macho attitude

[chiara]

I am an Italian woman, 36, just about to finish my Dive Master certification.

I find it very hard when I work with my Instructor and male and female students alike, to be taken seriously.

Has any of you had the same kind of experience?

Any hints?

 

[92630Diver]

Hello Chiara,
I wish I could give you some sage advice. I've started writing a reply to your posting four times now, and each time I've stopped and started over. It isn't an issue that has a simple answer.

I've just gone through a work experience in which the eventual result was the termination of my immediate supervisor by upper management. The guy had such an incredible ego and supporting attitude, combined with a general lack of respect, that the powers that be had had enough. His boss is female, and it was quite obvious that he rarely if ever listened to what she asked him to do. Much to his own dismay. He'd generated so much internal strife within our own team that each of his subordinates lost respect for him as well. A guy's ego can be a self destructive entity of its own.

If you are getting attitude from a male student or subordinate I'd suggest merely taking them aside (their ego will be bruised if they are confronted in the presence of others and the result could have the opposite of the intended effect - likely resulting in even more attitude in the long run) and let them know how things are going to be. Do so in a polite and professional manner. And let them know what the consequences are if they don't cooperate. If they don't listen to your instruction then they obviously won't learn the necessary skills to complete the certification.

I would think that in most cases, when spoken to one-on-one in a professional manner, the guy will likely realize that it is to his benefit to drop the macho act and cooperate. One can hope so at least. I don't know if this helps at all. As I said previously it is a complicated issue.

Best of Luck!
Steven

P.S. I wasn't aware until just now (sometime after posting the reply above) that this thread was within the "Women Only" section. I came across it by clicking on the "View New Posts" links.

 

[SubMariner]

Chiara, can you be a little more specific in the type of problems you are having? For example, I'm sure that the issues you may be suffering with fellow dive professionals are different than those you experience with clients.

~SubMariner~

 

[Dee]

Originally posted by chiara
I am an Italian woman, 36, just about to finish my Dive Master certification.

I find it very hard when I work with my Instructor and male and female students alike, to be taken seriously.

Has any of you had the same kind of experience?

Any hints?

You have to be comfortable with the Instructor you are working with. There has to be mutual respect, both personally and professionally. That would be the first thing I'd try to straighten out. Talk to your Instructor, express your concerns and see if they can be resolved.

By acting in a professional manner and treating all students with respect I seldom have any major trouble being taken seriously. A few men, and sometimes women, resist taking instruction of any kind from a woman at first. But your skill and confidence will usually overcome that obstacle. First, I don't put myself out there as a woman DM...I am the class DM, period. I just happen to be a woman at the same time. That attitude has helped more than anything else.

For those few that continue to dismiss me in my role as DM, I will take them aside and have a discussion with him/her to try to find out what the problem is and how it can be corrected. That's usually all it takes. On a few rare occasions the Instructor will speak to them but thats only happened once.

As Submariner said, if you have anything specific to relay to us, we may be more helpful.

 

[Ber Rabbit]

If you're body language doesn't say you are confident in your abilities people will doubt them and possibly not take you seriously. I always try to stand up straight and look people in the eye when I speak to them.
Ber

 

[chiara]

OK, I reckon some extra reflection is necessary.

First of all, let me remind you that I'm still a Dive Master in training, and although my instructor seems to appreciate me, I have no real, official "power" with his students.

I do feel a bit uneasy, because I know I am not perfect, but honestly who is?

The main problem these last few weeks is an OWD student, an ex-colleague of mine, whom I brought to the pool when she showed interest in learning to dive, come on, the instructor is good, why not do him a favour?

Although most of the time she is nice, she is dim-witted as of diving, and doesn't accept constructive criticism easily.

Knowing she's a bit unstable on the financial side, I went as far as giving her my second mask, my second weightbelt with the few extra kilos I could spare as a gift, plus the Open Water book so she could study on it, this happened in mid-October, you go figure.

About ten days ago, on our usual Tuesday night training session, she went nuts before even entering the pool building, she insulted me very heavily for no apparent reason (the more I think about it, the less I understand what set her off) and as a consequence, I asked her to give me mask, belt and weights back, anyway, let her find some better charity organisation if she wants to go on.

My ex-friend called the instructor saying she wants to finish her certification, but she doesn't want to see me again; I'll tell you, I'm not the one quitting the club.

The instructor is pissed off, he's never seen someone as unwilling to learn as her, and of course this difficult situation is reflecting on the other students, two OWD who just need to do their openwater dives and someone who just started his Rescue course.

OK, I'm probably just ranting, but believe me, this is not easy.

 

[sharpenu]

When you are talking to another diver, or diving with them, can you spot the new diver? the one who isn't confident in his/her abilities? We communicate more with our actions than our words. Sometimes, we send the message that we aren't competant by appearing unsure of our abilities. Other times we send the same message by appearing overconfident (egotistical). An old tactic is to videotape yourself and play it back. See how you come across to others by looking at yourself giving say, a pre-dive brief. Yoo may see the problem is obvious that way.

 

[Starfish]

If your ex?-friend laid in to you before class, I am thinking that this had more to do with her insecurities then your own.

I teach at the university level but I am younger then most of my colleagues and look it to make matters worse. Worse? because they see this younger person as a threat and often become defensive when I ask questions of them. In reality I am telling them that I don't have the experience that they have and am asking to learn.

Your friend probably thinks, "well if SHE can do this, it must be easy!" When she found out it wasn't so easy, she started to lash out at you.
She is probably worried about her abilities, doesn't know how to ask for help, and it's easier to pick a fight with you and then work with another Instructor and DM then to loose face with you????

--Starfish

 

[SubMariner]

Chiara,

Your last post seems to indicate more of a personal problem between you and a (potential) o/w student that has nothing to do with your "being taken seriously" by students or Instructors.

If your Instructor is smart he'll drop this "problem child". The best course of action in this instance is to give her money back & say "arrivederci".

Then you all can get back to building a positive learning experience for everyone concerned.

~SubMariner~

 

[chiara]

Starfish and SubMariner,

I had to reread through your messages a couple of times, it's probably because in the end English is not my mother-tongue.

The crazy outburst of rage from the ex-open water student (yes, the instructor dumped her because she has been getting on his nerves as well) happened outside the pool a full two months after she started the classes; she has never completed the book, not to mention the knowledge reviews, she wasted the instructor's time (and mine) for about three afternoons when we tried to watch the videos with her at my flat, and even though she got a considerable reduction in the certification fees she never managed to pay more than half.

I never considered myself to be suffering from age difference delusions, she was born two and a half months before me!

The time it took her to learn (poorly) how to empty a mask, I've been going through most of my Dive Master...

No, definitely, diving is not for everyone, and it's not an easy sport either.

Next week there will be a new girl starting her OW, I'll let you know if things get any better