(Satire) (prediction) Tragedy Strikes Panhandle Dive Community

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Messages
3,934
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Location
In a State Park, on the coast of Florida
# of dives
DESTIN, Florida (AP) -- Officials are at a loss as to what happened at the Destin jetties this past Saturday morning when several people failed to return to the surface.

The divers, identified only by thier internet screen names, Mike_S, SeaYoda, and Suprbugman, were reported to be competent divers, well aquainted with the dive site. The survivors were surprised to find they were the only ones to exit the water.

One of the participants from that day, known only as MDB shared her account of the dive.

"The vis was pretty bad, the recent storm must have stirred things up a bit. It isn't uncommon to become seperated during one of these dives. We usually just do our thing, and meet back at the shore."

Another survivor, photohikedive, had a more first hand report of what happened.

"It was horrible, I had never seen anything like it. It must have been the storm coming, or something, but, the hermit crabs, they went crazy. SeaYoda and Suprbugman both like to get close to the sand to better take pictures of crabs having sex. I don't know what happened, next thing I know, they were covered with hermit crabs. Mike_S and I tried to help them, he got to them first. As he was trying to free them of the crustacians, they started attacking him. Blood and neoprene was everywhere, soon it was so clouded I couldn't see them anymore. By the time it cleared, they were gone."

Area dive shops are worried about the news. Steve from ScubaTech commented about one of the divers.

"I knew SeaYoda, he always came here right after a dive to fill his tanks. I had been planning to take a vacation later next month. But without him as a customer anymore, I don't think I will be able to afford it."

A represenative from the Florida Fish and Wildlife department commented on the incident.

"In all my years on the job, I have never heard of anything like this. Hermit crabs are usually scavengers, picking at scraps of dead fish on the bottom. They aren't known for attacking live animals, especially ones as large as a human. We are curious at the number of empty hermit crab food cans we found in the parking area, but we are just chalking that up to coincidence."

An anonymous report came from a fellow poster on ScubaBoard.

"I think we should look at some of the recent posts. Those were all the guys giving that poor photohikedive guy a hard time. Maybe someone was just retaliating. People really like that photohikedive guy."
 
Who's posing as me out there? I'm heading inland for Bonnaroo in like 30min!
 
This is WAY TOO FUNNY !!!
Now I HAVE to get up there ... :D :D :D :D

Da Beano

P.S. I wonder if Hermit Crabs are afraid of z-knifes? :confused:
 
SuPrBuGmAn:
Who's posing as me out there? I'm heading inland for Bonnaroo in like 30min!


BONNAROO, Tennessee (AP) -- Bizzarre accident on state highway causes many to consider scuba diving unsafe.

Many questions were raised today about the sport of scuba diving after a motorist lost crontrol of his vehicle and drove it into the main stage of the Bonnaroo music festival. Witnesses report that the driver had been wearing scuba gear while driving.

"It was the strangest thing. The guy was all suited up as if he was going scuba diving, but there aint no water round these parts for that."

While details are varied, one fact remains the same.

"Yup, he had his mask on his forhead, and everyone knows, that is a sign of distress."

Local authorities report that the driver, Mat B. of Alabama, had in fact been wearing scuba gear while driving.

"We figure that he must have had the mask on his forehead as people been saying, maybe it slipped down and blocked his vision, maybe he just ran out of air."

A diving expert called to the scene confirmed that the air tank was empty.

"Well aside from the sure sign of the mask being on his forehead, he had drained his tank. Most responsible divers would end their dive with at least 500 PSI in the tank. Most people with sense would realize they could take the regulator from thier mouths while above water."

Everyone agrees this was a senseless tragedy.

"It is such a shame to see this kind of thing happen. It really casts a shadow on the entire diving community. Obviously this man didn't take diving seriously, who knows how many other divers are the same way."
 
This picture was retrieved from SeaYoda's camera - it tells the whole story:

crabphd.jpg
 
photohikedive:
"It was horrible, I had never seen anything like it. It must have been the storm coming, or something, but, the hermit crabs, they went crazy. SeaYoda and Suprbugman both like to get close to the sand to better take pictures of crabs having sex. I don't know what happened, next thing I know, they were covered with hermit crabs. Mike_S and I tried to help them, he got to them first. As he was trying to free them of the crustacians, they started attacking him. Blood and neoprene was everywhere, soon it was so clouded I couldn't see them anymore. By the time it cleared, they were gone."
"


I think that PaulWall is behind this "vicious crab attack". He's been known to have "manipulated" them before.... like some Jedi mind trick.... and they attack.
 
This is hilarious! I love it.
 
https://www.shearwater.com/products/swift/

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