Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[Cerebral_Origami]

I first heard this story from a tour guide in Australia up in the Daintree rainforest about 10 years ago. It was part of an oral poem that he recited to me, and he told me it was an old Australian folk poem. This brought back a lot of good memories. He also told me a story about a tour guide who found an aborigine lying in the middle of a backcountry highway with his ear to the ground, and I believe I posted that one here a ways back. It should show up if you search for it. Ahh, Australian humor. Thanks for the memories. Woody

We have the same story up here in Maine... only ours features an indian and a moose.

 

[Deefstes]

We have the same story up here in Maine... only ours features an indian and a moose.

So did the intrepid fisherman steal the Indian from the Moose's mouth or the Moose from the Indian's mouth?

 

[SolarStorm]

Newfies Gone Camping


Two Newfies go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer.

After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot, but realize they've forgotten a bottle opener.

The first Newfie turns to the second and says, "You've gotta go back and get the opener or else we'll have no beer".

"No way," says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."

'I promise I won't," says the first Newfie. "Just hurry!"

NINE FULL DAYS pass and there's still no sign of the second Newfie. Exasperated and starving, the first Newfie digs into the sandwiches.

Suddenly, the second Newfie pops out from behind a rock and yells,'I knew it !!!! ....I'm not f#*&ing going!!!!’

 

[pidgiepoo]

HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said
proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and
I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:

"I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.

The teacher held her breath ...

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of
cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog ****!"

Then I would say,"It is dog ****. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something ****ty for free, and then making you pay to get the ****ty taste out of your mouth."

 

[pidgiepoo]

Little old man is walking down the street one afternoon and sees a
> woman that he considers to have perfect breasts.

> He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me BITE your breasts for $100?"
>
> "Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
>
> He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she
> does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again
>
>
> "Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
>
> So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her again,
> "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000 dollars?!"
>
> She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000 dollars...; Ok,
> just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
>
> So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most
> perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and
> starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them,
> burying his face in them - but not biting them.

> The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite them or
> not?'

> "Nah," says the little old man ... "Costs too much."

 

[Cerebral_Origami]

So did the intrepid fisherman steal the Indian from the Moose's mouth or the Moose from the Indian's mouth?

Two city fellers hired an indian guide to take them hunting.
When they got out into the woods the indian knelt down and put his ear to the ground and said. "Ummm. moose come."

The two city fellers, amazed, said "How do you know moose come?"

And the indian said; "Ummm ear sticky!"

 

[mlkco]

It's the Dad life

YouTube - COTM - Dad Life

 

[DannyB1977]

I need to try this one....I play the how many times can I hit snooze before I get out of bed

im cornfused what is an alarm clock?????

 

[Deefstes]

im cornfused what is an alarm clock?????

It's a throwable decorating tool that I mostly use for embossing random patterns on my bedroom wall.

 

[SolarStorm]

A gas station owner in Newfoundland was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a newfi pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his free sex. The newfie guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time."

A week later, newfie, along with his friend, pulled in for another fill-up. Again the newfie asked for his free sex. The proprietor again asked him to guess the correct number. The newfie guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."

As they were driving away, the friend said, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."

The newfie replied, "No it ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week."