My wife, my hero - lessons learned about OW class for a water timid person

[Schwob]

SHE DID IT!
Yesterday my wife became a certified OW diver.
And this even so she until more recently was an extremely accomplished life long water phobic who could not or just barely swim and a few years back would break out in complete and uncontrolled panic attacks when in water deeper than she can stand in.
I am so proud, I can't even tell you how proud!

Now, getting there was an odyssey I don't care to re-hash entirely, except for the parts immediately relevant to what we learned about what worked for us in doing an OW class and what in retrospect did not really work for us.

So, what worked:

1. Some initial snorkeling experience over the years, mostly with hand-holding only and some early mis-haps (uncontrolled panic). but they helped because they peaked some curiosity about a beautiful world down there and they clearly showcased that 'it can be done, even so it's scary as heck... and needs more work to ever be comfortable (a lot more as it turned out).
2. Kids old enough to have time to do what needed to be done ... and to offer additional motivation (family diving trips, hopefully) (Doing this before kids would have been all good too, while they were little, maybe through middle school, it would have been tough to do for us).
3. Swimming in a pool for half a year (about twice weekly) both ways: with fins and mask and snorkel as well as just swimming - however cumbersome, slow and non-swimming like. Just to build out a minimal level of water comfort. This "work" should go on to improve further ... hopefully. (shoutout to @Marie13 for that)
4. Doing some minimal drills in the pool (mask clearing, shoutout to @The Chairman for that) - just to set an expectation and to work on the "comfort level"
5. As it went, now my wife knows she can dive off boats, dive in bad visibility and dive in cold-ish water... in a very beginner kind of way. She knows she can handle it. Not that bad for someone who could not handle deep water at all at one point not too long ago...Not that bad with just a mere grand total of 136 minutes of "OW dive time"

... to be continued...

 

[Schwob]

... continued from prior post ...

What did not work or worked less well than expected:

I want to be clear here, all involved did a good job. Really. No particular person is to blame. The point here is to express how it went for us and why it is that if we could do it again we would not do it far away unless... (see further down). Also, we are very thankful for the last minute change booking effort and the substitute instructor jumping in ... etc...)

1. Private (or in this case semi private class for daughter and wife) at a warm-water-location, with good visibility, with an instructor specifically selected for his skills with water timid OW students. To do this in principle is good advise for a timid diver who lives in a cold water area with bad visibility and does not want to do the class there. My wife and I both were convinced that is the case with her. We actually learned otherwise in hindsight, but the reason this did not work is more related to doing the class anywhere far away with a limited amount of time while exposed to the weather and other stuff that happens...
So, we had a week (and the book-end-weekends) in Key Largo end of July / early August to do this.
We had found, booked and paid, what I was convinced was just about the best instructor I could find for the job. We had a very patient, seen it all in terms of fears & inhibitances and how to overcome them, insightful instructor. Then disaster struck. The evening prior to our flight we learned that he just was ordered by his doctor to stay out of the water for at least 10 days. We could not cancel the trip at this point, so we were quite stuck. Now, we were helped tremendeously to find a substitute on short (practically no) notice, but ... see 2.

2. The substitute was a good instructor. An enthusiastic young person and really good instructor. My daughter was quite happy. The substitute however was not the kind of hand picked instructor we had in mind for my wife. She was not a free-lance instructor like the originally selected one. The instructor was attached to a large dive operation and had other duties with that operation which in the end really interfered even so we were told that was not the case (so that is my interpretation). Instruction (scheduling reasons - we are however very thankful; that someone could jump in on short notice) started a full day later and that day was essentially used to cover theory aspects that apparently were ever so slightly differently taught by the now organisation then the original instructor's organisation under which all the e-learning and testing was done). The girls did not have the students book for that new organisation (well, I had mine from a couple of years back) and had no time to read through it... So, one day late, one day lost to new semantics to the same theory (and swim test). Then the new instructor thought that after half a pool day the girls would be ready to start with OW dive #1 from one of their dive boats.... Well, after discussing all this with the original hand picked instructor, we sort of arrived at likely 3 half day pool days... maybe even more TBD and then the initial OW dive at least carefully in a protected cove. - Big part of the reason why we went there...
The new instructor was "relentless" so, all their OW dives will be from a boat... Why? Because that's how they do it and because the visibility in the cove is quite bad. Well, I could see that the last part probably makes sense. And I was not there to give grief to anyone anyway... I did not really argue this other than just once carefully interjecting my concerns and that extra pool time and a first OW dive in a cove would be good and why. in hindsight, I maybe should have argued this harder - but that really cannot be done w/o damaging the relationship - I felt).
Anyway, my wife needed an extra 2 hours of pool time beyond that first half day and then there was a storm break and then they went to the first OW diving day a two tank boat trip (two dives, OW dive #1 & #2).
It went well enough. My daughter (comfortable in the water) finished all her skills in no time and spent the rest of the time sulking about how slow mom is. my wife finished all her skills except CESA with on the surface inflating of the BCD. The CESA actually went fine, she just has considerable issues on the surface (not so much below). She just did not get air into the BCD... My wife and I practised that that evening in a pool and I learned that she just was not depressing that button deep enough with one finger and also not connecting the dots on having to blow harder (against some water pressure) then when doing the same on the water. A two finger button pushing approach (thumb worked also) fixed the former and blowing harder and understanding why fixed the latter... ... really should have been covered better in the pool part of the class... but she got it now...

3. Boat dives for the OW class:
I mean they are are great and comfortable and beat lugging gear to a shore entry far away and in the Keys they may be necessary since the water is so shallow for so far... but they did not work for my wife.
These reasons:
- my wife was most uncomfortable on the surface, but downright comfortable UW. We booked this as a class for my wife and my daughter. The instructor had my wife at times dangling on the trailing line behind the boat, because she could ask a DM who staied on the boat to keep an eye out while doing drills with my daughter. Nice thought, but that put my wife by herself where she cared to be the least. Working on anxiety until it was her turn...
- If something happens - like what happened to my wife at the very beginning of OW dive #3 you could loose a day, two full dives and even a shot to complete the class while you are there.
In this case, my wife was dangling bait on the trailing line until the instructor finished drills with Nina. Then it was my wife's turn. Except while she was dangling there, when got a little wrapped up. She did unwrap herself and coped (very bravely for her, although most here would think "so what"), but lost a fin in the process and did not notice it. When waved to the instructor she swam there still not aware that she did it with one fin, but wondering what's wrong. Then she and the instructor noticed... But the fin was lost for good. And there were no other fins on the boat that would have fit her (all were larger)... Except my daughter's would have fit and that could have been arranged of course, but no-one had that thought. (I was not on the boat). So, my wife lost dive 3 & 4 that day. And she was a bit down on herself because of what happened. And the instructor, even so that was a Wednesday and we still had Thursday, Friday and Saturday as potential diving days, encouraged my wife to take a day off (no argument, that did her good) and then offered to (finally, duh) go to the cove... But not to to finish open water diver, just to finish the CESA and surface inflation skill that was missing from dives 1 & 2 so that a scuba diver rating would be obtained. The argument was that only OW dives 3 & 4 would have to be done to complete the OW diver rating, nothing else, and that it would be better for my wife to take a break... My wife whole-heartetly - and somewhat relieved agreed. nothing that could be argued with at the time. It was "support time"...

Anyway, we learned that for my wife shore diving was comparatively easy. Now she can do both, but in retrospect, a shore diving based OW class would have been quite better for her.

4. Don't settle for "scuba diver" if achieving OW diver is still an option:
So, on Friday then my wive did her dive in the cove and got her scuba diver rating.. and that was it for diving for her for that trip. Visibility was only 7 feet, but no issues... With that scuba diver rating, she can dive to 40 feet with a divemaster. She can not go diving with me to practice with that rating. not even in a pool (well we could do that in our pool if we had one). That's rather inconvenient... But my wife was rather happy to take that break.
Yesterday she did dive's number 3 and 4 (after 6 weeks hiatus) in a local quarry. No issues, no fuss, she spent a grand total of 45 minutes in the water. She could have easily finished all that that very Friday in Key Largo (or certainly on Saturday), except the Instructor was not available on Saturday and had other ideas for Friday and was insisting on those two dives being off a boat anyway...
But because of two dives, one 25ish minutes and one 20ish minutes we had to go through the whole drill of finding an instructor and time and... all over again not get reamed on cost (because nobody I talked to was willing to get the training folder until I ended up getting it) and treat this for what it was (all skills and tests for OW diver done except for dives 3 & 4) . We were initiall expected to sort of do this and pay as it if was a referral... then for dives 3 & 4 and a complete re-test and re-evaluation... The training folder changed that a bit, but we still were paying for well more than just dives 3 & 4 (an extra $100 for a 24 question test (which she aced) and an (really unecessary based on training folder) confined water session, which apparently was done in the first 5 minutes of OW dive #3 (it may have taken 10 minutes, each OW training dive is supposed to take at least 20 minutes...)...
Anyway, after a 6 week hiatus, she aced it all in no time. Even so she needed to be in a 7mm wetsuit and visibility was not great.
Reason: No dangling like bait of a boat to wait, no time to build up anxiety, easy walk in and walk out (or giant stride off dock...), no waves, no current. In retrospect, this was much easier for her and it counts as OW diving... - and now we can dive and practice together.....

... continued...

 

[Schwob]

... continued from prior post ...
5. Thinking colder water and low visibility is scary.
Well, it is scary to a water timid person. But to my wife surface activity was scarier than diving - by a whole lot so. And we sort of knew that. We just did not know how much at ease she is "down there" Had we known, and had we known how our initial plans were going to be altered by happenstance, we probably would have taken the class at home...

6. Having the wife and the daughter in a private class:
So my daughter is very good in the water. My wife is - well, we covered that. My wife wanted a private class - and that seemed to make a lot of sense - except for how it went. The thought was that it would help my wife to see how easy it is when her daughter just does it and the support would also help. Well, turns out my daughter is a whole less supportive and a good bit less patient with slow, older learners like her mom than I thought.
In retrospect, I should have just put my daughter into the cheapest group class, let her get her OW rating and go diving with her... while my wife takes a one on one private class.

7. When the class seems to not quite go right in some way (real or perceived), going along with everything suggested may or may not be the correct tactic. In our case I think it was the wrong tactic. And just being nice and tipping big, while not wrong, certainly did not help in any way to convince the instructor to advise my wife to try for dive 3 & 4 again. Were we advised to go one way because of time and availability of the instructor or because of having my wife's best interest at heart? Who knows. But the advise certainly was against our stated goal and purpose. Maybe we should have had that discussion in even more earnest and at try harder to insist on doing what it takes (extra cost was fine, we stated that) to have my wife have a shot at those two dives while we still were able to do it on Key Largo. It certainly would have been less of a headache then doing it later... So, I think that went quite wrong... But, on the other hand, my wife really was glad for the break at that time, so, maybe it was not that wrong... but it sure felt like the instructor was turning into some sort of hostile witness, biasing my wife to take it easy... and enjoy the scuba diver rating success... - which we did and celebrated as it was a real achievement for my wife, (but for me there is a nagging but...)

8. Cost: Together for my wife it was north of 3x what my or my son's OW class cost. And that is not even counting travel or tips. Was it worth it. Tough to tell. It worked in the end, albeit not as planned at all. Dor comparison, surely my wife would have passed doing a regular group open water class twice over... and that would have saved money... But, she might not have done it for a second time if . as needed . But she did go for the OW diver rating after initially "only" getting the Scuba Diver rating. She proved to be a tougher cookie than I thought she was... So we likely could have saved some $s... - but even so, was it worth it - Yeah, it was.

9.
Having my wife and daughter get OW certified.
Why was that wrong?
It seemed hard for two (son and me), how in the world are we ever going to afford scuba vacations for four???
WTF was I thinking!!!

Nah (about #8), honestly, I am all smiles for now having the chance to do that... but how... that I have yet to figure...
The good news is that now e.g. Bonaire is a possibility (with non divers that was a stretch as a family trip).
But on a first look, flight prices disagree with that thought. May have to look further ahead - time-wise...
Blackbeard may be just in the budget, but chances are high that it might be a bit too rustic for my wife's taste... and it is probably a good idea to try this family-diving-trip not on an LOB - any LOB for the first time (and a luxury LOB just really is not in the budget)...
I may have to really look into Cozumel or a bit south of Cancun ... (am a bit green on the family options there and what all to worry or not worry about and why...), but it's mostly boat diving... I think...

Well, we'll figure something... and sometime... , and I am a bit giddy about it...
... And I end this "trainwreck of thoughts" beaming of pride about what my wife just did... - for I know all too well where she has come from...

 

[Scott]

I always enjoy reading these types of posts.
Give your wife a high five and a hug, she definitely deserves it.
I know how much effort goes into achieving this. I still remember a female in one of the first classes I was a DM for. She had to work through very similar phobias who turned diving into a life long hobby.

 

[Marie13]

Yay! I hung around before going into the water for my second dive at the quarry yesterday so I could congratulate and give your wife a hug when she came out of the water for her second dive, knowing she was going to do it. Glad I thought to get a pic.

I can sooooo relate to fears as I had them. Would love for her to come out to the quarry for some more dives.

 

[The Chairman]

Great write-up. Thanks!

 

[txgoose]

I can completely relate to your post. It has been an amazing ride where my wife has had to come out of her shell and re-examine herself and face down some fears. And it has been wonderful to watch.

Very pleased to hear your story of success and growth for your wife. I hope that you all have a wonderful time diving together. Congratulations!!!

 

[rjgiddings]

This is fantastic...

 

[Neilwood]

@Schwob - tremendous to hear that your wife passed. Annoying about your daughter being less patient but I guess that is young folk these days (god I sound old saying that!). Your wife must have such as sense of achievement from getting through from a timid water phobic person to someone that is a comfortable diver.

I guess the main thing from your posts is about the change of instructor. She doesn't sound like she was on the same wavelength as your initial instructor would have been

Now as a family you can enjoy one of the most spectacular holidays together.

 

[Saniflush]

Awesome write up and I wish I would have had some of these thoughts before my "water timid" wife began.

Congrats!