Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[pidgiepoo]

A company was doing a security audit of its network. During the audit, it
> was discovered that one woman's password was
> "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy." The auditors asked why she had such a long password. She
> replied that she was told that passwords must be at least eight characters

 

[pidgiepoo]

Random Thoughts 4 the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

 

[mike_s]

Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail. The robbery begins...

Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?" "Perfectly," said Buffy. Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out. Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon. As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!" Buffy said, "I did... I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," said Judy.

"You got it all mixed up.

I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

 

[mike_s]

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

 

[pidgiepoo]

Two old men decide
> they are close to their last days and decide to have a last
> night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at
> the local brothel.
>
> the madam takes one look at the two old geezers and
> whispers to her manager, 'go up to the first two
> bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These
> two are so old and so drunk. I'm not wasting two of my
> girls on them. They won't know the
> difference.'
>>
> the manager does as
> he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of
> their business. As they are walking home the
>

> first man says,
> 'you know, i think my girl was dead!'
> 'dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say
> that?'
>
> 'well, she never
> moved or made a sound all the time i was loving
> her.
>
> his friend
> says, 'could be worse, i think mine was a witch.'
>
> 'a witch??
> why the hell would you say that?'
>
> well, i was making
> love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her a
> little bite. Then she farted, flew out the window and took
> my teeth with her!
>

 

[mike_s]

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet. When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.

It also works at DMV it saved me 5 hours.

And the Laundromat three minutes after entering I had my choice of any machine most still running.

Don't try it at McDonald's, the whole crew got up and left and l never got my order.

 

[Cave Diver]

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

+1...

 

[NE_Diver]

Just found this thread. dont know if these have been posted before

 

[santafejoe]

What a sweet deal!

If you traded in a clunker worth $3500, you get $4500 off for an apparent "savings" of $1000.

However, you have to pay taxes on the $4500 come April 15th (something that no auto dealer would have told you). If you are in the 30% tax bracket, you will pay $1350 on that $4500.

So, rather than save $1000, you actually pay an extra $350 to the feds. In addition, you traded in a car that was most likely paid for.
Now you have 4 or 5 years of payments on a car that you did not need, that was costing you less to run than the payments that you will now be making.

But wait, it gets even better: you also got ripped off by the dealer.

For example, every dealer here in LA was selling the Ford Focus with all the goodies including A/C, auto transmission, power windows, etc for $12,500 the month before the "cash for clunkers" program started.

When "cash for clunkers" came along, they stopped discounting them and instead sold them at the list price of $15,500. So, you paid $3000 more than you would have the month before. (Honda, Toyota, and Kia played the same list price game that Ford and Chevy did)..

So let’s do the final tally here:

You traded in a car worth: $3500

You got a discount of: $4500

---------

Net so far +$1000

But you have to pay: $1350 in taxes on the $4500

&nb sp; --------

Net so far: -$350

And you paid: $3000 more than the car was selling for the month before

----------

Net -$3350

We could also add in the additional taxes (sales tax, state tax, etc.) on the extra $3000 that you paid for the car, along with the 5 years of interest on the car loan but lets just stop here.

So who actually made out on the deal? The feds collected taxes on the car along with taxes on the $4500 they "gave" you. The car dealers made an extra $3000 or more on every car they sold along with the kickbacks from the manufacturers and the loan companies. The manufacturers got to dump lots of cars they could not give away the month before. And the poor stupid consumer got saddled with even more debt that they cannot afford.

Obama and his band of merry men convinced Joe consumer that he was getting $4500 in "free" money from the "government" when in fact Joe was giving away his $3500 car and paying an additional $3350 for the privilege.



How’s that for CHANGE?

















--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[dmoore19]

what a sweet deal!

If you traded in a clunker worth $3500, you get $4500 off for an apparent "savings" of $1000.

However, you have to pay taxes on the $4500 come april 15th (something that no auto dealer would have told you). If you are in the 30% tax bracket, you will pay $1350 on that $4500.

So, rather than save $1000, you actually pay an extra $350 to the feds. In addition, you traded in a car that was most likely paid for.
Now you have 4 or 5 years of payments on a car that you did not need, that was costing you less to run than the payments that you will now be making.

But wait, it gets even better: You also got ripped off by the dealer.

For example, every dealer here in la was selling the ford focus with all the goodies including a/c, auto transmission, power windows, etc for $12,500 the month before the "cash for clunkers" program started.

When "cash for clunkers" came along, they stopped discounting them and instead sold them at the list price of $15,500. So, you paid $3000 more than you would have the month before. (honda, toyota, and kia played the same list price game that ford and chevy did)..

So let’s do the final tally here:

You traded in a car worth: $3500

you got a discount of: $4500

---------

net so far +$1000

but you have to pay: $1350 in taxes on the $4500

&nb sp; --------

net so far: -$350

and you paid: $3000 more than the car was selling for the month before

----------

net -$3350

we could also add in the additional taxes (sales tax, state tax, etc.) on the extra $3000 that you paid for the car, along with the 5 years of interest on the car loan but lets just stop here.

So who actually made out on the deal? The feds collected taxes on the car along with taxes on the $4500 they "gave" you. The car dealers made an extra $3000 or more on every car they sold along with the kickbacks from the manufacturers and the loan companies. The manufacturers got to dump lots of cars they could not give away the month before. And the poor stupid consumer got saddled with even more debt that they cannot afford.

Obama and his band of merry men convinced joe consumer that he was getting $4500 in "free" money from the "government" when in fact joe was giving away his $3500 car and paying an additional $3350 for the privilege.



How’s that for change?

that's funny?????????