Temper and diving?

[Mark Vlahos]

It might backfire, and you need to be prepared for that, but with proper planning you might be able to pull it off,

Good luck,

Mark Vlahos

 

[NeMEed]

It might backfire, and you need to be prepared for that, but with proper planning you might be able to pull it off,

Good luck,

Mark Vlahos

That's true, but it's worth a shot at least. Thanks!

 

[Jon C]

Tell him it is a "Female Only" class and sign him up for DIR. That will keep him busy!!!
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[jeckyll]

NeMEed:

In the end, it's your decision who you choose to dive with. If you decide to dive with someone who you have concerns with, the pre-dive briefing would be an excellent time to discuss the goals of the dive and the approach. Bring it up as a part of standard dive protocol (that way it's not _you_ but the 'standard dive practice' that's to blame).

Try to cover scenarios that you think you might encounter which you think would be problematic and discuss how they will be dealt with.

Just my $0.02.

Family can be hard to deal with. I've certainly have my share of arguments with my dad (other hobby related).

Best of luck.

Bjorn

 

[brian montecno]

i have a short fuse also; mainly it's the small things that people get fired-up about and have a diff. demeaner about the serious things. so give him a chance. he will come to find that a small problem on land can be a big problem u/w. I know from exp., and i am compleatly diff.u/w now!!!

 

[dave4868]

The problem is, my father also wants to start diving. He's already talked to the scuba shop and is setting up when he can take the class in January. I don't have a problem with that really, as long as he isn't diving with me.

I know that sounds cold, but the thing is I wouldn't feel safe to dive with him. He has a very short fuse and gets frustrated/angry fast with disagreements or tough situations. So I am worried if there was any problems underwater how he'd react to it.

Very perceptive you are!

Actually, how he reacts to problems underwater won't matter as much as how you react to him while he's messing things up!

That's true. That's one of the things I was wondering.....are people the same below the water as above?

Great question!

I think someone with obvious "issues" is more likely to be unpredictable as a dive buddy than someone who is more well-adjusted and more functional in personal relationships. However, even a person who appears to have their act together can surprise you underwater sometimes!

I'd love to dive with him, I'm just worried about how he would handle an emergency situation. But I guess that goes with most dive buddies. You never know until (god forbid) you have an emergency right?

Frankly, I'd share the same concerns you do about diving with someone with the personality traits you ascribe to your father.

I rarely buddy dive, but when I do I make sure that I've encouraged the buddy to share their true feelings about the dive plan and contingencies as we discuss them before the dive. Likewise, during the dive, they should feel free to communicate their needs without feeling pressured, including the need to abort the dive.

If you end up giving your father a chance as a buddy, I agree with the others to choose an easy and relatively safe dive.

Prior to that first dive with your father, aka Joe Hothead, a good "therapeutic" approach would be for you to tell him it's important to you to sit and talk with him about the dive plan, so you can both understand each other. Let him know that the agreed upon dive plan and safe diving principles rule the dive, and emotional pressures or family hierarchy have no place in buddy diving.

Of course, you'll need to sugar-coat that last statement for him to swallow it.

Use those "I" statements liberally, ha, ha!

Then review a few scenarios that will let him know what each can expect from the dive buddy.

You might describe yourself in the role of the one making a bad choice and him as the one declining to follow that choice and instead following the dive plan or aborting the dive. Then reverse the roles.

Set your personal ground rules, such as that he doesn't touch your gear before or during the dive, that he not try to manhandle you and that he needs to respect your wish to abort a dive without pressuring you in any way to continue.

Then, when you do that first dive with him and he ignores the plan and tries to dominate and cajole you into going deeper or otherwise past your comfort zone, and he waves his hand angrily for you to follow, just continue to hold your hands up in the pre-discussed universal "stop" signal until he settles down to read your next hand signals or what you've written on your slate.

Of course, while you're writing, he swims off in a huff and you look up and he's gone.

Don't chase him.

Then calmly wait the pre-determined amount of time for him to return and when he doesn't, calmly surface and look around. Give him a few minutes to surface and when he doesn't, do a surface swim back to shore and wait for him to return.

When he returns, have that final discussion with him, so he knows why you won't be diving with him unless things change. He doesn't have to agree or admit he heard you....after all, you can't expect much when he's flailing his arms and blaming you endlessly....

Of course, things may go well and he may find that scuba diving teaches him the meaning of functional relationships and everything will be fine!

Good luck, you'll need it! Please post the outcome.

Dave C

 

[philmayer]

You're in a very difficult position. I think you're right to follow the advice of the posters here and wait to see what happens.

I know I won't dive with people with short fuses. Mainly because they get ticked off about my laid-back style of diving.

I dove with a guy on an LDS trip last year in Belize. The guy is 20 and a PADI instructor. The LDS owner asked me to buddy with him -- I think for laughs! The kid nearly had a coronary underwater yelling at me. Later on the boat his Mom says "We knew that just wasn't going to be a good pairing, you're way too laid-back for him."

I feel for you having to find a way to tell your Dad you're not comfortable diving with him. Good luck.

 

[Parysa]

Both my dads (biological and step) have VERY short fuses. My biological dad is a skydiver with 2000+ jumps as well as a pilot, and my stepdad is a scuba diver. Dad can't screw in a difficult lightbulb without losing his temper, but when flying or skydiving, he's as calm as can be. My stepdad isn't AS bad, but he's got a nasty temper, too. I haven't gotten to dive with him yet, but my mom has and I've never once heard a complaint about his temper u/w. My stepdad and I haven't always had the best relationship, but we've been working on it and me getting certified has brought us closer together than we've ever been and I can't wait to get to dive with him. Hopefully, it'll be the same with your dad. I know it's tough and scary having to deal with that temper.

 

[NeMEed]

Thanks everyone for some really good advice!!! Hopefully he's better in the water then he is out of it.

Very perceptive you are!

Actually, how he reacts to problems underwater won't matter as much as how you react to him while he's messing things up!



Great question!

I think someone with obvious "issues" is more likely to be unpredictable as a dive buddy than someone who is more well-adjusted and more functional in personal relationships. However, even a person who appears to have their act together can surprise you underwater sometimes!



Frankly, I'd share the same concerns you do about diving with someone with the personality traits you ascribe to your father.

I rarely buddy dive, but when I do I make sure that I've encouraged the buddy to share their true feelings about the dive plan and contingencies as we discuss them before the dive. Likewise, during the dive, they should feel free to communicate their needs without feeling pressured, including the need to abort the dive.

If you end up giving your father a chance as a buddy, I agree with the others to choose an easy and relatively safe dive.

Prior to that first dive with your father, aka Joe Hothead, a good "therapeutic" approach would be for you to tell him it's important to you to sit and talk with him about the dive plan, so you can both understand each other. Let him know that the agreed upon dive plan and safe diving principles rule the dive, and emotional pressures or family hierarchy have no place in buddy diving.

Of course, you'll need to sugar-coat that last statement for him to swallow it.

Use those "I" statements liberally, ha, ha!

Then review a few scenarios that will let him know what each can expect from the dive buddy.

You might describe yourself in the role of the one making a bad choice and him as the one declining to follow that choice and instead following the dive plan or aborting the dive. Then reverse the roles.

Set your personal ground rules, such as that he doesn't touch your gear before or during the dive, that he not try to manhandle you and that he needs to respect your wish to abort a dive without pressuring you in any way to continue.

Then, when you do that first dive with him and he ignores the plan and tries to dominate and cajole you into going deeper or otherwise past your comfort zone, and he waves his hand angrily for you to follow, just continue to hold your hands up in the pre-discussed universal "stop" signal until he settles down to read your next hand signals or what you've written on your slate.

Of course, while you're writing, he swims off in a huff and you look up and he's gone.

Don't chase him.

Then calmly wait the pre-determined amount of time for him to return and when he doesn't, calmly surface and look around. Give him a few minutes to surface and when he doesn't, do a surface swim back to shore and wait for him to return.

When he returns, have that final discussion with him, so he knows why you won't be diving with him unless things change. He doesn't have to agree or admit he heard you....after all, you can't expect much when he's flailing his arms and blaming you endlessly....

Of course, things may go well and he may find that scuba diving teaches him the meaning of functional relationships and everything will be fine!

Good luck, you'll need it! Please post the outcome.

Dave C

Thanks so much for such a detailed reply!! That was REALLY helpful!!! You've pretty much given me a pretty good line of action for my situation! That's helps tremendously! Thank You again! :10:

 

[ScubaSarus]

Explain to him when diving you have to be a buddy team down their and your survival depends on having good communications with no arguing or bad temper as it can be downright dangerous. If problems arise, settle them after the gear has been put away and talk it over in a mature fashion.

Diving could be a seqgway to a better relationship.

I dont think there is a place for arguing while wearing dive gear; and if it comes to that point, its time to end the dive abrubtly IMO. The rise in BP alone from getting mad and angry while diving can be deadly to some people IMO.