My dive buddy startles me.

[79scubasteve]

Well my dive buddy AKA " My Wife" keeps grabbing my BC, hands, tank ect. while underwater. I have pushed her away a time or two because she startles me & I can't move or keep us both neutrally buoyant. I can't tell if she just doesn't want to get lost or if she is having a problem or maybe she just wants to be with her hubby, I don't know. That has been her reasoning in the past. Is it rude of me to not want to be hung on while trying not to drown? Has anyone ever had this problem?

 

[SteveAD]

Have you tried discussing this with HER?

 

[Blackwood]

That has been her reasoning in the past. Is it rude of me to not want to be hung on while trying not to drown? Has anyone ever had this problem?

I don't like to be "hung on," but nor do I define diving as "trying not to drown."

I can't move or keep us both neutrally buoyant.

So is she negative or positive? If not, and you were truly neutral to begin with, her touching you won't affect your buoyancy. As a new diver, I suspect there's a lack of comfort on her end. Work with her on buoyancy and comfort in the water.

 

[flots am]

Well my dive buddy AKA " My Wife" keeps grabbing my BC, hands, tank ect. while underwater. I have pushed her away a time or two because she startles me & I can't move or keep us both neutrally buoyant. I can't tell if she just doesn't want to get lost or if she is having a problem or maybe she just wants to be with her hubby, I don't know. That has been her reasoning in the past. Is it rude of me to not want to be hung on while trying not to drown? Has anyone ever had this problem?

If she's new, she's almost certainly nervous (the grabbing is called "contact maintenance").

If this is the case, you both need more practice with skills (air sharing, ascents, descents, weighting, neutral buoyancy and all the rest), so she won't be nervous and you won't be worried about drowining.

If she's been diving for a while and you're new, the grabbing might be an attempt to reassure you.

Being touched shouldn't be unpleasant. If it is, you need to practice until it isn't.

flots.

 

[meierdierck]

sounds like something you need to discuss and work out with her

 

[BabyDuck]

are you further away from her than she's comfortable with? she might just be trying to keep you from darting off (to her perspective).

 

[Nemrod]

Why not just hold hands, I have gotten pretty good over the years holding her hand and carrying my camera and shooting all at the same time. She likes to hold hands, what can I do.

I would not push your wife away if I were you, I would discuss with her the situation, but NEVER shove her away.

N

 

[Hatul]

Well my dive buddy AKA " My Wife" keeps grabbing my BC, hands, tank ect. while underwater. I have pushed her away a time or two because she startles me & I can't move or keep us both neutrally buoyant. I can't tell if she just doesn't want to get lost or if she is having a problem or maybe she just wants to be with her hubby, I don't know. That has been her reasoning in the past. Is it rude of me to not want to be hung on while trying not to drown? Has anyone ever had this problem?

Dr. Phil says discuss things with your wife, find out what's going on.

 

[BioLogic]

Also, if you keep where you can see each other well, you won't be so easy to startle...and it would be a good idea for other reasons, yes?

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Well my dive buddy AKA " My Wife" keeps grabbing my BC, hands, tank ect. while underwater. I have pushed her away a time or two because she startles me & I can't move or keep us both neutrally buoyant. I can't tell if she just doesn't want to get lost or if she is having a problem or maybe she just wants to be with her hubby, I don't know. That has been her reasoning in the past. Is it rude of me to not want to be hung on while trying not to drown? Has anyone ever had this problem?

This is very common among new diving couples. Almost always she's looking for some security ... in other words, the tactile contact helps her put her brain in a place where she feels secure enough to keep on doing this.

Most new divers go through an adjustment period where their brain is "rewiring" for the new environment. We all adjust in our own ways. People who are not secure with their diving skills often need the reassurance of knowing someone else is there. Since you're not only her dive buddy, but her spouse, she's looking to you for that reassurance.

I wouldn't recommend pushing her away ... not unless you want her to mentally give up on diving. Talk to her, and find a way that you can provide what she needs without feeling uncomfortable about it yourself. One thing that works for a lot of couples is for her to just put her hand on your forearm or just above your elbow ... so she has the tactile contact she needs without impacting your ability to use your hands.

Mostly what it means is that she "graduated" her OW class before she was comfortable with what she was doing (sounds like you did too, frankly).

Show some patience ... as the two of you get more comfortable in the water, the problem will resolve itself ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)