My dive buddy startles me.

[htn123]

Ever heard of reverse psychology? . Keep grabbing on to her for a few dives and when she tries to get away from you, pull her back again. After a few dive, she can't wait to get away from you !!! . That's what happens to my boy. I kept him close when he first dove with me. Now he can't wait to show off what he knows and try to get away from me. .

Serious note, she might have anxiety and are not comfortable in water yet. Work with her, talk with her. Take it slow and easy and it will get better for both of you and you will have an excellent dive partner.

 

[tracydr]

This would probably be a good time for you to end the dive and talk about what went wrong?
Do you debrief after dives? My husband and I have been married 2 1/2 years, usually great communication. We debrief after all dives.
There was a night dive in Bonaire recently where he gave the ascent signal and I misunderstood. I thought he just needed a look-see to find our exit point. So I went up, took a look and went back down. He told me to come back up and said "don't you know what up means". That was a rare miscommunication for us. After each dive we discuss the good, bad and ugly. The bad and ugly usually have to do with my skills since he's training me for Divemaster.
Sounds like your wife might be incredibly anxious underwater. Have you taken any specialty classes or AOW yet? Peak performance buoyancy is a great class. I also liked navigation, nitrox and deep/night when she's comfortable.
Rescue class is the best. Really improved my rusty old skills and learned a lot. When you get to that point don't pass it up!

 

[sabbath999]

It's also a good time to start working together on your underwater communications skills.

If you don't know why she is touching you, then (on shore, before the dive) work on hand signals with her so you will know if she is just being friendly, is apprehensive, or if she sees Jaws coming for your legs and thinks you might want to get out your 36 inch dive knife/katana and defend your family from it's gaping maw.

Seriously, if you have ANY issues with your dive buddy, you need to communicated those issues with your buddy, whoever they are.

If she is surprising you by grabbing onto you when your attention is elsewhere, then perhaps you need to start paying more attention to your buddy. IMHO in open water you should pretty much always be in a position to see your buddy swimming towards you, and you should make eye contact (or at the very least look at your buddy) at least once every 30 seconds.

Your buddy shouldn't really be in a position to sneak up on you.

 

[Can't swim]

I wish I had your problem! I have to dive solo because I don't have a wife or s/o to dive with......
Really man, talk to her. Talking goes a long way with women or haven't you figured that out yet?
A dozen roses wouldn't hurt anything either, then talk to her about it.

 

[Cave Diver]

She is mostly likely looking for reassurance.

Try diving side by side with her and give her constant eye contact and the "OK" signal. Let her know you're there and you're paying attention and you'll likely find the behavior will stop. Communication is key, above and below the water.

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

I can think of a few things. Are you leading and she following behind you? Side by side buddy diving is better, because you are always in view of each other. Also, are you the only buddy she has ever had? Try changing buddies for a dive, let her dive with a dm or instructor and see how she acts. There can be a hubby/wife dynamic that changes behavior. I have seen couples where the wife acted completely dependent and helpless when together, and then when I made her leave him and buddy with me, she came around and quickly became independent. This may be happening to her.
Definitely talk to her. Be supportive and listen. Let us know how it works out.

 

[Kilili]

You two, as pointed out, need to talk. You talk, she listens, but doesn't say anything. Then, the other way around. Then open for discussion.

Else, start grabbing her legs, fins, BC, tank. Maybe she'll be able to relate.

Wish some gal would grab ME underwater. Last time I got grabbed, it was an elephant seal. Not my type.

 

[Erku]

Else, start grabbing her legs, fins, BC, tank. Maybe she'll be able to relate.

If his wife is anything like mine, 'revenge' is a great way to never be her dive buddy again. Talk to her out of water, and, hold her hand so she doesn't grab fins and valves in the water. My wife just likes contact when we're underwater and can't talk.

 

[trigfunctions]

This is very common among new diving couples. Almost always she's looking for some security ... in other words, the tactile contact helps her put her brain in a place where she feels secure enough to keep on doing this.

Most new divers go through an adjustment period where their brain is "rewiring" for the new environment. We all adjust in our own ways. People who are not secure with their diving skills often need the reassurance of knowing someone else is there. Since you're not only her dive buddy, but her spouse, she's looking to you for that reassurance.

Show some patience ... as the two of you get more comfortable in the water, the problem will resolve itself

Ditto. When any two people dive together, there is an adjustement period for the divers to figure out how close or far apart to be. Add in the dynamics of a couple and things get even more complicated. You might try positioning yourself so that you can maintain strong eye contact with each other - side by side instead of follow the leader. Give each other the OK sign a lot. And when you get out of the water, talk about all the great fish you saw and compliment each other on the things you both did right. These things improve with time - don't get discouraged.

Edit - wow, I see that several other people have already given the same advice. it must be good.

 

[Dyno Bill]

It sort of reads like the are both new divers.On land I'm sure she turns to him for reassurance in times of doubt for most any reason. I'm sure he responds like a guy being reassuring and stepping to the front. Now there both new and maybe he isn't assure of himself in a new world as she is accustomed to. So she grabs and he is made uneasy by her contact as is indicated by his not drowning statement. You guys need to do some dives with a seasoned diver, meaning a DM or someone who is experienced and skillful so you both have someone to look to for reassurance at least until this phase passes. Not to worry I don't think it's unusual for new divers just work through it without it becoming a stumbling block.