What did you just say?

[DCBC]

What gets me are some of the stories 'Underwater Heroes' relate to non-divers... While in a Bar in Grand Cayman, I heard such a conversation:

Ya, I grabbed my tank and jumped over the side, putting it on on the way down. Before I knew it, I was surrounded by sharks! They weren't leaving and my mouthpiece was acting-up. I held my breath and went for the surface right through the mass of sharks. I had my knife out so I wasn't worried. But Boy did I get the bends that time!

 

[BluewaterSail]

Favorite one I actually heard was 2 young men, buddies, were almost ready to enter the water. Diver #1 said to Diver #2: "Did you test the air in the tanks?" Diver #2 said "No, I thought you did". Diver #1 responded, "Don't worry about it. How far off can they be?"

And off to the beach they then went.

 

[Diver0001]

This is a bit of a long story but the stupidest thing I ever heard was from a dive guide.

She was telling a story (to the chamber doctor) about how they did a "check out" dive from their liveaboard on a deep wreck. The clientele were all "experience" divers from France and they didn't want to do a shallow shake down dive so their first dive of the trip was on a wreck at about 60m.

To make long story short, one of them ran out of air and bolted to the surface skipping a lot of deco and another one lost his weight belt and made an uncontrolled ascent. The dive guide, feeling guilty about this situation, also skipped a mass of stops and surfaced to "help" the other divers even though the crew of the boat were there to mop up the mess.

... now here it comes ...

This wasn't the first time this had happened to her

or the second....

it was the FOURTH time.

Her comment? "Yeah, but these are experienced French divers and you don't want to insult them doing a shake down dive on a shallow reef."

R..

 

[nrengle]

I heard one on a dive charter I helped organize. Someone that was supposed to be PADI OW certified. When it was time to assemble gear on the boat, she said that she's never had to do it, because she always just had the resort staff do it. Ummm I thought part of the required learning was to be able to setup your gear.

Same dive, dive guide disappeared on us in heavy current (I had to rescue one of our group, different story). When I asked him after saving my friend, he said he thought we were right behind him the whole time. The viz was bad (10 -15 feet), but not that bad!

 

[the other lincoln]

Getting ready for certification dive #4, student getting ready is wearing his mask up on his forehead. This had been well covered in pool work and other dives. Assistant instructor approaches him to re-splain the meaning and reasoning of not doing that. His response: "Ya, The thing is, this is more comfortable for me. "

 

[boulderjohn]

Getting ready for certification dive #4, student getting ready is wearing his mask up on his forehead. This had been well covered in pool work and other dives. Assistant instructor approaches him to re-splain the meaning and reasoning of not doing that. His response: "Ya, The thing is, this is more comfortable for me. "

Sounds good to me.

There is a really good chance that the stupider statement was whatever was said telling him why he shouldn't do it.

---------- Post added April 16th, 2013 at 02:01 PM ----------

Just to make my last statement clear, by the far the stupidest thing I have ever heard, and I have heard it several times, is the warning that if you put your mask on your forehead while chatting amiably with a friend, someone will think you are in a state of panic and come frantically to your rescue

 

[Dirty-Dog]

As a DM I was watching an open water instructor teaching CPR. As he prepared to demonstrate chest compressions, he stated "Place the heel of your hand on the victim's scrotum." Clearly he meant to say "sternum"...I hope. But then again, this is the same instructor who told students that each blade of an Atomic split-fin moved independently. He grabbed a fin and showed how, during a normal stroke, one side of the blade went up while at the same time the other went down. I asked if thats why Atomics were so expensive, because they obviously have created a technology that defies the laws of physics. He no longer works at our shop.

I think that is a variant on "dyslexic CPR"...

If I have a caridac event, feel free NOT to place the heel of your hand on my scrotum. I dont think it'll do me much good

It might, if it were a syncopal event rather than an arrest...

Getting ready for certification dive #4, student getting ready is wearing his mask up on his forehead. This had been well covered in pool work and other dives. Assistant instructor approaches him to re-splain the meaning and reasoning of not doing that. His response: "Ya, The thing is, this is more comfortable for me. "

Doesn't he know that if you put your mask on your forehead you will DIE????

 

[elmer fudd]

Back when I did my open water check out dives, I had a DM tell me about doing a bounce dive to 300'. I believe he was probably telling the truth too.

There also used to be a local diver around here that did some pretty crazy solo dives, (200'+ on air). I remember him telling me about throwing mud around at 165' while diving with a buddy in order to purposely cause a silt out. That's another argument in favor of BFK's right there. I'd completely understand the diver who stabbed him for doing that.

 

[kelemvor]

There also used to be a local diver around here that did some pretty crazy solo dives, (200'+ on air). I remember him telling me about throwing mud around at 165' while diving with a buddy in order to purposely cause a silt out. That's another argument in favor of BFK's right there. I'd completely understand the diver who stabbed him for doing that.

There was an underwater stabbing? WTF. Was he telling you over the phone from a prison?

 

[Dirty-Dog]

Back when I did my open water check out dives, I had a DM tell me about doing a bounce dive to 300'. I believe he was probably telling the truth too.

There also used to be a local diver around here that did some pretty crazy solo dives, (200'+ on air). I remember him telling me about throwing mud around at 165' while diving with a buddy in order to purposely cause a silt out. That's another argument in favor of BFK's right there. I'd completely understand the diver who stabbed him for doing that.

There was an underwater stabbing? WTF. Was he telling you over the phone from a prison?

I think it's pretty clear he's speaking hypothetically. Maybe you're narced and that led to the confusion?