Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[santafejoe]

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term.


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The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

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Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?


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Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.


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One student, however, wrote the following:


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First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. There fore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.


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Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
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This gives two possibilities:


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1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.


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2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.


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So which is it?


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If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

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THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

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[Cerebral_Origami]

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice!
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso..
5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face..
8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera.
10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ' I Won! I Won!'
12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling

'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We are going to have to let one of you go.


And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity


14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER -

AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

I'd heard the the first 12 but the last one really got me.! I almost laughed coffee all over my keayboard! XD

 

[Jax]

http://www.wowfailblog.com/
- The Zoo Attendant -

Outside Bristol Zoo, there is a car park for 150 cars and 8 coaches.

It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 and coaches £5.

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years.

Then one day, he just didn’t turn up for work.

“Oh well”, said Bristol Zoo Management - ”we’d better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant…”

“Err no”, said the Council, “that car park is your responsibility”…

“Err no”, said Bristol Zoo Management, “the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn’t he?”

… “Err NO!”

Sitting in his villa in Spain, is a bloke who had been taking the car park fees, estimated at £400 per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years…

Assuming 7 days week, this amounts to just over £3.6 million…

 

[pidgiepoo]

FROZEN SKUNK
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>
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> A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife
> asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby skunk lying at the side of
> the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.
>
> It was, and she said to her husband, 'It's nearly frozen to death. Can
> we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?'
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> He says, 'O. K., Get in the car with it.'
>
> 'Where shall I put it to get it warm?'
>
> He says, 'Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.
>
> 'But what about the smell?'
>
> 'Just hold its little nose.'
>
> The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with
> died at the scene.

 

[santafejoe]

Gay Ranch Hand




A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.


She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.


Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.


She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.


He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.


For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.


Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.


One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.


Two o'clock and no hired hand.




Finally he returned a round two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.


She quietly called him over to her..


"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.


Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."


He did as she asked, ever so slowly.. "Now take off my socks."
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.


"Now take off my skirt."


He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.


"Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.


Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

 

[Deefstes]

Gay Ranch Hand

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife...

Hmmm, 8 posts. That must set some kind of record for the fewest elapsed post before a duplicate is made.

 

[santafejoe]

Hmmm, 8 posts. That must set some kind of record for the fewest elapsed post before a duplicate is made.

Oh well it Happends

 

[pidgiepoo]

Subject: Peanut in ear



One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.



As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.. The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.



When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing. Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'

The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, I would guess, our son-in-law.'

 

[fishoutawater]

A blond lady friend texted me this morning- "What does IDK mean"?
I texted her back- "I don't know".
She texts me again- "OMG! Nobody does!"

 

[Deefstes]

A blond lady friend texted me this morning- "What does IDK mean"?
I texted her back- "I don't know".
She texts me again- "OMG! Nobody does!"