Helping my wife get diving.

[jonahshark]

My wife and I did our confined water training this past weekend. She felt that the instructor was going too fast for her pace and she got overwhelmed, and Murphy's law dictated that she get two funky regulators that didn't want to work right. sigh... needless to say she got way freaked out by the experience.

She really wants to dive, but she's a bit gun shy at this point. She's aced the academics but the practicalities of having her air shut off, recovering her second stage, buddy breathing just freak her right out.

Aside from slowing way down and taking the confined water portion of the class again, what tips do folks have for easing her into diving?

Also if you have any anecdotes that might bolster her confidence, please share.

Thanks,

Jonah

 

[Paco]

My wife quit during the confined water sessions because the mask removal was difficult for her, among other problems. She insisted that diving was not for everyone and she was not one to do so. The advice I had read and heard from knowledgeable people said that I should not ever attempt to talk her into trying again. Well, in her case, it took two years. In that time she watched our daughter and son-in-law get certified and she began to wonder if she should try again. An instructor friend of mine asked her why she never finished and when she explained her problem, the friend suggested that I work with her in the pool some more until she became more comfortable with the equipment and if that happens he would redo the confined water dives and her OW cert. dives. Well, that's what we did. We went to the pool and took a lot of time, just letting her get comfy with the gear and eventually working through the mask skills and some others until she was comfortable. It took some patience, but has been worth the effort. She now has over 100 logged dives and completed AOW and Rescue Diver. We dove together in Aruba and we're 32 days from a Cozumel dive trip.

I believe that patience and a lot of pool time will help your wife as well.
In any case, good luck to you.
Mike

 

[almitywife]

be honest and talk to the dive shop manager, tell them you are not so much complaining about the instructor (if thats the truth that is), just that your wife needs more time in the pool to get comfortable. have some fun in the pool if possible, no skills just diving and moving about.

if she isnt having fun in the pool then she is only going to be more stressed if she feels forced into open water.

good luck

 

[alcina]

Find a new instructor.
- she can erase the other guy and start fresh with no baggage
- you can find someone who can tailor his/her methods to your wife's needs and experiences so far

I admire your wife for standing up and saying "whoa, this is too fast. I'm not comfortable." Shows common sense and a good control of herself - she's likely to be a safe,competent diver who can control her situation!

I say, do a confined water refresher session with another instructor before any open water dives. This will help build trust in the pro teaching the course (even if he/she isn't the pro to teach the open water part, this is still important), will reinstate some trust on the gear issue and make sure that all of the skills are smooth and controlled before hitting the big blue. When you do the ocean dives, she will be far more comfortable and capable of thinking about the now instead of dwelling on her problematic training.

Glad to hear you are both learning to dive. I'm sure that once you get in the ocean both of you will fall in love with this addiction

 

[k8brandt]

Ditto to all of the above. I used to get freaked out if I couldn't touch the bottom. My husband was very patient with me over the course of about 5 years. Getting comfortable snorkeling without a life jacket, then an intro to scube in Maui 3 years ago. Now, try to keep me out of the water. Seeing the kids go through their training and their input will also alleviate some of her fears. Just be patient, she will come around or not. In that case, all of you tried.

 

[alwaingold]

I agree with everything that has already been said. You asked for anecdotes to bolster her confidence, so here goes...

After the confined water portion of my class, I was feeling a little apprehensive about doing the OW dives, because it was just a lot of skills to learn in a short time (I did the version of the class where all of the confined water stuff is in one weekend). I was very nervous the week before my OW dives. Then during the first OW dive, I was totally uncomfortable and aborted the first dive. My fiance (we were taking the class together) was pretty sad, as you can imagine He convinced me to go back to the pool and practice the stuff I had problems with. So I did that and then went back and tried the OW dives a few weeks later. I was terrified to go back into the ocean, but after just the first dive, I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever done! Now I am addicted to diving and my husband and I dive nearly every weekend.

Your wife is a lot better off than I was, because she recognized that she wasn't ready for the OW dives (instead of having a traumatic experience to stew on for several weeks). My one piece of advice is to get her back in the pool ASAP, the longer I had to think about it, the scarier it seemed to try again.

Good luck

 

[matts1w]

Ok- at the risk of ticking off everyone in this thread I am going to throw something out here. Take it or leave it, but consider it...

In my classes I have had SEVERAL wives and girlfriends come to me in tears saying how much they hated diving, were very afraid of making the husband/boyfriend upset, and really did NOT want to dive. They were simply doing the class because they were being pressured as their husband/boyfriend wanted a dive buddy for vacations, lobstering, whatever. They didnt want to let him down because he loved diving, but they HATED it. In some cases I went to the husband/boyfriend to expalin what was up, and the guy proceeded to be very caring and sympathetic (note the sarcasm) by calmly saying, "C'mon Honey. I know you can do it. Yadda, yadda, yadda." Real selfish.

I AM NOT SAYING YOU ARE THAT GUY, just be sure you are not and that her motives for learning to dive are right. I think it is great two posters came back and finsihed years later w/o pressure from their husbands. My girlfiend does not dive. I asked her once if she wanted to learn, and she replied she wasnt really sure. I told if and when she wanted to learn the offer was always there. That was eight months ago and I have not asked her again. When I work in the Keys or dive with friends she comes with and does her own thing at the pool or beach. I figure she will bring it up when she is ready. I would LOVE for her to dive, but I never want to be that guy.

Here are some ideas that may help...

Maybe just let her off the hook for a while? Maybe see if she wants to take the class without you there? I just did two classes where two couples split for confined training. The wives did the three week course and the husbands did the weekends. Both couples did the open water dives this weekend and did not partner with their spouses until the second day. Sometimes a husband does too much and the wife never gets the chance to build confidence on her own. Give her complete control about if and how she dives and maybe she will want to finish the class. Find an option that is longer than the weekend class as this works MUCH better with apprensive students. I dont know where you are in the world you live, but maybe wait until summer and the water is warmer? When some students get really cold after being in the pool all day they begin to check-out mentally and the stress kicks in.

Hope these help.

 

[boulderjohn]

I'm assuming that the first class was a group class. She may do extremely well in a private class, where she is one-on-one with an instructor.

 

[Halthron]

My wife went through some regulator problems on her last OW checkout dive and has been skitzy ever since. Every so often, I'll nudge her but for the most part, I just let her know what types of dives I did and what I saw. I don't want to pressure her into doing something she's not comfortable doing but I will say something like "You mind if I use your reg? I'd like to use it on a side mount."

 

[diverdenise]

I have always said if I would have had a rush instructor when I started diving I would have never made it through. I had a very caring lady that spent extra hours in the pool with me to catch up with the others, including my husband and helped me take it easy. I bolted, I had panic attacks, it was not pretty. Her husband was also at my side during my open water dives, they both prayed I would certify and not bolt during open water. I am now a divemaster with their perseverance and help and my husband is still just open water. I guess I was extremely determined and had the right people to support me. As soon as I made it through certification I bought my own gear cause that was a major safety, comfort issue for me and I still have and love the same gear. For me it was all worth it, I still have anxiety I have learned to work through. Finding a compassionate instructor and having your own gear is my advice, and to keep going, the more classes I took the more confidence I built. And the great thing about scuba diving is you always have the right to say NO. No questions asked.