DH, buddy, JEALOUS!!!

[fresh_fish]

My hubby is also by dive buddy. Mostly. I have other friends that I dove with in the past, but now that we are in the same state, he's back to being my buddy. He has not been in the water much in the past 2 years because of a broken leg. The last time we were in the water, he was frustrated at his own lack of skills, being out of practice, and he said he felt I was much more advanced than him. The reality is that I am at peace in the water, and 100% comfortable. It helps with the gear portion of diving because it's one less thing to think about. I want to keep advancing, but he doesn't want to dive. I get the guilt look if I talk about diving without him.

How do I convince him to get in the pool and dive to get back on par with me?

 

[TSandM]

I don't know how you make someone dive who doesn't want to. But there is a bigger issue here, which is that either you are perceiving a guilt trip that isn't there, or your husband is guilt-tripping you about going and doing something you want to do that he doesn't.

It sounds as though you guys might need to sit down over a good meal and a glass of wine and talk honestly about how each of you views diving. If he just isn't motivated enough to get back into it to do the work, that's his right and his choice -- but then he has to agree to give you some space to enjoy an activity that means a lot to you. And then you have to work out what the limits are, and hopefully you can reach some mutually acceptable agreement.

I know of at least one marriage that came apart in part because one spouse wanted to dive more than the other one thought was reasonable.

 

[fresh_fish]

Oh, by all means, he wants to dive, he's just lost his confidence. He's an instructor in real life, so he's used to being the one with the answers, the one that is in charge.

I'm going to try to get one of his friends to help him out. That way, he doesn't have to appear vulnerable in front of me. Before we moved, our buddies were all instructors, so you always had an extra set of eyes making sure you were gearing up correctly.

 

[Hank49]

It's odd that he lost his confidence. At his level he should understand that diving skills are no different than ping pong skills, golf skills, guitar playing skills etc. If you haven't done any of these activities for a while, you're not going to be at the top of your game. But with a little practice it all comes back fast.

 

[Thalassamania]

Take a fundies or essentials class together.

 

[Bubbletrubble]

Forcing people to do something (or even making strong suggestions) is usually not very effective. I think the best you can do here is: (1) make sure that you guys have fun doing something together (not necessarily scuba) and (2) increase the opportunities to dive should your husband want to try it out again. The male ego can be a fragile thing. Hopefully, your husband doesn't let it stand between him and fun sport. I don't know how things play out when the two of you go diving, but it would probably be a good thing for him to set his gear up by himself. There's a routine that every person develops, and this is critical to becoming an independent diver. I've witnessed how some spouses set up scuba gear for each other. That's a big mistake, in my opinion, when the other person is still learning how to do things on his/her own.

I'd recommend that both of you check out a local dive club (or two or three).
Expand your circle of dive buddies and the opportunities for diving will increase.
If your husband wants to dive, he'll certainly have the opportunity to do so. The more he dives, the more comfortable the activity will become. A scuba refresher course might also be a good idea. If that's something he wants to do, he should ask around and find a good instructor.

I like Thalassamania's suggestion to take a Fundies or Essentials GUE class together. It could be a wonderful bonding experience for the two of you, and you'd get to learn a lot of useful diving skills in the process. What's not to like?

Does your husband have any other leisure-time activities that he enjoys doing without you?
If so, I would think he'd understand that's it's OK for you to go diving with others. In fact, I think it's healthy for your development as divers to dive with other people. You'll learn new things that you can then share with each other later on.

Good luck with everything...

 

[fresh_fish]

We are scoping out different shops, and trying to find one that has the atmosphere we are comfortable with. Like you guys said, taking a skills refresher would be a great idea. I think that once we have better access to a pool, he will be able to approach it at his own pace. I know it will take time, and hopefully, your suggestions will be just what he needs to get the warm fuzzy about diving again, or warm fuzzy about letting me go without him. Either way, as long as he is happy, I'll be more happy.