Married folks - wedding question

[silvernotch]

If you could do the wedding thing all over again, would you opt for a traditional church wedding and fun reception at home or would you opt for an island resort wedding with family and friends? a lot of my friends that are recently married keep telling me if they could do it all over again they wouldn't do a big traditional wedding, but then again I don't want to feel like I missed out on anything.

Also, if you did do a resort wedding I'm open to suggestions

Poll coming...

 

[GrumpyOldGuy]

Since my wedding was in the stone age, my answer is worth 2 cents.

I depends on the ability of your immediate family and very close friends to attend. If they can afford the money to attend, the destination can be a really nice way to celebrate the marriage and get the family together. You end up spending several days together. These are the people you want to spend time with, weddings are big $$$ for everyone so choose wisely.

Traditional weddings attract a lot of distant relatives and friends you think you need to invite and they think they need to attend. It gets out of hand really fast and the day becomes a blur. For us, we were poor (18 YO), our friends and family were strapped and a cheap traditional wedding was the ticket. If we were 30ish, it would have been different.

 

[Hawkwood]

You really have to look at the costs to the guests of the "destination" wedding. It can put a damper on things for friends and relatives. We received a wedding invitation for the daughter of very dear friends of ours - the wedding was in Las Vegas at the Wynn. My wife and debated a very long time about it. First was the cost involved as well as the time I would have to take off from work. Second was that the location was the last place on earth we had an interest in going to. We finally came to the conclusion that we "had" to go. In the end between airfare, hotel accomodation, and meals, etc. we spent well over $3,000 just to attend.

 

[silvernotch]

Traditional weddings attract a lot of distant relatives and friends you think you need to invite and they think they need to attend. It gets out of hand really fast and the day becomes a blur.

this is one thing that I'm worried about. I feel like I have to invite certain people and then if you invite that person then you have to invite so-and-so and it just goes on and on. I was the maid of honor in my best friends wedding a few years ago and she said she didn't even want to invite half the people she did but felt obligated and then because there was so many of them, she hardly got to enjoy the wedding because she was walking around saying hi to everyone the whole time.

 

[silvernotch]

You really have to look at the costs to the guests of the "destination" wedding. It can put a damper on things for friends and relatives. We received a wedding invitation for the daughter of very dear friends of ours - the wedding was in Las Vegas at the Wynn. My wife and debated a very long time about it. First was the cost involved as well as the time I would have to take off from work. Second was that the location was the last place on earth we had an interest in going to. We finally came to the conclusion that we "had" to go. In the end between airfare, hotel accomodation, and meals, etc. we spent well over $3,000 just to attend.

Cost is definitely going to play a factor in this. As much as I hate AI's and that type of trip it looks like going some place like a Sandals in the off season would be our best bet. that way everyone that wants to go just pays one rate for the week that includes everything and then you're good to go.

 

[Doug Charney]

My wife and I got married in traditional ceremony, I wouldn't call it big, but it was quite nice. It was wonderful to have all of our family there to celebrate with us. We had seriously considered a beach wedding with just a few folks, but it just didn't seem right. We compromised, we had the wedding at home, but every year for our anniversary we go to the beach. On our first anniversary, we even renewed our vows. I wouldn't change a thing. We celebrate every year, it doesn't hurt to spend one with family. Good luck with whatever you choose and I wish you many happy years together.

 

[AggieDiver]

We did the whole big wedding thing and both of us look back and wonder wth we were thinking. We are both the type to have a fairly small but close circle of friends, and we ended up getting caught in that trap of "if you invite x then you have to invite y" and so on. For what my FIL paid for the whole deal and what my parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, we could have paid for a nice long weekend at a nice resort for a party of about 15 family and friends and then stayed on for our honeymoon after they left.

One thing to think about is if you go low key on the ceremony and trappings that go with it at a destination, you can probably pay the way for immediate family and your bridesmaids and groomsmen for what you would normally pay for a 80 person reception. Then you can invite others to come if they want, but let them pay their own way.

 

[DennisS]

We had a small wedding, her parents, my parents and a few brothers and sisters.

We had a reception two weeks later (labor day weekend) that was a huge party down on the farm. Her parents and my parents had houses across from each other down on the eastern shore of Md. Lots of bedrooms and lots of camping space. We invited everyone. It was a great party. The marriage didn't last but the two day reception was memorable.

 

[sylpha]

my wedding was arranged in 2 days, it has so far lasted 29 years. the whole extended family turned up plus a few friends.

i'd do it slightly differently if i were getting married now. something along traditional lines, but more friends & less family (most wedding guests i haven't seen for 29 years).

my sliver wedding was just our close friends at a restaurant and a party for our other friends at husband's 50th a month later. that was memorable!!

 

[TSandM]

I'm with the folks who have said a lot of it comes down to cost, and who you want at your wedding.

I had a moderate-sized wedding and reception (about 100 people) and I really enjoyed it, which was my goal. I would not have been able to share the day with most of those people, had I had my wedding out of town. One thing I got from doing it the way I did, was an album of photographs of people who were dear to me, but from whom I have since, by time and life changes, been separated. Those photographs mean a lot.