Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[GDI]

"I'd debrief you, but I'm dead."
--Rick Murcar during cave diving training.

Thanks Jeff resurrection is a wonderful thing

 

[Blackwood]

^have heard that two many times and think i've said pretty much the same thing

I answer honestly:

Nope.

 

[shoredivr]

As to quotes, I was making a dive to 40m with a divemaster buddy and was explaining that I'd filled my tank by topping off the previous 32% mix with air and had analysed it at 24%.

"Oh", he said, "so you're diving Slightrox today".

 

[charlesml3]

You don't have zero accumulated nitrogen, but I agree that the design is less than ideal.

Uhhh... OK. Haven't been diving so where did the accumulated Nitrogen come from? Or are you just splitting a hair?

-Charles

 

[talonraid]

Bear with me, I'm a story-teller and this quote needs background.

When diving in Cozumel 2 years ago, there was a guy on board who had done it all and seen it all, and wouldn't shut up about it.

After surfacing 15 minutes before my wife and I on the first dive due to his remaining air, his computer died on the second dive. We could all hear it beeping under water and the display was not readable. He didn't want to ascend, but the Divemaster MADE him surface. He ran out of air on his safety stop and surfaced with an empty tank. My wife and I were down for 10-15 minutes longer and surfaced with well over 700 lbs each.

He had no analog backup for his integrated computer and the computer wouldn't boot up any more. My Spanish is not superb, but through International Attitude Reading courses (PADI specialty I think), it was obvious the boat captain was pissed at him and the Divemaster was none too happy either after having an underwater slate exchange argument with him on the last dive.

As we're gearing up for the third dive, he was ignoring the Divemaster's polite attempts to explain why he couldn't make the next dive. I suggested that he might want to consider not making this last dive since he had no air pressure indicator. He said to me and my wife, "I'll just stick with you two so I'll know when I'm out of air".

I told him, "You'll know long before my wife and I when you're out of air."

 

[Zeeman]

"Shouldn't dive this morning, too much blood in the alcohol system..."
-Diver Unknown.

Z...

 

[Blackwood]

Uhhh... OK. Haven't been diving so where did the accumulated Nitrogen come from? Or are you just splitting a hair?

-Charles

I'm probably splitting a hair, and a small one at that.

Are you breathing 100% oxygen?

If not, your tissues are saturated at 1 atmosphere with nitrogen, helium, and whatever trace gases make up air. If you fly, the ambient pressure will be reduced and you'll offgas until you're saturated at that new pressure, or until you land, whichever comes first.

... International Attitude Reading courses (PADI specialty I think)

I think they also offer Advanced International Attitude Reading. It's basically the same as International Attitude Reading, but you do it while hoola hooping.

 

[Scoobahdood]

"Shouldn't dive this morning, too much blood in the alcohol system..."
-Diver Unknown.

Z...

 

[Jimmer]

My very easy going and sometimes goofy LDS owner helping a woman suit up on our charter boat:

"I apologize in advance if I touch anything I shouldn't. If I hang onto it for more than 5 minutes, you can slap me"

His standard pre-dive briefing

"The wreck is in about 70 feet of water, and the water goes all the way to the bottom"

 

[SteveAD]

I'm probably splitting a hair, and a small one at that.

Are you breathing 100% oxygen?

If not, your tissues are saturated at 1 atmosphere with nitrogen, helium, and whatever trace gases make up air. If you fly, the ambient pressure will be reduced and you'll offgas until you're saturated at that new pressure, or until you land, whichever comes first.

.

To really split hairs; after a flight you can be significantly below saturation at 1 atm (effectively a negative pressure group). Might this indicate the possibility of longer than normal NDLs?