well, yes, that IS likely a preferable strategy.

But my wife would be most annoyed.....

Considering that she owns handguns, I had likely better take my chances with the cave!

 

[Meng_Tze]

My wife is still nervous/anxious when I go diving. But she also knows that I am not a person to do rash things, 'just do it'. My risks are calculated and planned. At the same time we did discuss what would/needed to happen if one day I do not return. It is a hard discussion to have, but a crucial one. She does know that cave diving is my passion and what I do.