Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[AlbertaDan]

An older couple was driving down a country road in their farm truck when they met another pickup coming toward them. In the other pickup was a young couple with the young girl seated right next to her obviously new boyfriend.

The older lady asked her husband, "Why don't we ever sit next to each other like that anymore?"

The husband looked at his wife of many years and replied, "I never moved...

 

[AlbertaDan]

Q. What do blondes and cowpies have in common?
A. The older they are the easier they are to pick up.


Q. Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A. The blinking signal light meant she had to turn

3 men were driving across the country when their car broke down. Nearby was a farmhouse, so they knocked on the door to ask if they could spend the night. The farmer agreed on one condition, that none of them would bother his attractive young daughter.

Later that night after they had all gone to bed the first man crept up the stairs to spend some time with the daughter. As he got about half way up the stairs one of the steps creaked. The wary farmer asked "who's there?" The quick thinking brunette let out a small meow.

The farmer mumbled damn cat and went back to sleep.

When he got back to the other 2 he warned them of the creaky stair and how to avoid the farmers question. The second man went up the stairs to have his way with the daughther. When he got to the creaky stair, the redheaded man did the same as the first, andmeowed like a cat.

Again the farmer mumbled damn cat, and went back to sleep.

The third man, a blonde, went up the stairs and of course made the step creak. When the farmer asked who's there the guy said, " Just the cat...

 

[pidgiepoo]

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.

The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

 

[sassyalice]

Canada's worst air disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland.

Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening.

 

[dmoore19]

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...

So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:



U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

 

[sassyalice]

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A congressman was seated next to a little girl on an airplane so he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"


" Oh, I don't know," said the congressman. "How about global warming, universal health care, or stimulus packages?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."


To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, universal health care, or the economy, when you don't know ****?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

 

[Jax]

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page...

So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.'

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:



U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

:spit:

 

[pidgiepoo]

I met a girl in the park the other evening.

There was an instant spark between us

and she immediately dropped to her knees

and laid on the grass at my feet.

As we lay making love, I thought

"These taser guns are well worth the money".

 

[Jax]

Diet Coke and Mentos stunt goes wrong - Yahoo! News

 

[ScubaTigress]

^^^ Baaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahaha awesome